Perché il mio ex non ha cercato di contattarmi (+Come fare per riaverlo)

One of the biggest questions known to mankind is “Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me?” I know we’ve all been there, so you’re familiar with the drill.

Maybe you don’t ask yourself this the very next day after the break-up.

Tuttavia, nel momento in cui la testa si raffredda un po', si cade in un abisso senza fine di incertezze, anticipazioni e pensieri eccessivi.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a dumpee or a dumper – either way, you’ll wonder the same things over and over again.

Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me? Are they over me so quickly? 

Hanno intenzione di chiamare? Quando accadrà? Quando vedrò il loro nome sullo schermo del mio telefono? Quando finiranno i miei tormenti?

Well, luckily for you, a relationship expert has the answers to all of your questions. Not only that: you’ll also get a step-by-step guide on how to make your ex reach out first.

10 Brutally Honest Reasons Why Your Ex Hasn’t Reached Out

I’m warning you: you won’t be happy to hear some of the reasons listed below. But hey, it’s always better to know the truth than to keep on living in a lie.

They’re as stubborn as a mule.

Dicono che L'orgoglio sarà sempre la distanza più lunga tra due persone.

Well, knowing this, hearing that the number one reason why people don’t reach out to their exes despite their feelings is that stubbornness won’t come to you as a surprise.

È probabile che sia così anche per il vostro ex fidanzato o ex fidanzata.

Siete lì, senza alcuna notizia da parte loro. Naturalmente, pensate che si siano dimenticati della vostra esistenza e che abbiano smesso di amarvi.

Forse hanno trovato un'altra persona o non si sono mai interessati a voi.

But, the truth is quite different. In fact, they feel the same way you do – they just chose to ignore their heart’s desires.

Il vostro ex ha deciso fermamente di non mettersi in contatto con voi. Naturalmente, non sono molte le persone che riescono a portare a termine le loro decisioni.

Se il l'amore è reale, prima o poi si renderanno conto che la testardaggine e la stupidità sono gemelle. Yes, they’re hurting you with this behavior.

Nevertheless, they’re also breaking their own heart. They’re hurting themselves in the process, and that can’t last for very long.

Of course, this doesn’t apply to everyone. You’re the one who knows this person to the core of their personality.

Therefore, you’re the only one who can give the answer to the question: “Can they keep their word?”

RELATIVO: Cosa pensa durante l'assenza di contatto? (8 pensieri più comuni)

Come risolvere il problema?

If your ex is just stubborn – the worst thing you can do is insist on tornare insieme. This way, they’ll get the impression that their tactic is being fruitful and they’ll just go on with their behavior patterns.

By begging them to come back to you, you’re giving wind to their wings. Instead, just ignore this childish behavior and patiently wait for them to knock on your door.

Tuttavia, c'è un'enorme differenza tra l'essere testardi e l'essere determinati. È possibile che abbiano deciso per un motivo?

Maybe your ex decided that they don’t want you back because you two are not compatible, or maybe it’s obvious that you have no future together.

Sì, forse vi amano ancora, ma in questo caso sono già decisi e avete poche possibilità di fargli cambiare idea.

RELATIVO: Mi ha bloccato: Cosa significa e cosa fare al riguardo

They’re fighting a battle within.

When you wonder why your ex hasn’t tried to contact you, you don’t try to take a walk in their shoes. Instead, you focus on your feelings and your own dilemmas.

Nel frattempo, li immaginate felici e contenti della loro vita. Pensate che il fatto che non vi chiamino equivalga a non pensare affatto a voi.

Don’t misunderstand me: there is nothing wrong with your mindset. You’re so overwhelmed with pain that you can’t get a hold of the broader picture, which is perfectly understandable.

But, is it possible that your ex is actually going through the same things you are? Is it possible that they’re fighting a battle within, which nobody has a clue about?

Just because they don’t go around complaining to your mutual friends about you doesn’t mean that they’re indifferent.

Just because their social media status updates don’t reveal their sadness doesn’t mean that they’re overjoyed with your break-up.

In this case, your ex still hasn’t made up their mind. They’re probably struggling not to call you every single day.

On one hand, they don’t see it as a good idea. They are either afraid of you two splitting up again or they are scared of not getting any positive feedback from you.

On the other hand, it’s clear that ti amano ancora. Their emotions aren’t going anywhere no matter how much they try to chase them away.

Come risolvere il problema?

In questo scenario, non c'è nulla di male nel dare una piccola spinta al proprio ex. They’re at the crossroads, and you’re the only one who can help them resolve this puzzle in their heart and mind.

I’m not saying that you should contact them first. But, you can give them a sign that you two still want the same things.

Have someone indirectly tell your ex that you would love to hear from them or just use your social media profiles to your advantage – whatever it takes to clear their doubts away.

La rabbia li travolge.

When a relationship ends, it’s a part of human nature to blame the other party for things going downhill. More than anywhere, this happens after romantic breakups.

This attitude doesn’t necessarily make you a persona tossica. You are just seeing things from your own point of view, and you can’t grasp the idea that you might be the bad guy in the story.

Lo stesso è accaduto con la vostra relazione. Ora che è finita, state dando tutta la colpa al vostro ex.

Consequently, you are convinced that they should be the one to reach out first. So, you’re sitting, overwhelmed with sadness, and wondering why your ex hasn’t tried to contact you.

Dopo tutto, hanno commesso un errore e, di norma, dovrebbero fare il primo passo. But, have you ever asked yourself: “What if things are actually different?”

This doesn’t have to mean that objectively, you’re guilty of your breakup. Nevertheless, from your ex’s point of view, all the blame is on you.

Forse avete fatto qualcosa che li ha allontanati. Forse provano ancora dei forti sentimenti per voi, ma sono accecati dalla rabbia.

Is it possible that your ex is holding grudges over your actions? Is it possible that they’re full of resentment?

Most importantly: is it possible that they’re not wrong? Is it possible that they have the right to be angry and that you really did something to hurt their feelings?

Come risolvere il problema?

Once you give yourself the answers to these questions, you’ll know what to do. Please be honest because this is the moment in which you decide your relationship’s destiny.

If your ex is angry without a proper reason – there is nothing you can do.

Beh, tecnicamente potete cercare di giustificare le vostre azioni e spiegarvi con loro, ma fidatevi di me, it’s better to leave them be and give them time to understand how foolish they are.

D'altra parte, se davvero avete commesso un errore e avete ferito i loro sentimenti in qualche modo, allora devi scusarti. Don’t beg them for a second chance – just tell them that you’re sorry.

La cosa più importante è riconoscere le loro emozioni. Fate capire loro che capite la loro rabbia e che hanno il pieno diritto di sentirsi così.

They don’t want to be needy.

It doesn’t matter if you’re dealing with an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend – what you have to be aware of is that some people are insecure.

Combattono con una bassa autostima e credono di essere non destinato ad essere amato non importa quanta attenzione e cura gli si dedichi.

Therefore, there is a great possibility that your ex doesn’t want to reach out because of one simple reason: they don’t want to appear needy and appiccicoso.

Questo è perfettamente ragionevole se siete stati voi a porre fine alla relazione.

After all, you left them behind and you decided that you couldn’t keep on with your romance, so it’s natural that they don’t want to call you.

In questo caso, il vostro ex è probabilmente un pensatore eccessivo che ha bisogno di una sorta di convalida da parte vostra prima di fare qualcosa.

Ogni volta che pensano di contattarvi, gli passano per la testa cento scenari diversi, ognuno dei quali ha un esito negativo.

Vi vedono fissare il telefono ignorando deliberatamente le loro chiamate. Vi vedono prendervi gioco di loro e ridere delle loro testi d'amore con i vostri amici.

Naturally, they don’t want to look like a pathetic loser who can’t get over you while you moved on ages ago.

They don’t want you to think of them as a stalker who refuses to accept that things have been over long ago.

Come risolvere il problema?

On the other hand, you and I both know that this couldn’t be further from the truth.

It’s not just that you wouldn’t think of them as pitiful if they contacted you. Instead, a single phone call coming from this person would make you the happiest person in the world.

Questo è esattamente il motivo per cui devi inviare loro un piccolo suggerimento.

Dovete trovare un modo per ispirarli a venire da voi. e assicuratevi che sappiano che non li vedrete mai come bisognosi o appiccicosi, qualunque cosa facciano.

Hanno bisogno di tempo per riflettere.

Just because you know where you stand with your emotions doesn’t necessarily mean that your ex is on the same page.

No, this is not the sign that they stopped loving you – maybe they just don’t know what they want.

You see, this breakup doesn’t have to be final. Instead, you can see it as a break – a chance for you both to think.

Ultimamente la vostra relazione sta diventando seria. Ora, il vostro ex è arrivato al punto di dover decidere se si tratta di un vero affare.

Forget about the fairytales and romantic movies where people know that they’re destinato ad essere fin dall'inizio.

Questa è la vita reale e non c'è nulla di male se qualcuno vuole schiarirsi le idee prima di prendere una decisione definitiva.

Come risolvere il problema?

Some people find this insulting. After all, you have no doubts about your ex being the one, while they’re having second thoughts. So, it’s clear that you’re the one who ama di più, isn’t it?

You don’t want to sit around and wait for your ex to make up their mind about you. This kind of situation will leave you humiliated.

You don’t want to put your life on hold, and that’s your right. You appreciate your dignity over everything else, and nobody can judge you for feeling this way.

D'altra parte, if you are ready to wait for your ex to think things through, then there is absolutely nothing you can do except – WAIT. Date loro il tempo di pensare e sperate nel risultato migliore.

But, don’t give them all the time in the world. Don’t turn into their safety net.

Instead, give yourself a deadline. If they don’t come to you with a decision up to that date, then turn around and never look back.

Giochi mentali.

When you’re involved with a toxic guy or girl, every little thing about your relationship is a big mind game.

The worst part is that the drama doesn’t end the moment your relationship does. Instead, it goes on and on for a long time after your breakup.

Actually, your ex doesn’t have to be toxic in order for things to turn out this way. It will be more than enough to have an immature ex who thinks that real love equals an emotional rollercoaster.

Either way, the bottom line is that the answer to your question, “Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me?”, is actually pretty simple: they’re playing mind games.

Che vi piaccia o no, ad alcune persone piacciono queste caldo e freddo situazioni più di quanto non gli piaccia essere in una relazione stabile.

Se non c'è agitazione, si affezionano presto e si annoiano in poco tempo.

Quindi, iniziano a rompere solo perché voi due possiate entrare in un altro gioco del gatto e del topo.

They’re not aware of how unhealthy these modelli di relazione inseguitore-distruttore sono, e non vedono nulla di sbagliato in questo comportamento finché li fa sentire vivi.

Everything is clear: if your ex is prone to these games, then they’re playing them now as well. They’re pretending to be hard to get, and this entire situation amuses them while it’s tearing you apart.

The most difficult part is determining whether they’re really not into you or are just playing. The answer is simple: if they keep on sending you mixed signals, then it is nothing but a game.

Come risolvere il problema?

Bene, it’s time to beat them at their own game. Basta stare al gioco e lasciarli più confusi che mai.

Ribaltate la situazione e metteteli al vostro posto: lasciate che siano loro ad analizzare le vostre mosse, tanto per cambiare. Agite in modo incoerente, inviate loro segnali contrastanti e fateli riflettere su ciò che volete.

Of course, that is, if you enjoy playing. On the other hand, if you’re sick and tired of this kind of relationship, then let your ex have fun on their own.

Whatever you do, just be aware that these people never change. They won’t get enough of their little games no matter what you do.

In pratica, you have two choices: you’ll either dance along or you’ll dance away.

Correlato: Perché il mio ex mi odia quando mi ha scaricato? 13 ragioni segrete

They’re waiting for your move.

Questo va di pari passo con la testardaggine e l'orgoglio. La verità è che il vostro ex sta aspettando la vostra mossa.

Let’s be honest: you’re trying to come up with different ways to get your ex indietro. You’re ready to do whatever it takes except for one thing: reaching out to them first.

What does this make you? Proud and stubborn, that’s right.

Well, why wouldn’t you consider the possibility that your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend feels the same way?

Forse they’re waiting for you to come back – the same way you expect them to show up at your doorstep.

Come risolvere il problema?

Questa sembra essere una situazione di perdita. One of you will have to back up; otherwise, you’ll spend eternity waiting for the other person to walk over their pride and make the first step.

Who should do it? Well, the dumper or the one who’s carrying the biggest blame for the breakup (which is usually the same person).

If your ex left you, then you shouldn’t reach out to them first. Otherwise, you’ll always have your doubts.

Even if you two reconcile, you’ll never be sure about their feelings. Would they ever call you if you hadn’t sent them quel messaggio di testo dicendo loro che ti mancano?

Sono davvero perfettamente in grado di vivere senza di te? Sono tornati con te perché ti amano o solo perché eri conveniente in un determinato momento?

On the other hand, if you’re the one who has made the mistake or if you’re the dumper – then you have to be the one to ask for a second chance.

I don’t care whether you’re male or female. Trust me: there is nothing wrong with a woman making the first move.

If you can’t forget your ex despite all of your attempts – I say go for it. You’re not miserable for trying to get back together with them. Instead, you’re brave for taking this risk.

No matter the outcome, at least you’ll always know that you tried. You won’t spend the rest of your life haunted by all the what ifs.

Questa è una vendetta.

Once more, it’s time for some introspection. Time to look at things realistically, and be fair and honest towards your behavior in your relationship.

If you broke your ex’s heart or left them emotivamente danneggiato in qualche modo, allora il fatto che vi ignorino potrebbe essere solo una vendetta. They’re just giving you a dose of your own medicine.

This person will probably come back to you. But, their pride doesn’t allow this to happen so fast.
In primo luogo, vogliono farvi del male. Vogliono farvi provare lo stesso dolore che hanno provato loro.

They want to show you that you can’t play with their feelings the way you want. Moreover, they want respect.

They want you to understand that they won’t be there for you no matter how you treat them. They want you to realize that counting on them at all times and taking them for granted was the mistake of your life.

Now, you ask yourself if this person even loves you when they’re capable of treating you this way. Well, if you really did do them harm – I hate to be the one to tell you, but you had it coming.

Queste sono le conseguenze delle vostre azioni. Vi meritate questo tipo di comportamento e non avete il diritto di lamentarvi più di tanto.

Yes, they love you – they just love themselves more, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If nothing else, at least you know that they’re not indifferent.

Come risolvere il problema?

Your ex’s revenge is not a sign of hatred. They’re not behaving in this manner to chase you away.
Invece, it is their cry. It’s their desperate plea for you to change your ways.

So, if you want to get your ex back, you’ll have to show them that you really are different now. Whether you like it or not, you’ll have to make them think that you’ve learned your lesson.

Fidatevi: non daranno mai una seconda possibilità alla vostra relazione finché il loro ego distrutto non sarà tornato al suo posto.

E l'unico modo perché ciò accada è che voi due siate alla pari: che entrambi siate feriti e abbattuti.

Solo quando il vostro ex smetterà di sentirsi emotivamente sottomesso e solo quando avrà l'impressione che la sua vendetta sia completata, tornerà da voi.

They’re trying to heal.

When you’re wondering: “Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me?”, sometimes the answer is that, at the same time, they’re trying to figure out come andare avanti.

It’s not that they’re applicazione della regola del non contatto per farvi sentire la loro assenza.

Non stanno giocando difficile da ottenere; they’re not doing all of this to make you chase them nor are they waiting for your move. Instead, they’re doing their best to heal their broken heart.

Naturalmente, il modo più efficiente per farlo è tagliare tutti i legami con voi e con chiunque vi sia collegato. The grieving period is over, and now they’re doing their best to rebuild their life without you in it.

Contacting you would mean slipping back. It would mean making two steps backward and ruining all the progress they’ve made so far.

This person is also fighting battles within. But, in this case, they’re not having second thoughts about what to do.

Invece, sanno qual è la scelta giusta. La loro mente non ha dubbi sul fatto che dovreste essere lasciati nel passato, al vostro posto.

Tuttavia, il loro cuore si rifiuta di obbedire. Sentono la vostra mancanza e provano ancora un forte sentimento per voi, ma sono perfettamente consapevoli che la vostra relazione è destinato a fallire.

Come risolvere il problema?

Guardando le cose da un punto di vista ottimistico, il vostro ex vi ama ancora. Quindi, non tutto è perduto.

On the other hand, if they’re determined to make you history, then they’ve made that choice for a valid reason. In that case, you’ll have to fight against real-life circumstances.

I don’t know if these are your personality traits, your incompatibility, or something that happened in the past. Either way, these are the obstacles you’ll have to overcome in order to get to your ex.

Pertanto, ci vorrà molto di più di un semplice messaggio di testo o di una telefonata per convincerli a seguire il cuore anziché il cervello.

They simply don’t care.

Finally, we’ve come to the part you’d rather not hear about. Look, when we love someone, there is always this undying hope that the other person feels the same way about us.

We are human beings and this hope is what keeps us alive. You’re no exception.

From the moment you and your ex broke up, you have kept expecting their return. After all, your emotions for them haven’t changed a bit.

Instead, they might have even grown stronger. Now that you’re forced to live without them, you realize how much this person actually means to you.

Quindi, si passa attraverso tutti gli scenari possibili, tranne quello in cui il vostro ex si è disinnamorato di voi. Ehi, scusate se rompo la vostra bolla di sapone, ma anche queste cose succedono, lo sapete, vero?

Sometimes, there are no mixed signals – no applying the no contact rule to get you back, no hidden messages, and no mind games. Sometimes, they’re just non è più così interessato a te.

So che questa persona vi ha amato alla luna e ritorno. Avete condiviso tanti bei ricordi e vi siete giurati amore eterno.

But, all of that is sadly over. Maybe they stopped loving you while you two were together, or else the time apart showed them that they’re better off without you. Either way – le loro emozioni sono morte.

Come risolvere il problema?

That doesn’t mean you can’t revive themNon è così? Prima di tutto, dovete scoprire se il vostro ex ha una nuova relazione o meno.

If they’re still single, you won’t have a hard time winning them back. You just have to remind them of all the reasons why they fell in love with you.

Be the person you were at the beginning of your relationship and they’ll be all yours in no time. On the other hand, if they are dating someone new, get to the bottom of this romance.

È una relazione seria? È a distanza o si vede sempre con il nuovo fidanzato o fidanzata?
Sono esclusivi? Quanto dura?

Most importantly: is this just a rebound relationship? Is your ex using this person as a cover for their self-deceptions in which they’re over you?

If this is the case, then you’ll just have to show them that you’re nowhere to be found. They can spend a lifetime cercando te in altre donne or men, but you’re one of a kind.

Tuttavia, preparatevi a uno scenario in cui hanno davvero trovato l'amore della loro vita.

Maybe they’ve met their soulmate, and if that is so, then all you can do is let go. Let them be happy without intruding as much as it might hurt.

Nove trucchi magici per convincere il vostro ex a ricontattarvi

Now that you got your question, “Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me,” answered, it’s time to get the job done all the way.

Ecco la guida definitiva per convincere il vostro ex a fare la prima mossa senza che voi dobbiate fare nulla.

Guardate con realismo alla vostra relazione.

Now that you’ve survived the first few months of no contact with your ex, you’re no longer impassioned by everything that has happened. At least, you shouldn’t be.

This doesn’t mean that you’re su di loro – it’s just that this no contact period was a chance to observe your relationship from a safe time distance.

For the first time ever, you’re no longer blinded by the love you feel for them.

Finally, after a lot of time, you can answer the ultimate question: “Can you imagine your life with this person by your side?” I’m begging you to disregard your ego now.

Dimenticatevi di chi ha scaricato chi. Dimenticate la vendetta e la chiusura.

Fate del vostro meglio per capire se volete veramente Tornare insieme alla persona amata. Riuscite a dimenticarli presto? Oppure, li vedete davvero come il l'amore della tua vita?

Now that we have that covered, it’s time to rethink the breakup. Let’s try and disregard your emotions here.

Il fatto è che vi siete lasciati per un motivo. Qual è questo motivo? E soprattutto: è qualcosa che si può risolvere?

C'è un'enorme differenza tra il lasciarsi in un momento di foga e il farlo perché la relazione è andata in frantumi per un po'.

Maybe you two had an argument that went too far. Maybe you can’t even remember how it all started. But, some things were said, you’re both proud, and just like that, your two-year relationship has ended.

In this case, getting back together is the right choice. As soon as one of you makes the first step, you’ll make your relationship work in no time.

Nevertheless, it’s completely different if you split ways for a reasonable cause. It’s different if there are red flags indicating that your romance can’t succeed, but you just refused to see them.

If this is what happened, then ask yourself whether this time will be any different. Pretend that you’re giving a piece of advice to a friend.

Se qualcuno vi raccontasse la vostra storia d'amore, gli consigliereste di cercare di sistemare la loro relazione interrotta? Or, would you tell them to let go of the love they feel and accept the fact that it’s over?

Migliorare se stessi.

The no contact period isn’t there just to make your ex miss you. Instead, it should serve you a chance to work on yourself.

Dopo tutto, the worst thing you can do is put your life on hold while you’re waiting for things to go back to their old ways. Rock il tuo vita da single e ottenere il meglio da essa.

You haven’t seen or heard from your ex in ages, so you guess they can’t possibly know whether you’re crying yourself to sleep or enjoying every moment like it’s your last. But, trust me, you’re wrong.

Whether you believe it or not, they do feel your vibe. They will sense if you’re desperate, and that will just chase them away even further.

How many times have you heard stories of people reappearing in their exes lives the moment they forgot all about them? Well, that’s the energy I’m talking about.

If your ex notices or senses that you’ve moved on with your life, fear will awaken inside of them. They’ll get scared that you’re moving on from them.

They’ll start to feel replaceable, and they’ll do everything in their power to prevent you from forgetting all about them. Sounds toxic, I know, but this is the effect you want to achieve.

Besides, even if you don’t make your failed relationship work, at least you’ll know you’ve used this period for something good.

You didn’t waste your time looking at your phone and expecting a text message that would never come.
Invece, avete ricostruito voi stessi. Si è trasformato nella persona che doveva essere fin dall'inizio.

E la cosa migliore è che quando ci si prende cura di se stessi, si lavora anche sulla propria autostima.

Utilizzate questo tempo per concentrarvi sulle vostre qualità. I’m not forcing you to stop loving your ex – just start loving yourself more.

Fidatevi di me: non appena se ne accorgeranno, vi seguiranno e vi riserveranno finalmente il trattamento che meritate.

Don’t be at arm’s reach.

Once you build your self-esteem, you’ll understand the importance of not being too available to your ex. Look, they’re just a human being, and we human beings are actually pretty simple.

Non appena vediamo che possiamo avere qualcuno quando ne abbiamo voglia, quella persona smette di essere interessante.

The moment your ex sees that they don’t have to put effort into having you back – they’ll start taking you for granted.

Why would they waste their energy in fighting for you when you’re always at arm’s reach? Instead, they’ll continue enjoying their single life and exploring their options.

After all, no matter what happens and no matter how much time goes by, you’ll always be there patiently waiting for them.

You’ll welcome them back in your life open-handedly as if they left last week and not last year.

I’m sure you get the picture. They are very sure that they’ll never lose you and that there is nothing they can do to make you stop loving them.

Ecco perché dovete scuotere il loro mondo. Il vostro ex deve sentire la vostra assenza per poter apprezzare la vostra presenza.

Bisogna fare in modo che preoccuparsi di perderti in modo permanente.

Trasformate i social media nella vostra arma di distruzione.

I social media sono una parte importante di ogni relazione. Ma diventano ancora più importanti nel momento in cui una relazione finisce.

Pertanto, se mi chiedete se dovete togliere l'amicizia e seguire il vostro ex, la risposta sarà sempre no. Ovviamente, a meno che non lo vogliate ancora.

Dovete usare i social media come arma principale. In pratica, i vostri profili vi danno la possibilità di ribaltare la situazione a vostro favore senza lasciare il letto.

Le opzioni sono infinite. You can make your ex jealous while sitting in your PJs. You can make them wonder if you’ve moved on without actually moving an inch.

The crucial thing here is to play your cards right. Please, don’t even think of posting sad status updates or songs that remind you of your ex.

By doing this, they’ll see you as desperate. Besides, you’ll look like a coward. It’s more than obvious that you miss them like hell, but you’re not doing anything about it.

Invece, use social media to make your ex realize that you’re living your best life. Post selfies with a huge smile on your face, go out as much as you can, and don’t forget to travel.

But, don’t forget to stuzzicarli anche. Pubblicate qualcosa che li faccia riflettere. Questa canzone in fondo al video è una coincidenza? Oppure state inviando loro un messaggio?

Is that your new boyfriend or girlfriend’s arm in that new photo you posted? Or, are you out with your best friend as usual?

Indossa di proposito la camicia che indossava l'ultima volta che siete stati insieme? O sono loro a pensare troppo e a immaginarsi le cose?

The examples are endless, but I’m sure you get the point. Your final goal is to make your ex analyze your every move.

Make them wonder, and that will arouse their interest in you. Sounds like a heck of a plan, doesn’t it? Well, all you have to do is put it in motion.

Dagli un po' di tempo.

Il trucco del regola del divieto di contatto is that it doesn’t give you any results overnight. In fact, even days of no contact won’t make any changes. Instead, you have to give it a couple of months, or at least, weeks.

I know that you want to hear from your ex the very next day after your breakup, but sadly, things don’t work out that way.

As much as this hurts, you’ll have to let time do its magic. Give your ex a chance to mi manchi e di vedere come sarebbe la loro vita senza di voi.

Besides, if this approach doesn’t work out the way you have planned, I promise that you’ll heal during this period.

You won’t notice it right away, but before you know it, you’ll see that you managed to survive without them against all odds.

In ogni caso, prendersi un po' di tempo per la vostra relazione vi farà bene. Vi renderete conto che potete stare lontani o che volete passare il resto della vostra vita insieme.

Rompere il silenzio.

I know that the last thing you want to do while wondering “Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me?” is to be the one who contacts them. Nevertheless, sometimes, you have no other choice.

A couple of months has passed, but there is still no sign of them. You’ve been getting some clues, but nothing significant has occurred.

Prima di ogni altra cosa, voglio che sappiate che fare la prima mossa non è mai patetico.

Sometimes, this roller coaster you got yourself involved in gets out of hand, and you get to the point where you can’t stand still, waiting for a miracle that isn’t coming.

Therefore, if they haven’t reached out after the no contact period, then it’s time to check whether your ex wants you back or not.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not advising you to send them an essay telling them that you can’t live without them and warning them that you won’t survive this heartbreak they’ve put you through.

So che probabilmente avete l'impulso di fare proprio questo, ma questo potrebbe spaventarli.

If you have the need to express your emotions, then put them on a piece of paper or talk to your best friend – this is still not the moment to declare your everlasting love to the object of your affection.

Besides, you have no idea if they’ve moved on. Maybe they’re in a serious relationship and you don’t want to appear a fool by wearing your heart on a sleeve just like that.

Invece, trovare una scusa per rompere il silenzio.

Ask them for a favor they can’t refuse, tell them that you ran into some of their old stuff and that you were wondering if they want it back, or even wish them a happy birthday.

Siate brevi e concisi, ma non troppo formali. Lasciate spazio per ulteriori comunicazioni, ma lasciate che si interroghino sulle vostre vere intenzioni.

Usate la curiosità a vostro favore.

Once you contact your ex, they can’t be sure about what you really want unless you want to risk them losing interest right away.

Invece, stuzzicateli. Siate abbastanza intelligenti da usare la curiosità a vostro favore.

For example, instead of telling them that you want your stuff back, just text them something like “Hey, what’s up?” Don’t forget to add a smiley face.

This way, they’ll have to respond. Trust me: your ex wants to know what’s inside your head.

Do you need something from them? Does this text have a purpose? Are you about to tell them how much you miss them? Or, do you just want to see what they’ve been up to?

Once they do respond, you’ll see the direction in which the conversation is going.

Are they being formal? Does it look like they were waiting for this text? Are they keeping the communication alive? Or, perhaps they can’t wait to get rid of you?

On the other hand, if they don’t respond, you still have an ace in your sleeve. Now, you can use the excuse from the beginning of the story.

Do you see what you did there? You just tested the grounds, but avoided the risk of being humiliated in the case that they’re not interested.

L'effetto Zeigarnik.

Secondo l'effetto Zeigarnik, it’s in every human being’s nature to recall the unfinished tasks and activities rather than the finished ones.

What does this have to do with getting my ex back, you’re probably wondering.

Beh, sorprendentemente, molto. Se si segue questa logica, you’ll interrupt your conversation in the middle of it – just as things are starting to heat up.

You won’t just disappear, but if you’re texting, you’ll tell them something like: “Hey, sorry, I have to go. It was nice hearing from you. Take care.”

The crucial thing is to do this out of the blue. This way, you’ll leave them confused.

Your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend will feel like there are still some things left unsaid. Your entire drama is unresolved and he’ll get the urge to finish it one way or another.

So, I’ll bet you on this one: they will contact you. It doesn’t have to happen the next day, but sometime soon, you’ll see their name on your screen.

Sounds like magic, I know. Nevertheless, it’s actually science and you should use it in your favor.

Dare loro una tabula rasa.

As much as you’d like to, you can’t use this trick forever. Yes, it’s effective in the beginning, but with time, all of it turns into endless mind games that will lead you nowhere.

Sooner or later, you’ll have to end this charade. You’ll either get back together or finish things once and for all.

Either way, it’s your job to give your ex a clean slate. No, you’re not doing this just for them.

In the first place, you’re doing it for your own well-being. You’re doing it to give yourself the chiusura di cui avete disperatamente bisogno.

Enough with the games: it’s time for some grown-up talk. If you two still haven’t reconciled up to now, then come clean about your feelings and intentions.

Don’t worry: they’re already hooked, and if they plan on getting back together with you, they will give your relationship a second chance.

On the other hand, if they refuse your offer, then at least you’ll know where you stand. Basically, it’s a win-win situation.

Per concludere:

I won’t lie to you – there is no magic answer to the question “Why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me?” Everyone is different, and there is a list of causes hiding behind their behavior.

Your job is to figure out which of the reasons mentioned above can be applied to your situation. Once you do that, you’re halfway towards your goal!