Real friends are hard to come by and even harder to keep, but fake friends and fake people seem to be on every corner, ready to take advantage of you in your hard times.
If you’ve ever had a fake friendship in your life, you know what I’m talking about here.
Real friends make the journey of life more bearable.
They can be your close friends from your friend group in high school who are still very much your BFFs, or your coworkers whom you’ve formed really close bonds with during the course of your working relationship.
When you find new friends and immediately know that there’s a genuine bond there, it doesn’t matter if you’ve known them for 3 months or 3 years.
True friends prove their loyalty and false friends drain you of your energy, no matter how long they’ve been in your social circle.
Fake friends exhibit bad behavior on a regular basis, masking it as ”tough love” while claiming to be there for you, while real friends and real friendship take so little effort yet provide you with so much support, kindness, and unending love.
It’s important to be able to distinguish the difference between toxic friendships (same goes with toxic relationships) and bad friends.
You owe it to yourself to draw a line of acceptable behavior and once you see a good friend crossing that line more often than not, to call them out on it and cut them out (if need be).
You see, I’ve been there a lot. I’ve had best friends who turned out to be anything but.
I’ve had my heart shattered by a friend more times than I’ve ever been hurt by a guy. My problem is that I kept giving fake friends chances that they didn’t deserve.
It took me years to realize that just because someone’s been in your life for many years, it doesn’t mean they deserve to stay there.
Long-term friends can be the fakest friends you’ll ever meet, which I’ve learned the hard way.
How To Spot The Fake Friends?
Fake friends are hard to spot if they’ve been around you for a long time, and that’s only because you keep telling yourself that it’s not the case. How could your best friend of 10 years end up being a faker? It just can’t be…
So you brush it off and keep feeding yourself lies.
In my own life, I’ve lied to myself on more than one occasion. A few people who I considered to genuinely be my best friends, ended up making me doubt such a thing even exists.
Toxic people will never show you their true colors until they’ve got no more use from you.
And last year, I finally rid myself of all the bad people I foolishly kept around, admitting to myself that I deserve better friends who won’t be all about gossiping and shattering your self-esteem.
The friends I deserve are those who’ll hold my hand after a devastating breakup, who won’t forget that there’s such a thing as phone calls when we’re physically apart, and who’ll talk to me even when I’m difficult to be around.
You should never settle for anything less than a group of friends who support you, encourage you, and aren’t a secret frenemy.
Mutual friends or not, you owe it to yourself to say bye to every unhealthy relationship in your life.
If right at this moment, you’re starting to realize that you have some fake friends around and you’re done making excuses for them, I applaud you! It isn’t easy weeding out bad people from your life.
It isn’t easy saying goodbye to a long-term friend once realizing they’re no longer the type of person who means well.
As you grow older, you start seeing people for who they really are as opposed to who they’ve been pretending to be.
And while it’s hard AF cutting ties with people you love like family, it’s necessary for your own happiness.
You’ll never thrive for as long as you keep harboring fake friends.
You’ll never be at peace knowing that your social circle is lacking in quality. It’s always better to have one true friend than five fake friends.
There’s a reason why they say good friends are hard to find. It’s easy being a good friend when things are going great and life isn’t throwing you curveballs.
But when shit hits the fan, the fake people are easy to spot. They’re the ones showing you their back while the real ones stick around.
Watch out for these 12 signs of fake friends. Take it from a girl who’s been there one too many times.
It’s SO much better having one genuine person than a whole array of fakers who are bound to break your heart.
1. Fake friends never ask how you are
Think about how many times a person you considered a true friend asked you that simple question, “How are you?” and genuinely meant it.
How many times has that person purposefully talked about you and your problems and not about them and their own issues?
Fake friends are their own favorite conversational topic. They’ll find any way they can to make every conversation about them.
They’ll pretend they care about what you have to say, only to find any chance to interrupt you and start talking about their own stuff.
A good friend listens and offers their support, while fake people listen only to be able to get going about themselves.
You’ll notice a faker simply by observing how many times they’ll reply with something actually pertinent to what you were talking about and how often they’ll segue into their own topic.
A fake friend is the type of person who won’t care about your needs and won’t be able to hide it very well. Do you have this kind of person in your friend group?
2. Fake friends hang out with sketchy people
I’ll never be the type of person who tells anyone what to do and who to spend time with. But I will damn sure be mindful of the type of people I let in my life.
And if I start noticing that my friends are hanging out with sketchy, possibly toxic people, I’ll slowly distance myself from that situation.
A real friend hangs out in your social circle and spends most of their time with you, while also having a few friends outside your friend group from different stages of life (totally normal).
But a faker will socialize with people of questionable morals and intentions who rub you the wrong way.
Have you had experience with your friend hanging around those who are clearly not good people? If so, it tells you a lot about them and what type of person they are.
Be careful who you let near your life. Is your friend worth your feelings of uneasiness around those shady people?
3. Fake friends never own up to their mistakes
One thing a faker will never do is say sorry when an apology is due. I’ve personally had so much experience with this that I know for a fact it to be the case.
A real friend will apologize when they make you feel like shit and they’ll be mindful not to repeat it.
But a fake friend will keep making you feel all kinds of shitty and when you try to confront them about it, they’ll make you out to be the crazy one.
You’ll always be the one exaggerating, playing the victim, or being unreasonable, while they’ll be anything but real friends to you.
This should be your final red flag. You know how a real friend is supposed to make you feel (loved, heard, supported, and included).
And if you don’t feel any of those things, you know you’re around a person who’s taking you for granted.
The icing on the cake is their ability to always turn everything on you.
No matter how many times they make you feel like shit and treat you badly, you’ll always be the crazy one.
4. Fake friends judge you and your life choices
A friend is someone who supports you in all your endeavors and never dares judge you for making your own decisions.
They offer their input when asked, but if not, they encourage you, respect you, and never judge you because they know they’ve got no right to.
Fake friends secretly judge you and everything you do. They have opinions on you, your life, and your choices, and constantly offer their unwarranted opinions.
They mask their true intentions as ”caring,” but in reality, they live through you by giving themselves the right to act as guardians of your life.
With fakers, you never feel like you can say anything without feeling judged. No matter how much you thought something through, they’ll always know better and rub it in your face.
Fake people will never support you, but they’ll always know what’s best for you.
5. Fake friends make you feel worthless
If I had a nickel for every time I felt like shit around someone who I considered to be a best friend, I’d be able to afford a private jet right now. The saddest part is that I’m not even joking.
Listen. A friend is somebody you willingly let into your life and CHOOSE to spend time with.
So why would you choose to engage in any type of relationship with somebody who’s constantly putting you down?
Why would you ever let a person who doesn’t need to be in your life give you so much shit?
A fake friend makes you think you’re not good enough. They put you down whenever they feel like it and they make you think that you need to change.
They like gossiping about everyone (which makes you think they do the same behind your back) and they don’t have genuine intentions.
Don’t put up with any of those things. You deserve better friends.
You deserve someone who’s there for you when you fall on hard times, not someone who’ll make you feel guilty for not doing well. Stop making excuses and start making better friend choices!
6. Fake friends don’t respect your limitations
Simply put, fake friends ask for a LOT and give next to nothing in return. They don’t have a problem with overstepping their boundaries and asking you to do stuff that’s beyond your limitations.
True friends know when to draw a line. They know when they’re simply asking for too much and they would never impose such a difficult asking on you, knowing how unfair that would be.
But fakers will give zero regards to your limitations and expect you to do as they please, while not even considering what they’re asking of you.
Don’t surround yourself with people who drain you of your energy and only take without ever giving.
That’s a one-sided friendship that only benefits your fake friend. Don’t let a bad person exhaust you to the point of no return.
Recognize when you’re being asked for too much and demand respect and boundaries.
Those who are truly your close friends will understand and those who aren‘t will refuse to stop. It’s up to you to weed out the toxic people from real friends.
7. Fake friends can’t take “no” for an answer
Sometimes, you just need to put your foot down and say “no.” With no explanations and no justifying yourself.
You have every right to refuse to do something and if somebody has a problem with that, they’re not good for you in the first place.
Fake friends have a problem with being refused in any regard.
They seem to think that they’re entitled to everything, so when their bubble is burst, they throw a fit.
It can be the smallest thing. For example, if you can’t agree on which pub you’ll go to that night, they refuse to budge and keep insisting to go to their favorite spot.
If you dare say “no” and kindly ask to go to a different place just that one time, they accuse you of being a bad friend.
I’ve literally had that happen so many times and it’s insane how entitled and toxic some people get.
If you don’t abide by their ideas of a good time, you’re being a crappy friend. And that, my friend, is something you should get away from ASAP.
Fake friends can turn the simplest conversation into a battlefield if they don’t have their way.
And that is a problem you should never have to deal with again.
8. Fake friends are never genuinely happy for your success
Have you noticed how some people get truly happy when you share your good news with them, almost as if it was happening to them? Those are true friends in life. People who get happy and excited when good things happen to you.
But with fakers, it’s a whole other ball game.
Fake friends will do their best to pretend to be happy for you, all the while dying of jealousy and resentment on the inside. They never hug you like they mean it and their smile is always forced.
You can literally see the difference between the type of person who’s happy for you and the person who’s faking it to the point of their face freezing of all the forced smiles.
It’s so simple. Good friends love you and are therefore happy when you succeed in any area of life. Your happiness means that they’re happy too because they genuinely want the best for you.
But your frenemy will be jaded because it isn’t happening to them and offer you a hug while barely hiding their toxic friendship from swimming to the surface.
Observe people’s reactions upon hearing your good news and trust what you see. Your gut feeling always knows what’s up.
9. Fake friends never defend you
A fake friendship is one where you know that you’ll never be defended in your absence.
A false friend will never stand up for you when you’re being dragged through the mud. Real friendship means having your friend’s back in good times and bad.
How many friends from your social circle can you truly say would stand up for you and fight for your honor?
How many of them would speak up when you’re being gossiped about and either put a stop to it or leave the conversation?
Truly give this a thought and then you’ll know who your real friends are.
Friendship is all about loyalty and respect. Only a bad person will go along with the crowd and taint your name when you’re not around.
But it takes courage to be the one to speak out when it’s not easy to do and when it means going against everyone else in the room. That’s the truest friend you’ll ever have in life.
It only takes one phone call to let you know how poorly spoken about you’re being among your supposed group of friends. Those who keep it from you are just as bad as those going along with it.
Stick to that one person who never made you doubt them for one second. They’re the only friend you need.
10. Fake friends are never there during hard times
Fakers always have somewhere to be and something important to do when you’re in need of their help.
When it isn’t about them and when they have nothing to gain, they’ll disappear faster than you can say fake friend.
Be mindful of the people who offer you a hand when you’re going through some heavy stuff.
Appreciate those who take the time to be there, no matter how inconvenient it might be for them.
Willingness to offer selfless assistance during challenging times is one of the most selfless acts a person may offer.
Notice the people you have to beg to come and those who don’t even need to be asked.
That’s the most distinguishable difference between a real friend and a faker. Real ones are just there, no questions asked.
Fakers disappear in the wind without feeling a stitch of guilt.
11. Fake friends change their personality depending on who they’re around
Do you know the easiest way to figure out the fakers? They have a few different personalities and they all vary depending on the type of person they’re with.
And that’s because they need different things from different people, so they need to be perceived in a way that allows them to get what they need from each friend.
So you may encounter different shades of personality from that one friend and be taken aback by the fake front they put on in order to get what they want.
This is really easy to spot and even easier to weed out.
Who needs a fake friend with five messed up personalities in one when you can have one genuine friend who acts the same regardless of the social circle? Get yourself a friend who’s true to who they are.
It’s not easy always being authentic, but it’s necessary if you want to find genuine people with kind intentions.
12. Fake friends can’t be trusted
You know those people you can just say anything to and you’ll know they’re taking it to the grave?
Now those are true friends! That’s how I personally know who’s worthy of my trust and effort and who’s just tagging along temporarily.
Fake friends can’t be trusted with much. You just know that they’ll spread around it like it’s their job.
And if they’re not loyal to you, what’s the point of keeping them around?
Think about who you could share disturbing news with right this moment, knowing they’d never share it with anyone (in person or through social media).
Who would you trust with your life? At the end of the day, that’s what it’s all about.
Your lifers are those you could say anything to knowing your secret is safe.
And fake friends will never have your full trust because they’re always looking for some kind of leverage.
Keep those friends who make you feel seen, heard, and fiercely appreciated. Those are your real friends.
Trust is the basis of any healthy relationship. If you don’t have that one vital thing, what do you really have?
Trust, loyalty, and consistency are the core of any healthy relationship between two individuals who deeply care about each other.
If your friends are lacking in those areas, they’re not worthy of being called a friend. Now that you know the difference, hopefully you’ll never settle for a faker again.