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I Used To Lose Myself Whenever I Fell In Love Until I Learned These 9 Lessons

I Used To Lose Myself Whenever I Fell In Love Until I Learned These 9 Lessons

Do you have fragile self-esteem that makes you lose your own identity when you’re in a relationship?

Are you one of those people who go completely blind when they fall in love?

Well, my friend, welcome to the club. I was like that, too. Every time I would fall in love, I would completely forget about my own feelings and needs, and my partner became literally everything to me.

I would start idealizing that person and allow them to have full control over my life. It seemed like the only thing that mattered was just to have that person in my life… I really didn’t care about anything else.

But, in the end, I was always the one who had been hurt and betrayed. In the end, that person would leave me like all the other ones before.

I understood that this had to be changed and that I had to change. Here are some lessons I learned that made me promise myself that I would never again allow anyone to control my life.

Setting strong boundaries is a MUST.

pensive beautiful woman daydreaming and looking out of the window

Ooh, this is a part that allowed me to get my heart broken so many times. I failed to set boundaries in all of my previous relationships.

Now, I have learned that there must be some non-negotiable parts in every relationship. There are some things I would never tolerate from any man ever again, and I will hold on to that no matter what.

It’s so wrong to look for someone who’ll make us feel complete.

pensive country girl thinking deeply alone sitting and looking far away

I always felt like there was something missing in my life. My mistake was thinking about how another person could fill that void in my life.

Unfortunately, that was also a consequence of my fragile self-esteem. Now, I’m trying to fill those voids by chasing and fulfilling my dreams.

And, when it comes to me, I know I’m a whole person on my own. I don’t need someone to complete me, I just need someone who’ll stand by my side no matter what and walk through this journey we call life hand in hand with me.

It’s okay to continue following my dreams even if they don’t match my partner’s dreams.

pensive beautiful lady looking up in a close up look

Most people say that we have to find a person with the same visions, dreams and goals as ours in order to make a relationship work.

I say it’s major BS. The important thing is that you believe and support each other in everything you do, even if you aren’t completely okay with your partner’s choice sometimes.

Compromising is okay, changing yourself completely for someone else will never be okay.

woman looking at herself in the side mirror of her car while driving

I know that every healthy relationship is based on compromises and sacrifices for our loved ones, and I was always perfectly okay with compromising. Sometimes, I was even too much okay with it.

I would accept everything my ex-partners asked me to. I basically changed myself over and over just because they asked me to.

However, now, I have learned that there are some things that you should never compromise when you’re in a relationship, and changing who you are is definitely the first one.

PARTNERSHIP is a much better word for a relationship.

studio shot of a young couple in jeans standing back to back and smiling

I think that partnership is a much better word for a romantic relationship because all relationships should be based on equality.

Some women say ‘let the men be the men in a relationship’, and unfortunately, I was led by that sentence for too long. Now, I say that we should let go of that dominant-submissive role in relationships and let’s just enjoy equality.

The relationship I have with myself must always come first.

woman on the phone window shopping at the mall/boutique

My partner will always be at the top of my priority list because I find it the right thing to do, but the place at the very top of that list will always be reserved for one person only – myself.

I will never again allow anyone else to become more important than myself. Now, I know how wrong that was and I know how much it made me suffer.

I also learned that the relationship I have with myself will set a tone for all the other ones in my life. That’s why I now know the true importance of a self-relationship and why it’s so important to nurture it.

Ignoring problems will never make them disappear.

portrait of a hispanic woman pensive in an outdoor cafe

I was never good at confronting my partner about things that were bothering me. I kept all those things bottled up hoping they’ll never come out on the surface.

But, they did. They didn’t just come out, they exploded every time. Now, I have learned how to cope with those issues and discuss them with another person in a healthy way.

A healthy relationship is balancing togetherness and individuality.

pensive woman drinking from a mug chilling in the sofa inside living room

I always thought that a couple should do all things together, have the same life perspectives, and agree on everything.

However, I realized that I was wrong because maintaining our individuality in relationships is what makes us interested in our partners.

To have a healthy and successful relationship, one of the most important things is to preserve and respect each other’s individualities in that relationship.

There is a life outside the relationship.

woman with friends enjoying drinking and chatting

Unfortunately, I was always making my relationship the centre of my world and neglecting all other people who were close to me.

I know that was unfair to all those people, but I have already said that love has always blinded me in a way.

I promised myself that I would never again neglect them. My family and friends have a very special place in my life and it will stay that way forever.

Trust me, there is a way to be in love and be in a good and healthy relationship without having to pour yourself completely into that relationship.

There is a way to be happy and loved by another person without having to give your all to that person.

You deserve to be loved, but not at all costs. You deserve to feel a healthy, unconditional and forever kind of love that will always let you be yourself.

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