Alla ragazza che usa la sua malattia mentale come scusa per fare lo stronzo

Il problema non è che sei bipolare. Il problema è che lei usa la sua malattia come scusa per giustificare il suo cattivo comportamento. I’m not insinuating that you don’t have a legit diagnosis, and I’m also not trying to say that you can control your behavior. I know that you can’t.

What you could do is be proactive in your own self-care. What you could do is try to learn strategies that will help YOU to function better in your day-to-day life so that your own behavior isn’t your biggest barrier. I mean, aside from the fact that I can’t talk to you about anything real, and you cut me out of your life and the lives of your children without so much as a second thought, your demons don’t hurt me the way they do you.

Come amica, voglio il meglio per lei e, come persona che ha esperienza di problemi di salute mentale, so che ci sono più opzioni per lei di quante ne consideri.

Sapendo che questa riluttanza/incapacità di aiutarsi è in realtà un sintomo del problema stesso per il quale voglio che lei si faccia aiutare, mi sono offerto di aiutarla. Mi sono offerto di fare il lavoro di gambe, di fare le telefonate, di venire con lei agli appuntamenti. I even offered to go with you to the hospital and sit in the emergency department for two days so you could have your meds monitored and adjusted when your ‘idiot doctor’ had the nerve to leave you in his waiting room for too long, and you left the office in a huff without getting the prescription that you needed to function. And then I listened to you complain three months later when you still hadn’t resolved the issue on your own.

You have a diagnosis and you think that’s enough, but it’s not. Your meds clearly help to some degree, but they aren’t going to teach you the skills you need to maintain your interpersonal relationships.

Se in qualsiasi momento volete scendere dalle montagne russe che sono la vostra vita, dovrete effettivamente affrontare se stessi. You create chaos because that’s what you need to feel grounded, and you refuse to get actual help because you don’t want to do the work that helping yourself will entail. It’s hard and when things get hard you would rather walk away than problem solve. I’ve seen you do it over and over in your life; you want to take the easy way out and it leads to more work for yourself.

Okay, fine, whatever. Keep half-assing it. It’s not for me to judge your life choices, and I’m not. The problem is that I can’t tiptoe around you on these eggshells anymore. If I thought there was an end in sight, maybe. But, unfortunately, I’ve come to realize that until you get real help and change your patterns, we are always going to end up at this place where you see me as the enemy. Vi arrabbiate con me perché sapete che potreste avere una qualità di vita migliore e vi arrabbiate ancora di più quando cerco di aiutarvi a raggiungere questo obiettivo quando iniziate a perdere il controllo. I don’t know what to do with that anymore.

What you don’t realize while you’re busy being mad at me for giving a fuck is that you’re breaking my heart over and over again. You’re making me question my sanity. You’re separating me from your children whom I love dearly and have tried and succeeded to make meaningful relationships with, and every time you cut me off they feel abandoned by me, while I miss them and all of their important milestones until you decide I’m not the worst again.

It’s not just you in this and all the time that you’re not actually dealing with or managing your illness, my place in your life is precarious, and no matter how many ways I try to tell myself, “It’s not her, it’s her illness,” it comes back to the fact that, finché non affronti la tua diagnosi, sei la tua malattia e la tua malattia è un po' uno stronzo per me.

by Tia Grace