Non ho voglia di fare sesso e mio marito è arrabbiato: 11 soluzioni

Non molto tempo fa, I told my therapist: “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad.” Just like that, I spoke the sentence that’s been bugging me for some time. And I felt relieved because I spilled it out.

A quel punto, io e mio marito stavamo insieme da un paio d'anni. Ero certa che tutto fosse perfetto nel nostro rapporto, a parte il fatto che eravamo intrappolati in un matrimonio senza sesso.

Per fortuna, my therapist told me that there was a way out of this situation. A way that didn’t include adultery or divorce.

Quindi, eccomi qui: condividere questa saggezza e mostrarvi come ho salvato la mia libido e il mio matrimonio.

Non ho voglia di fare sesso e mio marito è arrabbiato: 11 cose da fare

Seguite questo programma in 11 passi e riattiverete la vostra libido in un batter d'occhio.

1. Trovare la causa del vostro scarso desiderio sessuale

La prima cosa da fare è trovare la causa di questo problema.

You’re only human, and it’s natural to have sexual desire, especially when you’re married. After all, you’re constantly with the man you love and who attracts you physically. If this is not the case and if your sex life is suffering, there must be a reason for it.

Allora, che cos'è? Dig deep inside of yourself and be completely honest. Don’t worry – you can do it on your own, without your husband, at least in the beginning.

The worst possible scenario is for you to ignore the fact that you have a low libido. There is an issue here that should be worked on. And the first step is to dissect your feelings to try and find out what’s wrong.

Siete attratti da altri uomini ma non da vostro marito? Hai un matrimonio senza sesso ma si sente eccitato da altri uomini? E che dire della masturbazione?

Prova ancora sentimenti romantici per suo marito? Lo vede come un partner o solo come un compagno di stanza?

Infine, vi piacerebbe avere un desiderio sessuale più elevato o siete perfettamente a posto con il vostro basso desiderio sessuale?

Once you answer these questions, you’re good to go!

2. Lavorare sulle relazioni

When you tell someone: “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad,” the first piece of advice you’ll get is to spice things up in the bedroom. Don’t get me wrong – there is nothing wrong with that.

Tuttavia, è necessario comprendere che a lack of sex in your marriage is a sign of something else. Therefore, if you put your bedroom activities in first place, you’ll only deal with the surface problem, which is wrong.

That is why you have to work on your relationship before anything else. It’s time to ricostruire il vostro matrimonio because it’s obviously broken.
Don’t obsess over sexual satisfaction. Instead, just introduce some romance into our marriage.

Uscire con gli amici, start saying “I love you” e sorprendervi a vicenda. Tutte queste cose rafforzeranno il vostro legame e faranno sì che voi e vostro marito vi innamoriate di nuovo l'uno dell'altra.

Una volta che ciò sarà avvenuto, la libido aumenterà.

3. Lavorare da soli sulla libido

Sapevate che potete lavorare sulla vostra libido da soli? Start with masturbating and see if you’re capable of reaching climax by yourself.

If that’s the case, there is nothing physically wrong with you. This is not about sexual dysfunction – your marriage needs to be worked on.

Esplorate diversi argomenti sessuali. Cosa vi eccita di più? Dove e come vi piace essere toccati?

Dimenticate le norme sociali e scavate dentro di voi. Discover your deepest sexual desires and wildest sexual fantasies. Don’t be ashamed – there is no one listening; you can be honest with yourself.

C'è qualcosa che suo marito fa per causare il suo calo della libido? Quali sono le sue antipatie e le sue disfunzioni in camera da letto?

Just be careful: if you decide to watch porn or read erotic stories, don’t exaggerate. It’s okay to dive into this world to help yourself out, but don’t lose touch with reality.

4. Don’t look for a cure outside of your marriage

When a woman says: “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad,” in most cases, her first impulse is to go to social media or someplace else and look for another man to skyrocket her libido.

In realtà, sia gli uomini che le donne si comportano così quando la loro relazione a lungo termine diventa priva di sesso.

Well, I’m advising you not to. As long as you’re here, it means that you think your marriage is worth saving. Infidelity will only make things worse.

First of all, it would be unfair to your husband to cheat on him. Besides, the first time you do, you’ll realize that it’s not the solution to your problems. No, you won’t get a high libido like that.

You should try and fix this issue inside of your marriage instead of looking for a cure outside of it. If you don’t listen to this advice, your relationship will be broken beyond repair. Just like that, you’ll have another problem you have to deal with.

5. Comunicazione aperta

Look, your husband knows very well what’s going on. Trust me, he doesn’t believe that you have a headache all the time. And nobody is that tired.

I mean, he married a high-libido woman, and now all of a sudden, he’s got one with zero sexual needs.

So, don’t try ignoring the problem because it won’t magically go away. Instead, remember the importance of comunicazione aperta in ogni relazione.

Say it out loud: “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad.” There is nothing shameful here.

Parli con suo marito e gli dica esattamente come si sente. Gli dia tutte le risposte che lei stessa ha dato all'inizio.

Cercate di analizzare la vostra relazione per capire dove e quando le cose hanno iniziato ad andare male. È successo qualcosa di anomalo? Com'era la vostra vita sessuale prima di affrontare il calo del desiderio sessuale?

6. Cercare di capire suo marito

Most importantly, ask your husband how he feels about this situation. Ask him to be honest because that’s the whole point of healthy communication.

Yes, you know he’s mad. But I mean, let’s be real: who wouldn’t be? Instead of fighting with him, do your best to understand his position.

I mean, this man has sexual needs. He is attracted to you, and he wants you two to be intimate as much as possible. But it’s more than obvious that you don’t share the same desires.

Tutto ciò lo rende frustrato. The worst part is that he has no idea what’s going on. What’s the cause of your low libido?

È diventato poco attraente da un giorno all'altro? Non siete soddisfatte delle sue prestazioni sessuali? Ha smesso di amarlo? È innamorata di un altro? Lo sta tradendo?

Credetemi: non c'è niente di peggio per l'ego maschile di questa situazione.

But even though he’s allowed to be mad, this isn’t an excuse to be abusive or unfaithful. Everything can be resolved, and if it can’t, nobody can stop him from leaving you.

7. Don’t play the blame game

Here’s another big fat no for all the women saying: “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad”: giocare a scaricabarile. I have to warn you: you’ll both feel tempted to do this, but this practice can be fatal for your marriage.

Your low sexual desire is nobody’s fault. I’m sure your husband is doing his best to turn you on. He is trying his hardest to improve your sex life. Besides, he’s feeling bad already. His self-esteem is at its lowest, and you definitely shouldn’t do anything to destroy it even more.

At the same time, he must avoid accusing you. It’s not like you enjoy your matrimonio senza sesso. I mean, you’d be much happier if you didn’t have to struggle with your low libido.

Ricorda: it’s you two against the problem, not one against the other. If you start with the blame game, you’ll just end up arguing pointlessly, and you’ll never come to a solution. Instead, focus all this energy on resolving this issue in the healthiest way possible.

8. Intimità fisica diversa dal sesso

Vedete, ci sono tonnellate di altri cose intime che potreste fare oltre al sesso. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not claiming that sex isn’t a crucial part of every romantic relationship. However, it’s not the only thing that can improve a couple’s intimacy and strengthen their connection.

You have a low sex drive – I get it. But that doesn’t include kissing, hugging, holding hands, cuddling, and things like that, does it?

Yes, all of this can lead to sex, but this time, sex is not first place. Don’t see these things as foreplay – just dare un bacio appassionato a suo marito e vedere come vi sentite dopo.

Also, don’t forget about manifestazioni pubbliche di affetto. Don’t jump all over each other in public, but don’t forget to hold hands or walk around while hugging. Show the world that you’re proud to have a husband like him!

Since you’re the one with low libido, it would also be fair for you to initiate these forms of intimacy. This will be more powerful than saying, “I love you.”

9. Ricominciare a frequentare suo marito

I’ve already advised you to go on serate di coppia with your husband. But for some couples, going on a couple of dates doesn’t help much. If that’s the case with you, I suggest you start dating your husband again.

Don’t worry, you can still live together. But why wouldn’t you pretend like you’ve just met and you’re about to fall in love with each other for the first time again?

Flirt with this man and do your best to get to know him on another level. Ask him to court you, and you start doing the same. Text each other good morning and good night even though you’re sleeping next to each other.

Fate tutto quello che farebbe una nuova coppia. Questo include trattenersi dal fare sesso as well. After all, if you’ve just met this man, you’ll need some time to relax before sleeping with him, am I right?

Take things slowly. Remember: baby steps are key. When you feel the need to take this “relationship” to the next level, do so.

Your husband might even propose to you all over again! This way, you can wait for your “wedding night” to sleep with him. How romantic is that?

10. Provare cose nuove in camera da letto

Now that you’ve worked on all the layers of your partnership, it’s time to focus on the real deal. That’s right, you’ve reached the stage where you can hit the bedroom.

But please, don’t do whatever you were doing before. It’s clear that you’ve gotten tired of the same old routine. Or maybe deep down, it never pleased you.

In ogni caso, è il momento di vivacizzare la vostra vita sessuale. Lei e suo marito avete imparato l'arte della comunicazione sana e nulla può fermarvi ora.

Remember when you worked on your libido by yourself? Well, what’s stopping you from implementing all those things in real intercourse now?

Tell your husband what you’re into. Tell him that you’ve been exploring your body, and talk to him about everything you’ve discovered.

Soprattutto, esploratevi a vicenda. Scoprite insieme le vostre preferenze.

Prova sexting, gioco di ruolo, linguaggio sporco, BSDM… whatever comes to mind. Look, I’m not saying that you’ll enjoy all of these things.

It’s always important to only do things you’re comfortable with. However, make sure to push your limits and try something new.

11. Visitare un terapista sessuale

Finally, I suggest going to a sex therapist. Don’t worry, this is perfectly normal, and it only means that you’re mature enough to recognize the problem.

You’ll be able to talk to a mental health expert who will help you get to the bottom of your problem and help you resolve it in the healthiest way possible.

Naturalmente, la cosa migliore sarebbe andare da un terapeuta del sesso insieme a suo marito. Potete provare diversi tipi di terapia sessuale e rimettere in piedi la vostra vita sessuale.

However, you can also go on your own, even before discussing it with him, or even if he’s not interested.

Cosa provoca un basso desiderio sessuale in una moglie?

We’ve already talked about how important it is to find the cause of your problem. I mean, you didn’t just wake up one morning and say, “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad,” did you? This has been going on for a while now, and it’s about time you see what’s hidden behind this sentence.

1. Problemi di relazione

The most common cause of low sex drive in women is different relationship problems. As hard as you try, you can’t separate your body, mind, and heart.

What does this mean? Well, if your heart is broken, it’s impossible for the person who hurt you to turn you on.

You can’t feel any physical attraction or sexual desire towards the man who caused you emotional pain – it’s simply how women work.

Avete un matrimonio infelice, and you’re perfectly aware that jumping into bed with your husband won’t magically make things okay.

Forse avete problemi di fiducia nel vostro matrimonio. O vi sentite traditi a causa di qualcosa che lui ha fatto?

Forse vi sentite come se aveste un marito irrispettoso, or you two are arguing so much that you can’t get yourself to even kiss him, let alone something else. The list could be endless, but you get the picture.

In questo caso, sapete innanzitutto cosa bisogna fare. Nel momento in cui risolverete i vostri problemi relazionali, la vostra libido tornerà ad essere elevata.

2. Squilibrio ormonale

Lo squilibrio ormonale è una causa frequente di scarso desiderio sessuale nelle donne. Questo fenomeno è particolarmente comune nelle donne in menopausa.

Another diagnosis is hypogonadism. To put things simply, having this condition means that your body is unable to produce enough sex hormones. If you’re a woman, we’re talking about estrogen.

Questo è esattamente ciò che accade in menopausa: i livelli di estrogeni iniziano a diminuire. Questo fenomeno è solitamente seguito da secchezza vaginale.

Either way, the biggest problem is that you’re probably not even aware that you have a hormone imbalance. That’s why I suggest you pay your MD a visit and do a check-up before anything else.

3. Bassa autostima

Have you involuntarily gained or lost a lot of weight lately? Or maybe you’re just not feeling like your best self? In this case, your low self-esteem might be what’s causing your low sexual desire.

Questo è ancora più possibile se il vostro il marito è cattivo e ha fatto commenti sgradevoli sul suo aspetto. He’s killed your confidence, and now you’d rather die than allow him to see you naked. You no longer feel loved and wanted, and consequently, nothing can turn you on.

Ancora una volta, è necessario lavorare sulla causa, il che significa aumentare l'autostima.

4. Scarsa comunicazione in camera da letto

La comunicazione aperta è la chiave per una relazione sanae questo vale anche per la camera da letto. Quindi, if you can’t tell your husband what your likes and dislikes are, and if he’s not putting any effort into pleasing you, it’s natural that your libido is at its lowest.

You wouldn’t admit this to him, but you’d rather spend time masturbating than sleeping with him. At least, like this, you climax.

Se questo è qualcosa che vi riguarda, per favore parlate di sesso con il vostro uomo. Fategli vedere come vi soddisfa!

5. Problemi di salute mentale

If you’ve been struggling with mental health problems, come la depressione, it’s perfectly natural that your libido has almost disappeared. Tenete presente che un basso desiderio sessuale è un effetto collaterale di alcuni antidepressivi.

I suggest talking to your mental health expert and telling them about the issues you’re facing. Maybe they’ll prescribe you a different type of antidepressant. But please, don’t do anything on your own without consulting a professional!

È normale non avere desiderio sessuale in una relazione?

Having no sex drive in a long-term relationship or marriage is actually more common than you might think. In fact, both men and women face this problem, so nobody can tell you it’s not normal.

Tuttavia, è sicuramente un segnale di difficoltà. La cosa peggiore che potete fare è accettare le cose come stanno e seguire la corrente. Ricordate: si tratta di una relazione sentimentale, non di un'amicizia, e il vostro partner non è il vostro coinquilino.

Luckily, there are numerous ways to help you build a higher libido. No, sexual desire is not a death sentence for your relationship, and it most definitely doesn’t have to be permanent.

Per concludere:

If you’re a woman who says, “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad,” it means only one thing: you’ve taken the first step – you’ve admitted that you have a problem. You’ve reached the point of self-awareness where you see what this is doing to your marriage, and you’re mature enough to recognize how this entire situation makes your husband feel.

Questo significa che avete grandi possibilità di migliorare la situazione. Se anche vostro marito è pronto a lavorare sulla vostra scarsa libido, nulla vi impedirà di riuscirci.