Do you really love someone or you’re just in love with them? What is the difference between ‘love’ and ‘in love’?
Like many of you out there, too late did I realize that being in love with someone is not the same as loving them.
It took me a few years, a few breakups, and having my heart broken repeatedly to realize the harsh truth of this neglected fact that there are actually significant differences between these two concepts.
Loving someone doesn’t mean the person must be ours. Loving someone means if the person you love is happy, you will be happy too. Yup.
This is the biggest, ultimate difference between the two and, sadly, most of the times we simply forget to see the bigger picture of our relationship or romance.
Being in love with someone is more of being in love with the feeling of being in love.
Such relationships can be based on infatuation, possessiveness, and let’s say obsession.
You can’t live without each other, you feel lonely when they are not around, and you’re the happiest in their arms.
You feel like they are your drug and you need them.
On the contrary to being in love, loving someone means giving without condition and it goes beyond the physical presence.
Loving someone is linked with our selfless giving and ultimate love for another person which, if reciprocated, is almost impossible to vanish.
It is an everlasting bond and bliss in your heart that require mutual effort.
Now, if you’re still wondering whether you truly love someone or you’re in love with them, keep reading the following 10 key differences that will open your eyes and help you understand it better!
10 KEY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LOVING SOMEONE AND BEING IN LOVE
1. You can’t choose to be in love with someone, but you can choose to love someone
Falling in love happens rapidly and unintentionally.
You become kind of addicted to that someone and all of a sudden you can’t imagine your life without them.
You become hooked on how they make you feel when you’re with them and not how you are making them feel.
But, loving someone is all about the decision to give all of yourself to them and become “addicted” to that feeling of making someone utterly happy.
Loving someone is about reciprocity and choosing to do anything to make them feel loved and appreciated.
It’s about choosing to stay faithful to them and earning their trust.
2. Being in love is about convenience, whereas loving someone is about putting them first
Being in love is about being there because you need them to make you feel the way they make you feel.
You need them to feel fulfilled and happy because you feel like you can no longer function properly without them.
Being in love often means not being prepared to persist in saving your relationship when it is required.
Loving someone is all about prioritizing them and putting them first no matter what.
It’s about fighting for them and being there for them always, not only when it’s convenient.
Loving someone is about making a constant effort to overcome all the problems that may arise in a relationship and not losing hope at the first obstacle.
3. Being in love is a rush, but loving someone is steady
The concept of being in love is closely linked with the constant urge of wanting more and more of your partner and your relationship.
It feels like an in-limbo rush where you can never find your inner peace or way out.
You’re in a constant rush toward perfection, the feeling of infatuation, and the ideal relationship.
On the contrary, loving someone is steady.
You don’t only want more of a relationship, but you are also inclined to roll up your sleeves and start working on it.
You are willing to work hard to make things succeed, but you are also aware of the fact that nothing is perfect.
You accept your partner for who they are and you love their flaws. Your love is steady, balanced, and blessed.
4. Being in love is about needing someone, whereas loving someone is all about wanting someone
Being in love means loving someone because you need them, whereas loving someone means loving them because you want them.
You see, being in love is about needing someone, needing their presence, their love and affection – it makes you feel good and spending time with them is simply the best feeling in the world.
But, loving someone is all about wanting them more than you want yourself.
I know it sounds confusing, but I’ll try to explain it better.
Loving someone means loving the feeling of making them happy and wanting to continue doing it because it, in turn, makes you happy, too.
To truly love someone has nothing to do with receiving. It is much more than that. It’s about selfless, unconditional giving.
5. Being in love is about ownership, whereas loving someone is about partnership
When you’re in love, you become possessive and you would do anything to keep them in your life, no matter if they themselves are not happy with you.
It’s all about ownership, which causes the feeling of “fake concern,”’ meaning that you’re more worried about them leaving you than you’re worried about them being happy without you.
Loving someone is all about partnership. It’s about two souls who choose to commit to each other and praise their relationship.
It’s never about possession or any other way of control because you don’t have the need for it.
You are ready to do anything for them to make them happy, even if it means leaving them.
6. Being in love is about how they make you feel, loving someone is about how you make them feel
Being in love is about how you perceive yourself when you’re with them. It is about how they make you feel when you’re spending time with them.
It is also about how you are feeling when they stop giving you what you need.
Mostly, when they stop giving you attention, and you stop feeling the way you feel, you lose it.
But, loving someone is more about how you make them feel.
It’s about helping them fulfill their dreams, making them laugh, lifting them up when they are sad.
It’s about feeling constant bliss because of selfless giving and not only receiving.
7. Being in love is a constant battle, but loving someone is effortless
Being in love is a constant battle and a roller coaster where you fight to understand yourself and your partner.
You fight to win their attention only because you want them to keep loving you.
It is a constant battle of who is wrong and who is right, and prioritizing your own happiness.
On the other hand, loving someone is quite effortless.
Even though you’re making giant efforts to make things function, it is still effortless to you, since you are doing it because you genuinely want to love them and not only for them to keep loving you.
Loving someone is always effortless because it comes naturally to you.
8. When you’re in love with someone, you can fall out of love with that someone, whereas loving someone is forever
I know, the first thing that probably popped in your mind is: how is it even possible to fall out of love with someone when you’re in love with someone?
But, this one actually sounds self-explanatory.
When you’re in love with someone you can fall out of love with someone because you didn’t choose to love them in the first place.
Your mind has fallen in love with them and your mind has decided to romanticize your partner and the relationship you’re in.
And when your mind decides that it is no longer entertained or when things get rough, that is when you fall out of love.
Loving someone is the real opposite. Loving someone is forever.
When you love someone, they become a part of you, wherever you go, and whatever you do. You simply can’t stop loving them.
They might leave, but they will never leave your heart or your mind. Your love for them lives forever.
9. Loving someone is all about mutual trust and commitment, while being in love doesn’t have to be
Loving someone is based on mutual trust, commitment, and deep connection that you share with each other.
It’s never about trying hard not to screw things up; it is about trying hard to keep giving and making them happy.
Being in love doesn’t have to be based on mutual trust and commitment.
You’re in love because your mind has decided so and you have no real influence over it.
But, in order to truly love someone, your relationship has to be built on trust and mutual reciprocity.
10. When you love someone, you never second-guess your decision to give all of yourself to them
Being in love is often linked with regrets, wasted time, and the like.
It is often connected with too many what-ifs and second-guessing of your decisions.
When things start falling apart and not meeting your expectations, you regret being in love with them.
But, when you truly love someone, you never second-guess your decision to give all of yourself to them, no matter what.
You did all of it because you wanted to do it and it seemed right to do it; that is why you never regret any of it.
Loving someone means loving selflessly with all of your heart, body, and soul and never regretting it, even if everything around you is falling apart.