After all this time, I’m still hoping.
I’m hoping that maybe one day you will explain why you left me.
I know it’s wrong. I should just leave you in the past and simply move on with my life.
But that’s not easy.
How do you move on from something you thought was going to last forever?
How do you move on from someone you had such strong feelings for and whom you loved with all your heart?
To be honest, I don’t know how many times I tried to write this letter and I couldn’t do it.
My emotions were all over the place.
I still loved you.
However, I was also angry because I couldn’t believe it was so easy for you to let me go. To let our love go.
Now, I am angry at myself for loving someone who was never mine, who left me without any words.
I felt betrayed because you lied to me.
How many times did you say that you would do anything for me, that there was nothing in this world you wouldn’t have done for me?
Well, the only thing you had to do was love me like I loved you. And you failed.
I felt sad. That’s it. I felt so profoundly sad.
There are not enough words to describe that feeling.
I hope you understand what you did and what kind of consequences it left on me. You left an undeniable mark on my heart.
If you ever cared for me, you wouldn’t have made me feel like this.
I was afraid. I was actually worried about my mental health because I didn’t think I was strong enough to cope with you leaving.
The scars you left made me scared.
I kept fearing that the man who would come after you would be just as bad as you were.
After it all ended, I didn’t want anyone else to take your place.
I didn’t want to have someone near me if that wasn’t you.
I was confused. I simply wasn’t able to comprehend what happened.
None of it seemed to make any sense to me.
Everything seemed to be perfect in one moment but then you broke my heart. You broke me.
And I was left with the feeling of insecurity, which I have even now.
I thought that I wasn’t enough for you or that maybe I had rushed you into something you didn’t want.
Sometimes I even caught myself thinking that I wouldn’t ever find someone who would be able to love me like I deserve, like I loved you, selfless and pure, without any measure.
But now, after time healed my wounds and after I managed to patch my heart, I know that true love will find me, at the right time…
So thank you. Thank you for letting me go.
I learned how to say goodbye. You taught me how to spread my wings and fly freely again.
Guess what? The world didn’t stop with you leaving after all.
There are so many beautiful things just waiting for me to go out and explore them.
There is someone who will be ready for my love.
Someone who will spoil me with his love. Someone whom I will encourage to be better every step of the way.
There is someone with whom I will fulfill my dreams.
Someone who isn’t afraid to love or commit.
I know it’s my fault I gave you all the love you didn’t deserve.
I gave you all of me.
I am sorry because I didn’t know how to love any less than that… But you weren’t ready to love me the same way.
Maybe I pushed too hard.
Did I scare you with something I did? I know you didn’t fake all of that.
You can’t fake emotions as strong as that. You didn’t fake your love. So, what really happened?
This is a rhetorical question because I don’t want to know the answer.
I am afraid of it. I am afraid you’ll tell me that I rushed you into something serious.
I want to believe that you weren’t ready for a serious relationship, that you weren’t ready for the type of love I was giving you.
You weren’t ready for that ‘forever type of love’.
Anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore who was wrong and who was right. It doesn’t matter whether I chased you away or you were the running type.
What matters is that I learned something from our story.
I learned a thing or two about men and relationships. I learned to let go of the things that weren’t meant for me.
Most importantly, I learned to value myself more.
I opened my eyes to new perspectives and a new life I can have without you.
And you?
You became a part of my past and I want to leave you there. I am ready for the future.
Take care of yourself and goodbye… forever!
