I wanted a man who will see me for who I am and who’ll decide I’m worthy of his love. I wanted a man who will not project his issues on me and who’ll add value to my life.
I wanted someone who’ll know my worth.
I wanted a man who’ll see what I do in my life and who’ll support me. I wanted a man who’ll respect me and who’ll see me as a person that can add value to his life.
I wanted someone who won’t just see me for my flaws and mistakes.
I wanted someone who will see that my good sides always outnumber those bad ones. I wanted someone who won’t make me feel like I’m crazy, who will not play with my heart and my trust.
I wanted someone who’ll see me as a human and still decide to love me.
I wanted us to be a team.
I wanted us to be there for each other. I wanted you to have my back as much as I had yours. I wanted to know I could count on you as much as you were able to count on me.
Because I would’ve always come when you needed me. I would’ve been there for you for forever. But you decided to not be there for me.
Instead of fighting for me and keeping me from all the bad things, you were the biggest evil that happened to me.
Instead of fighting for me you fought with me. You fought me and you kept beating me down.
I did not want this. I didn’t sign up for any of it.
In falling for you, I fell out of love with myself.
I wanted you and I wanted all those things for us. My wishes backfired horribly. I burnt myself on those wishes because out of all the things I wanted, you were the one I should never have wished for.
But I couldn’t’ve known things would end up like this.
Under your constant ‘bringing downs’, I forgot who I was.
I forgot all my values and I forgot I was once worthy. I started believing I was nothing and I settled down. I thought you knew me best and if you said I was nothing, I must’ve been nothing.
There isn’t a thing in this world you haven’t used to bring me down. You were never choosy when it came to tools you’d use to make me feel bad about myself. The more it hurt me, the better it was, right?
You kept doing mean things to me and you kept making me feel like I’m crazy for even thinking you’d do bad things to me.
You were just trying to help me, wasn’t that what you always said? Well, as if! You weren’t helping me, you were tearing me apart until I finally fell out of love with myself. Until I finally saw myself with your eyes. Until you convinced me I wasn’t worthy of being loved.
No girl should ever feel unworthy of love. She should never feel like she isn’t good enough.
You didn’t only see me as someone who isn’t good enough, you made me feel like I am not good enough. This feeling stayed carved deep in my bones for a long time.
You made me feel like I’m not good enough and I let you. I wanted to love you, but you weren’t capable of loving me.
I wanted to be your friend, but you were one of those guys who only knew how to backstab their friends. And although I loved, this love was wrong. And you were a wrong guy. You have no idea how wrong you were.
I should’ve been able to lean on you, but in leaning on you, I crashed down and hit the ground so hard. You made me not want to wish anyone of anything anymore for as long as I am alive.
I regret ever having you in my life. Yes, you were a lesson and I’ll know better next time, if I ever decide to try and love again, but you were that one lesson in life I wished I could have skipped somehow. Unfortunately, now it’s too late to do anything about it.
I just wanted you to know that no matter how much time passes, regardless of me having someone new in my life, irrelevant if you regret doing all this to me or not, I don’t and I will never forgive you for making me feel like I’m not good enough.
I will never forgive you for making me hate my wishes.
I will never forgive you for not fighting for me.
I will never forgive you for not loving me or for using my love.
I will never forgive you for making me doubt myself and forget my values.
I don’t forgive you for bringing me down.
I don’t forgive you, and I will never be able to forgive you, for making me feel like I’m not good enough.
Nevertheless, I don’t want anyone to do to you what you did to me because I don’t think you’d be capable of enduring the pain you’ve put me through.
You would not survive the broken soul and broken heart. You’re not as strong as I am. And you will never be. This is my only consolation.