11 Limiti del fidanzato e dell'amica che devono essere rispettati

Let’s be honest: nobody is overjoyed that their partner has friends of the opposite sex. Even if your boyfriend’s female friends don’t represent any danger to your relationship, deep down, you can’t help but feel threatened by their presence in his life.

So, what exactly should you do about it? Should you turn into a psycho girlfriend who expects her boyfriend’s friend to stop existing just because you appeared on the scene?

Assolutamente no! Invece, ho una soluzione molto migliore per voi: porre dei limiti alle amiche del fidanzato.

This way, both of you can have a place in your man’s life, and everyone’s role is clearly defined!

L'elenco dei limiti dei fidanzati e degli amici femminili

If you want a healthy relationship, follow these rules, and you’re good to go:

1. La vostra relazione viene prima di tutto

Che le piaccia o no, la relazione con il vostro ragazzo viene sempre al primo posto, a prescindere da tutto. You don’t care how long she has been in his life or what they’ve been through. It’s not okay for lui ad amare lei più di voi!

You need to set some clear boundaries regarding your time together. It’s not acceptable for him to cancel your plans to hang out with his friend or to only call you when she is too busy to spend time with him.

You’re the women he chose to share his life with, and nobody should come before you. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should be selfish and demand to be the only person he spends time with.

Yes, you’re the only woman in a romantic sense for him. And you’re his priority.

However, if his female best friend needs a hand or has an emergency, don’t make a big deal about it. If he runs off and helps her, it only shows that you’re dating a good person with a kind heart.

2. Nessun contatto fisico

Let’s be honest: some friends are used to a lot of physical contact. They don’t see it as a big deal – sometimes they sleep next to each other in the same bed, tease one another, she sits on his lap, and stuff like that.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that there must be anything sexual about this. Maybe they’ve been friends their entire lives and don’t see anything wrong with this kind of contact.

Tuttavia, questo dovrebbe essere un punto di rottura quando si parla di confini tra fidanzati e amici. Il vostro fidanzato ha una relazione seria e questo tipo di comportamento non è più accettabile.

They’re still allowed to quickly hug or kiss each other on the cheek when they greet, but anything more than that is out of the question.

I don’t care if he thinks of her as a sister – they’re not related, and he is a human being. The last thing you need is to wonder whether he’ll get a natural bodily reaction to this woman’s presence.

3. Non è consentito l'uso della terza ruota

It’s one thing if you and your boyfriend hang out with his friends in a group setting from time to time. That is a great sign that he wants to make you part of his life. But even those get-togethers shouldn’t come at the expense of your one-on-one time.

Tuttavia, ciò che non è accettabile è che la sua amica donna sia una costante terzo incomodo durante il tempo trascorso da soli. I mean, you two are dating – this is not a polyamorous relationship!

At the risk of sounding selfish, you shouldn’t care whether she has no one to go on vacation with or that she’s celebrating New Year’s Eve by herself. I’m not saying that the three of you can never spend time together, but please don’t become her foster carer.

Besides, just because she is your boyfriend’s BFF doesn’t mean you have the desire to spend your free time with her as well.

4. Nessuna conversazione segreta

Gli ultimatum di solito non sono la scelta migliore per un relazione sanama a volte è necessario emetterli. Questo è uno di quei casi.

Che gli piaccia o no, il vostro altro significativo shouldn’t be allowed to have conversazioni private con il suo amico del genere opposto.

This might sound unreasonable to him, but let’s put it this way: let’s say that he has a lot of female friends, but he doesn’t let you read any of the conversations he has with him.

Who can guarantee that they’re all nothing but friends? I mean, he can tell you every girl he’s flirting with is his close friend.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you’ll read every conversation they have. It is important that you have access to their communication, so you can find out everything you need to know whenever you feel like it.

5. Nessun viaggio insieme

Si può discutere se il vostro partner debba o meno andare in vacanza con i suoi amici maschi. Tuttavia, uno dei limiti più importanti per le amiche del fidanzato è quello di non fare viaggi insieme.

Forse il vostro ragazzo aveva l'abitudine di viaggiare con un molte amiche donne, ma quei giorni sono finiti. Sì, questo include anche i viaggi in impostazione del gruppo anche.

The only way these journeys might happen is if you all go together and if you’re okay traveling with his friends. Of course, you won’t agree to your BF’s female BFF traveling with you – I’m talking about the bunch of you traveling together.

E se devono partecipare a un evento? Non c'è problema, ci si aggrega.

What if they’ve already booked a trip before you issued this ultimatum or even before you two started dating? Tough break, but they’ll have to find a way to cancel it.

6. Limiti dei social media

Il vostro ragazzo può pubblicare foto con la sua amica del cuore sui suoi social media? È giusto che lo faccia anche lei?

Ci sono diversi fattori da prendere in considerazione prima di poter dare una risposta adeguata.

First of all, does your boyfriend put photos with you on his social media profiles? Are all of his followers familiar with the fact that you’re his girlfriend?

Se la risposta è sì, dovreste permettergli di postare ogni tanto una storia con la sua BFF. Un post permanente è consentito quando c'è un'occasione speciale.

What is crucial to note here is that he can’t have more photos with her than with you. Once again, you’re the number one woman in his life.

Ma è ancora più importante che la natura della loro relazione sia chiara. Se lui pubblica una foto con lei, dovrebbe scrivere un friend’s caption o un citazione sull'amicizia e niente di più.

The same goes both ways. Don’t let her post selfies with him without any explanation – it’s natural that her followers will assume he’s her boyfriend.

7. Nessuna interferenza nella vostra relazione

The biggest red flag that your BF’s friend of the opposite gender is jealous of you is the way she interferes in your relationship. You know exactly what I’m talking about: she constantly gives him “advice” that somehow never works in your favor.

She knows every little thing that happens between you two, and sometimes you wonder if you’re dating her or him. Whenever you two argue or break up, she helps him come up with comebacks and tells him how to play his cards right.

Must I even explain why this isn’t acceptable? Sì, lei è una sua cara amica e lui ha voglia di condividere con lei i suoi pensieri e i suoi sentimenti, ma come vi fa sentire questa configurazione?

Trust me – this is one of the most significant boyfriend female friends boundaries you’ll have to impose in time. Make it clear that your private matters shouldn’t concern anyone outside of your relationship.

8. Deve rispettarvi

Look, it would be great if you could also become friends with this girl. However, things don’t work that way always. Maybe you two have different interests or just didn’t click from the first time you met. And that’s perfectly okay.

Basically, I’m saying that she doesn’t have to like you, as long as her negative emotions don’t affect your boyfriend. However, she must respect you.

Even if she secretly hates your guts, she should keep it to herself and respect you as her friend’s girlfriend.

Lo stesso vale per tutti gli altri amici e familiari. Devono rispettare la sua scelta.

However, it all depends on how your boyfriend behaves in these situations. If he lets them badmouth you or continues hanging out with them even after they’ve insulted you or tried humiliating you in any way, I’m sorry to break it to you, but then, he’s the one who doesn’t respect you.

D'altra parte, se vi dà il posto che meritate nella sua vita e se vi porta il rispetto che dovrebbe, they’ll have no other choice but follow his lead.

9. Tutto è alla luce del sole

Ricordate che abbiamo parlato delle conversazioni private nelle amicizie tra uomo e donna? Ebbene, questa regola si applica a tutto il resto della relazione.

Does this mean the two of them are not allowed to have secrets? Absolutely yes – if they could affect you in any way possible.

For example, your boyfriend is not obliged to talk to you about his friend’s childhood traumas or anything similar related to her personal life. After all, let’s not forget that he is the friend she chose – you’re not. She probably wouldn’t feel comfortable having all of her secrets exposed in front of a stranger, which you are to her.

Tuttavia, se i due si sono mai piaciuti o, peggio ancora, si sono frequentati in passato, è una cosa che conoscete bene. Lì dovrebbe’t be secrets about the nature of their friendship: how they met, how long they’ve been friends, how close they are as friends, and so on.

You have to have all this information to get a bigger picture of their relationship and figure out whether there are some red flags you should look out for and if there’s a reason for you to be geloso di lei.

10. Niente battute interne

Is there anything more annoying than a girl trying to prove her dominance over a man, especially in front of that man’s girlfriend, by constantly mentioning inside jokes? Of course, she never cares to explain to you what they’re talking about – she enjoys that you feel left out.

In fact, this is the primary reason she uses these jokes: to show you that there is a part of his life you know nothing about, that she knows him better than you, and that they’re so incredibly close. She just tells him: “Hey, remember that time when we were on a beach…” and starts laughing hysterically.

Then, they proceed to talk in code, and you stand there, completely clueless about what’s going on. Are they talking about that time they hooked up? Or about an embarrassing hangover they wish you know nothing about?

Per evitare queste situazioni, vietate le battute interne.

11. Cambiamento nella comunicazione

Your significant other has a lot of female friends – that’s quite clear. He’s probably used to talking to them in the middle of the night or spending hours on the phone together.

Beh, questo deve finire! Insomma, l'ultima cosa che si vuole è dormire tranquillamente accanto al proprio fidanzato, per poi essere svegliate dal suo amica donna’s drunk call in the middle of the night.

You understandably wouldn’t feel comfortable in this scenario.

Now that you’re in the picture, there is no more late-night texting and no more all-nighter phone calls.

If he is uncomfortable telling them this, just ask him not to pick up the phone after midnight. He can reply in the morning, and I’m sure that, after a while, they’ll understand that you’ve set boundaries.

Lo stesso vale per la comunicazione in generale. Basta con i discorsi da bambini e con i complimenti al limite del flirt.

There is no need for heart emojis and stuff like that when they’re texting. Ask them both to keep their relationship as friendly as possible!

Un uomo che ha una relazione può avere amicizie femminili?

Non c'è assolutamente nulla di sbagliato nel fatto che un uomo in una relazione abbia amicizie femminilipurché sappia come fissare i confini con loro. Nonostante quello che si dice in giro, uomini e donne possono essere amici!

Questo vale soprattutto se queste fidanzate facevano parte della sua vita prima che lui iniziasse la sua attuale relazione.

I mean, what should he do? Stop being friends with them every time he finds a new girlfriend and then resurface whenever he’s single again?

This wouldn’t be fair to these friends, and nobody would tolerate this kind of behavior.

Inoltre, nessuna fidanzata ragionevole può aspettarsi che il suo ragazzo cancelli tutta la sua vita prima di lei solo perché è arrivata lei.

Naturalmente, questo vale in entrambi i sensi: non c'è nulla di male se le persone che hanno una relazione hanno amici di sesso opposto.

Cosa fare quando il fidanzato ha un'amica intima?

If you’re smart enough, you also become friends with this woman! Don’t worry, she doesn’t have to become your BFF overnight. After all, I sure hope that you have a life of your own that includes numerous close friendships you’ve built before your relationship.

Tuttavia, it would be great if you could at least be on good terms with your BF’s friend. This way, you’ll gain better insight into what’s going on between the two of them. You won’t feel like an outsider, and you’ll have more control over their relationship.

If that’s not possible, you must ask your boyfriend to set some clear boundaries. Make sure you both agree on these boyfriend female friends boundaries instead of making it look like you’re the bad guy who is suddenly imposing all these new rules.

Either way, you shouldn’t disrespect this woman. After all, she is in your BF’s life for a reason. Of course, this doesn’t apply to situations when she is the first to show you disrespect!

Perché il mio ragazzo ha amicizie femminili?

Il tuo ragazzo ha amicizie femminili per lo stesso motivo per cui ha amici maschiperché corrispondono alla sua energia, li trova affidabili o semplicemente gli piace passare del tempo con loro. Nella maggior parte dei casi, non c'è una psicologia più profonda che si nasconde dietro la sua amicizie femminili.

It’s clear that he’s found something in each one of his good friends. Maybe he likes their loyalty, the fact that he can count on them, or they make him laugh, and he enjoys being in their company.

Just because your BF doesn’t spend all of his time with his guy friends and hangs out with women as well doesn’t mean that ha problemi con la mamma o che gli manca qualcosa nella vostra relazione sentimentale.

He’s probably been through a lot with his friends of the opposite sex, and he’s not going to ditch them just because you’re not okay with it.

How Do I Accept My Boyfriend’s Female Friends?

Innanzitutto, you have to stop looking at your boyfriend’s migliore amica femminile come competizione. If you’ve gotten to know these girls and seen that nobody crosses the line of friendship, there is nothing to be worried about.

Think of it this way: they have been friends longer than you two have been dating. That means they’ve had plenty of time to realize whether there is something more going on between them. They’ve had the chance to grow feelings for each other and to start a relationship – if they wanted to.

However, none of this ever happened. So, why do you think they would start something when you’re in the picture? It makes no sense!

Here’s some relationship advice: If you’re smart enough, you won’t be jealous of your BF’s amici di sesso opposto. On the contrary, you’ll turn them into your friends as well.

This way, you’ll have allies in his life – I’m sure these women will give you advice or even tell you his secrets if you play your cards right.

Per concludere:

All of these boyfriend female friends boundaries are useful and will help you maintain a healthy relationship. However, it will all be in vain if the parties involved don’t agree with them.

What’s the point of demanding all these rules be followed if your boyfriend refuses to impose them? It’s one thing that he has a amica donna. Tuttavia, se he doesn’t put your relationship first and prioritizes this woman over you, you’ve got yourself a problem.

Nevertheless, even then, it’s crucial for you to remember: this woman isn’t your primary concern – your boyfriend is! He is the one who should love and respect you enough to set up clear boundaries without you having to ask him to do so!