When you left me, I thought of it as the end of the world. I thought my life had come to an end and that there was nothing for me to live for anymore. I gave you my everything and while I was with you, I ceased to exist as anything else but your girlfriend.
And when you left, I just didn’t know what to do with myself anymore. I felt like my existence had no meaning and no purpose. You were the only person who brought me happiness and who was able to put a smile on my face. And it was all gone.
I vaguely remember the next few months. I spent all of that time crying for you and waiting for you to come back. I felt like I would trade everything in this world just to hear your voice and to see your face once again. Pathetic, I know. But that was exactly how I felt. I couldn’t get myself into doing anything productive and all I did was think of you. I cried from the moment I’d wake up to the moment I’d fall asleep. And even when I would manage to fall asleep, I would still dream about you. This pain you left behind consumed my entire being and I didn’t see any signs of a bright future ahead of me. I just assumed I’d suffer for you as long as I breathed.
And then, one day, it just didn’t hurt that much. I was still thinking of you but I didn’t have the feeling I would die without you by my side. And from that moment, I knew I would survive. I knew it would take me time but I was certain that it would happen sooner or later.
After some time, I came to the conclusion that you leaving me wasn’t so bad after all. You were just a tough lesson I had to learn. I saw that I was foolish for thinking that my life had come to its end just because you weren’t in it.
I realized that my love for you was not the only thing that made me the woman I am. I realized I would move on from you sooner or later and I was determined to do so.
I was still the woman I was before I met you. You came very close to breaking me and you did damage me emotionally but you didn’t destroy me completely.
In the beginning, I was terrified that I would never love someone the way I loved you. I was scared that I wouldn’t let anyone in after you. I was positive that everyone would hurt me the way you did.
But most of all, I was scared that this pain you’d put me through would damage me for life. I was certain that this experience would make me a bitter, negative person and that I would never recover from everything I’d survived after you left.
You were my toughest lesson. You taught me what I don’t want from love and what love shouldn’t look like. You taught me that it’s OK to feel emotional pain and that I need to give myself time to heal, before anything else. You taught me not to allow myself to be defined by someone else’s presence or the lack of it. You taught me not to allow anyone to give meaning to my life.
But most of all, you made me realize that I need to learn to love myself, even though you stopped loving me. You made me understand that I am my own best friend and I am the only person I can rely on.
Yes, you’ve made it way harder for me to believe in true love. But that doesn’t mean I’ve lost faith in it completely.
Yes, you played with my confidence but you didn’t manage to make me an insecure person.
Yes, you’ve changed some things about me but I still stayed essentially the same.
Yes, I was angry but I didn’t become bitter and I hold no resentment.
Yes, you’ve hurt me in more than one way but I know I will heal and recover.
Yes, you’ve made me vulnerable but you didn’t take my strength away from me.
Yes, you broke my heart but you didn’t break me.
And that is my biggest success.
A teacher. A dreamer. A writer. A woman who’s been through all of the things you are going through. A woman who’s learned on her mistakes and whose advice you can trust. A woman who is trying to find her place under the stars. A woman just like you.