I really didn’t see this one coming. How could I know that you will mean so much to me? How could I not fall in love with your sparkling eyes when you were looking at me, your perfect and sweet smile and your touches that made me feel like I never felt before?

I admit it—I fell for you, not even knowing that.

I fell for you so hard that I totally lost myself in trying to make you notice me. And all the way along, I refused to believe that you will never be mine. I used to daydream about us and our perfect future life.

I was thinking that we will get married, have kids and live happily ever after. I thought that you are what I have been seeking for such a long time and that you will never disappoint me. But you did. And it broke my heart into pieces so small that it can’t be fixed anymore.

I was left with a bleeding heart, begging you to look at me and to heal me with only one touch.

I was begging you to stay with me because my pride didn’t mean anything to me compared to my love for you. I was ready to do anything for the man of my dreams. And I didn’t care what others will say about that as long as I was happy. The thing was that I couldn’t get what I craved the most because you didn’t feel even half of what I felt.

You didn’t know that I was thinking about you the whole day and that I would totally lose myself when you would pass near me. With every word from your mouth, I was melting, even if it was just ‘hi’ while you were passing by. Every time I would see you, my heart started beating faster and I would feel like I was going to faint.

I was so nervous trying to impress you but I never could reach out to you deeply enough for you to take me into consideration.

For you, I was just a cute girl that you would have fun with when your wife wasn’t there. And you know what the worst part of it was? I was satisfied with having just a little bit of you. It was better to have a piece of you than not having you at all. And that worked for you as well. You had me whenever you wanted and I behaved like it was my last time every time I would be with you.

Too bad that I didn’t know that you will never be mine—not because it wasn’t possible but because you didn’t want that. You didn’t think about me as someone you can spend the rest of your life with. You just wanted to have me when you wanted and you didn’t think about my needs. And my only need wasn’t that I sleep with you, hug you or kiss you.

My essential need was to have you as my best friend, my soulmate and my better half.

I wanted you to fight for me, but you couldn’t even do that. You were a coward for making me fall for you, knowing that you would never reciprocate with the same emotions. You just saw a great opportunity and you took it without even asking what I wanted. And I just wanted your love. Only that. But you missed seeing how amazing I was.

You didn’t see my fun spirit, my cheerful temperament and my support for you when you needed it. You missed seeing all the good things about me because you were only interested in exploring my body instead of my heart. And the main problem was that we didn’t want the same things.  

We were two different worlds that could never make it. And even if I don’t know why our paths crossed, I am still glad I met you. Not because of you but because of the life lesson I learned while I was with you.

I learned that the way you treated me is not the way a man in love should treat his lady. Being in love is much more than that—much more love, affection, and support. It means not trying to mold your lady into someone who she doesn’t want to be, just so you could be happy. It is accepting the one you love just the way they are and not trying to change them unless they want it.

So, if you ever read this letter, I want you to know that I was crazy in love with you and I don’t regret that. In the end, no matter how hard you try, you really can’t control your feelings. You can just go with the flow or let everything go.

You see, I tried both options and I liked the second one more. When I let you go, I finally found myself. I finally started to love myself again and baby, to be honest, that is the only love I need.

Christine Keller

I started writing just as a hobby, but in the end, I decided that it is something that fulfills me. I find inspiration in life’s everyday problems and every article that I write tells something about my past. In this way, I want to tell women all around the world that even though we are miles away, our pain makes us close. My articles were written to comfort those who need it the most and to tell them that they are not alone. I am a full-time mom, and I like spending time with my son, good people, sunny days and beer.

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