You might have been told that in love you should not have any boundaries. This is because of the romantic notions about love, because of your good intentions, and because of the feeling of selflessness. But that is, of course, not true. Nothing good will come out of love without boundaries. When not honoring your boundaries in a romantic relationship, you will just end up drained and have a hard time making decisions or just focusing. A high-value woman will always have high self-respect, and that’s why it’s critical to set boundaries. You are not only teaching a man how to treat you, but you will also regain your self-worth and feel good about yourself. Boundaries are so powerful that when set and enforced, they will help you create the love you desire—the love you deserve. Here are five specific ways to create boundaries.
1. Separate the behavior from the person
This is usually overlooked but very important. A lot of times you came into a situation in which your partner did something wrong. In other words, he was an asshole. Now before you make your decision on whether or not to forgive him, consider this: is he a nice guy who exhibited asshole behavior or is he just an asshole doing what assholes do best? Then, you can decide whether to be pissed about the behavior and not the guy OR be pissed about the whole thing. This is fundamental to being able to share with the person how to do things in a way that are fulfilling to you without cutting them off and leaving because they crossed the line.
2. Sex is not your currency
If you think it’s still too early, or you just don’t feel like having sex, you should set your boundaries. Make it very clear what you want and when you want it. Just because he took you on a nice date, paid for dinner or bought you a gift, doesn’t mean you owe him sex. A high-value woman will set the boundaries and won’t get sexually intimate with a man before committing to a relationship that suits her needs. If you like the guy but think it’s still too early for intercourse, then set the boundaries in a way which lets him know that you find him very attractive, but you are still not ready to get intimate with him. If he likes you too, this won’t bother him, and he will wait until you get comfortable enough to make that move.
3. Don’t be afraid to say out loud what it is that you want/desire
With a man, you should go direct without bullshitting around. Why? Because for the most part, men talk to each other in that manner. They are used to be told directly what it is that they need to do, what it is that the other person needs, and what’s their responsibility. That’s exactly what you should do—especially in the beginning of a relationship. If you set your boundaries and tell him what you expect and require from him right away, you’re not only setting boundaries for yourself, but you’re also letting him know what his responsibilities are going to be and thus making it easier for him to understand. Don’t be afraid of maybe intimidating him too much and scaring him off because if he does flinch away, then you know he was not able to fulfill your needs anyway.
4. The digital world
Today, much of our private lives, including our relationships is presented on social media. Now, this is also one of the boundaries that should be addressed here. How much of your private life do you want to be shared on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter? Let your partner know right at the beginning what you think about social media and what your boundaries are regarding that. Is it ok for you to change the relationship status? Is it ok for you to follow each other’s friends? Is it ok to post anything about your relationship? You need to feel safe in relationship to your new guy and so does he. Forming boundaries up front is how a high-value woman stands out from the crowd.
5. Enforce your boundaries
It is not enough to set the boundaries, you also need to enforce them. Telling a guy that you don’t want sex but continuing to make out is not really giving the right picture to him. Enforce what you created, and it will open the door for love to come your way. If you are enforcing your boundaries the way you want them to be, it will teach the guy how to treat you, and by honoring your boundaries, others will too. Focus on what you want and need, and be ready to even walk away if things are deal breakers for you or the guy is just unable to rise up to your expectations—like not giving you enough respect, time or space that you need.