No tengo deseo sexual y mi marido está enfadado: 11 soluciones

No hace mucho, I told my therapist: “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad.” Just like that, I spoke the sentence that’s been bugging me for some time. And I felt relieved because I spilled it out.

En ese momento, mi marido y yo llevábamos juntos un par de años. Estaba segura de que todo era perfecto en nuestra relación, todo menos el hecho de que estábamos atrapados en un matrimonio sin sexo.

Por suerte, my therapist told me that there was a way out of this situation. A way that didn’t include adultery or divorce.

Así que aquí estoy: compartir esta sabiduría y mostrarte cómo salvé mi libido y mi matrimonio.

No tengo deseo sexual y mi marido está enfadado: 11 cosas que hacer

Siga este programa de 11 pasos y reviva su libido en un abrir y cerrar de ojos.

1. Encuentra la causa de tu bajo deseo sexual

Lo primero que debe hacer es encontrar la causa subyacente de este problema.

You’re only human, and it’s natural to have sexual desire, especially when you’re married. After all, you’re constantly with the man you love and who attracts you physically. If this is not the case and if your sex life is suffering, there must be a reason for it.

Entonces, ¿qué es? Dig deep inside of yourself and be completely honest. Don’t worry – you can do it on your own, without your husband, at least in the beginning.

The worst possible scenario is for you to ignore the fact that you have a low libido. There is an issue here that should be worked on. And the first step is to dissect your feelings to try and find out what’s wrong.

¿Te sientes atraída por otros hombres pero no por tu marido? ¿Tiene usted un matrimonio sin sexo ¿pero te excitan otros hombres? ¿Y la masturbación?

¿Sigue teniendo sentimientos románticos hacia su marido? ¿Lo ves como tu pareja o como un simple compañero de piso?

Por último, ¿te gustaría tener un mayor deseo sexual o estás perfectamente bien con tu bajo deseo sexual?

Once you answer these questions, you’re good to go!

2. Trabaja en tu relación

When you tell someone: “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad,” the first piece of advice you’ll get is to spice things up in the bedroom. Don’t get me wrong – there is nothing wrong with that.

Sin embargo, hay que entender que a lack of sex in your marriage is a sign of something else. Therefore, if you put your bedroom activities in first place, you’ll only deal with the surface problem, which is wrong.

That is why you have to work on your relationship before anything else. It’s time to reconstruya su matrimonio because it’s obviously broken.
Don’t obsess over sexual satisfaction. Instead, just introduce some romance into our marriage.

Acude a citas nocturnas, start saying “I love you” más y sorprenderse mutuamente. Todas estas cosas reforzarán vuestro vínculo y harán que tú y tu marido os volváis a enamorar el uno del otro.

Cuando esto ocurra, aumentará la libido.

3. Trabaja tu libido por ti mismo

¿Sabías que puedes trabajar tu libido por ti mismo? Start with masturbating and see if you’re capable of reaching climax by yourself.

If that’s the case, there is nothing physically wrong with you. This is not about sexual dysfunction – your marriage needs to be worked on.

Explora diferentes temas sexuales. ¿Qué es lo que más te excita? ¿Dónde y cómo te gusta que te toquen?

Olvídate de las normas sociales y profundiza en ti mismo. Discover your deepest sexual desires and wildest sexual fantasies. Don’t be ashamed – there is no one listening; you can be honest with yourself.

¿Hay algo que su marido haga que le baje la libido? ¿Qué es lo que no te gusta y lo que te excita en la cama?

Just be careful: if you decide to watch porn or read erotic stories, don’t exaggerate. It’s okay to dive into this world to help yourself out, but don’t lose touch with reality.

4. Don’t look for a cure outside of your marriage

When a woman says: “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad,” in most cases, her first impulse is to go to social media or someplace else and look for another man to skyrocket her libido.

De hecho, tanto los hombres como las mujeres actúan así cuando su relación a largo plazo se queda sin sexo.

Well, I’m advising you not to. As long as you’re here, it means that you think your marriage is worth saving. Infidelity will only make things worse.

First of all, it would be unfair to your husband to cheat on him. Besides, the first time you do, you’ll realize that it’s not the solution to your problems. No, you won’t get a high libido like that.

You should try and fix this issue inside of your marriage instead of looking for a cure outside of it. If you don’t listen to this advice, your relationship will be broken beyond repair. Just like that, you’ll have another problem you have to deal with.

5. 5. Comunicación abierta

Look, your husband knows very well what’s going on. Trust me, he doesn’t believe that you have a headache all the time. And nobody is that tired.

I mean, he married a high-libido woman, and now all of a sudden, he’s got one with zero sexual needs.

So, don’t try ignoring the problem because it won’t magically go away. Instead, remember the importance of comunicación abierta en cada relación.

Say it out loud: “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad.” There is nothing shameful here.

Habla con tu marido y dile exactamente cómo te sientes. Dale todas las respuestas que tú misma tienes al principio.

Intenta analizar tu relación para averiguar dónde y cuándo las cosas empezaron a ir cuesta abajo. ¿Sucedió algo fuera de lo normal? ¿Cómo era su vida sexual antes de enfrentarse al bajo deseo sexual?

6. Intente comprender a su marido

Most importantly, ask your husband how he feels about this situation. Ask him to be honest because that’s the whole point of healthy communication.

Yes, you know he’s mad. But I mean, let’s be real: who wouldn’t be? Instead of fighting with him, do your best to understand his position.

I mean, this man has sexual needs. He is attracted to you, and he wants you two to be intimate as much as possible. But it’s more than obvious that you don’t share the same desires.

Todo eso le hace sentirse frustrado. The worst part is that he has no idea what’s going on. What’s the cause of your low libido?

¿Se ha vuelto poco atractivo de la noche a la mañana? ¿No estás satisfecha con su rendimiento sexual? ¿Ha dejado de quererle? ¿Está enamorada de otra persona? ¿Le engaña?

Créeme: no hay nada peor para el ego masculino que esta situación.

But even though he’s allowed to be mad, this isn’t an excuse to be abusive or unfaithful. Everything can be resolved, and if it can’t, nobody can stop him from leaving you.

7. Don’t play the blame game

Here’s another big fat no for all the women saying: “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad”: jugar al juego de la culpa. I have to warn you: you’ll both feel tempted to do this, but this practice can be fatal for your marriage.

Your low sexual desire is nobody’s fault. I’m sure your husband is doing his best to turn you on. He is trying his hardest to improve your sex life. Besides, he’s feeling bad already. His self-esteem is at its lowest, and you definitely shouldn’t do anything to destroy it even more.

At the same time, he must avoid accusing you. It’s not like you enjoy your matrimonio sin sexo. I mean, you’d be much happier if you didn’t have to struggle with your low libido.

Acuérdate: it’s you two against the problem, not one against the other. If you start with the blame game, you’ll just end up arguing pointlessly, and you’ll never come to a solution. Instead, focus all this energy on resolving this issue in the healthiest way possible.

8. Intimidad física distinta del sexo

Verás, hay toneladas de otros cosas íntimas que podrías estar haciendo además del sexo. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not claiming that sex isn’t a crucial part of every romantic relationship. However, it’s not the only thing that can improve a couple’s intimacy and strengthen their connection.

You have a low sex drive – I get it. But that doesn’t include kissing, hugging, holding hands, cuddling, and things like that, does it?

Yes, all of this can lead to sex, but this time, sex is not first place. Don’t see these things as foreplay – just dale a tu marido un beso apasionado y verás cómo te sientes después.

Also, don’t forget about muestras públicas de afecto. Don’t jump all over each other in public, but don’t forget to hold hands or walk around while hugging. Show the world that you’re proud to have a husband like him!

Since you’re the one with low libido, it would also be fair for you to initiate these forms of intimacy. This will be more powerful than saying, “I love you.”

9. Empezar a salir de nuevo con su marido

I’ve already advised you to go on noches de cita with your husband. But for some couples, going on a couple of dates doesn’t help much. If that’s the case with you, I suggest you start dating your husband again.

Don’t worry, you can still live together. But why wouldn’t you pretend like you’ve just met and you’re about to fall in love with each other for the first time again?

Flirt with this man and do your best to get to know him on another level. Ask him to court you, and you start doing the same. Text each other good morning and good night even though you’re sleeping next to each other.

Haz todo lo que haría una nueva pareja. Esto incluye aplazar las relaciones sexuales as well. After all, if you’ve just met this man, you’ll need some time to relax before sleeping with him, am I right?

Take things slowly. Remember: baby steps are key. When you feel the need to take this “relationship” to the next level, do so.

Your husband might even propose to you all over again! This way, you can wait for your “wedding night” to sleep with him. How romantic is that?

10. Prueba cosas nuevas en el dormitorio

Now that you’ve worked on all the layers of your partnership, it’s time to focus on the real deal. That’s right, you’ve reached the stage where you can hit the bedroom.

But please, don’t do whatever you were doing before. It’s clear that you’ve gotten tired of the same old routine. Or maybe deep down, it never pleased you.

En cualquier caso, ahora es el momento de condimenta tu vida sexual. Usted y su marido dominan el arte de la comunicación sana, y ya nada puede detenerles.

Remember when you worked on your libido by yourself? Well, what’s stopping you from implementing all those things in real intercourse now?

Tell your husband what you’re into. Tell him that you’ve been exploring your body, and talk to him about everything you’ve discovered.

Y lo que es más importante, exploraos mutuamente. Descubran juntos sus preferencias.

Pruebe sextingjuegos de rol, palabrotas, BSDM… whatever comes to mind. Look, I’m not saying that you’ll enjoy all of these things.

It’s always important to only do things you’re comfortable with. However, make sure to push your limits and try something new.

11. Visita a un terapeuta sexual

Finally, I suggest going to a sex therapist. Don’t worry, this is perfectly normal, and it only means that you’re mature enough to recognize the problem.

You’ll be able to talk to a mental health expert who will help you get to the bottom of your problem and help you resolve it in the healthiest way possible.

Por supuesto, lo mejor sería visitar a un terapeuta sexual con su marido. Podéis probar distintos tipos de terapia sexual y recuperar vuestra vida sexual.

However, you can also go on your own, even before discussing it with him, or even if he’s not interested.

¿Qué causa el bajo deseo sexual en una esposa?

We’ve already talked about how important it is to find the cause of your problem. I mean, you didn’t just wake up one morning and say, “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad,” did you? This has been going on for a while now, and it’s about time you see what’s hidden behind this sentence.

1. Problemas de relación

The most common cause of low sex drive in women is different relationship problems. As hard as you try, you can’t separate your body, mind, and heart.

What does this mean? Well, if your heart is broken, it’s impossible for the person who hurt you to turn you on.

You can’t feel any physical attraction or sexual desire towards the man who caused you emotional pain – it’s simply how women work.

Usted tiene un matrimonio infeliz, and you’re perfectly aware that jumping into bed with your husband won’t magically make things okay.

Tal vez tengas problemas de confianza en tu matrimonio. ¿O te sientes traicionada por algo que él hizo?

Tal vez sientas que tienes una marido irrespetuoso, or you two are arguing so much that you can’t get yourself to even kiss him, let alone something else. The list could be endless, but you get the picture.

En ese caso, ya sabes lo que hay que hacer en primer lugar. En el momento en que resuelvas tus problemas de pareja, tu libido alta volverá.

2. Desequilibrio hormonal

El desequilibrio hormonal es una causa frecuente del bajo deseo sexual en las mujeres. Esto es especialmente frecuente en las mujeres que atraviesan la menopausia.

Another diagnosis is hypogonadism. To put things simply, having this condition means that your body is unable to produce enough sex hormones. If you’re a woman, we’re talking about estrogen.

Esto es exactamente lo que ocurre durante la menopausia: Los niveles de estrógeno empiezan a disminuir. Esto suele ir seguido de sequedad vaginal.

Either way, the biggest problem is that you’re probably not even aware that you have a hormone imbalance. That’s why I suggest you pay your MD a visit and do a check-up before anything else.

3. 3. Baja autoestima

Have you involuntarily gained or lost a lot of weight lately? Or maybe you’re just not feeling like your best self? In this case, your low self-esteem might be what’s causing your low sexual desire.

Esto es aún más posible si su el marido es malo y ha estado haciendo comentarios desagradables sobre tu apariencia. He’s killed your confidence, and now you’d rather die than allow him to see you naked. You no longer feel loved and wanted, and consequently, nothing can turn you on.

Una vez más, hay que trabajar sobre la causa, lo que significa aumentar tu autoestima.

4. Mala comunicación en el dormitorio

La comunicación abierta es la clave relación sanay eso incluye también el dormitorio. Por lo tanto, if you can’t tell your husband what your likes and dislikes are, and if he’s not putting any effort into pleasing you, it’s natural that your libido is at its lowest.

You wouldn’t admit this to him, but you’d rather spend time masturbating than sleeping with him. At least, like this, you climax.

Si esto es algo con lo que se siente identificado, por favor habla con tu hombre sobre sexo. Enséñale a complacerte.

5. 5. Problemas de salud mental

If you’ve been struggling with mental health problems, como la depresión, it’s perfectly natural that your libido has almost disappeared. Tenga en cuenta que el bajo deseo sexual es un efecto secundario de ciertos antidepresivos.

I suggest talking to your mental health expert and telling them about the issues you’re facing. Maybe they’ll prescribe you a different type of antidepressant. But please, don’t do anything on your own without consulting a professional!

¿Es normal no tener deseo sexual en una relación?

Having no sex drive in a long-term relationship or marriage is actually more common than you might think. In fact, both men and women face this problem, so nobody can tell you it’s not normal.

Sin embargo, es sin duda una señal de problemas. Lo peor que puedes hacer es aceptar las cosas como son y seguir la corriente. Recuerda: se trata de una relación romántica, no de una amistad, y tu pareja no es tu compañero de piso.

Luckily, there are numerous ways to help you build a higher libido. No, sexual desire is not a death sentence for your relationship, and it most definitely doesn’t have to be permanent.

Para terminar:

If you’re a woman who says, “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad,” it means only one thing: you’ve taken the first step – you’ve admitted that you have a problem. You’ve reached the point of self-awareness where you see what this is doing to your marriage, and you’re mature enough to recognize how this entire situation makes your husband feel.

Esto significa que tiene muchas posibilidades de mejorar las cosas. Si su marido también está dispuesto a trabajar en su libido baja, no hay nada que les impida a ambos tener éxito.