I never asked you to come into my life. You wanted to be a part of it.
You signed up for everything on your own. You wanted to share your life with me and you wanted me to let you in mine.
You were so convincing because in some moments I saw you looking at me like I was everything you’d been looking for.
You used all your ‘resources’ to make me fall for you.
You were nice and caring and, on top of everything, charming. You were funny and you tried so hard to make me notice you that I just thought it would be a good idea to give you a shot even though you looked as if you were too good to be true.
Although I had left a few failed relationships behind, I convinced myself that you deserved a chance for your efforts at least.
You deserved my time and you deserved my attention. You worked so hard for it. Something wasn’t right from the start, I could sense it from the very beginning, but I told myself it was just my fear that the past might repeat itself.
…and …I decided to give us a shot. I decided to believe your words and give my trust to you.
Little by little I noticed I was falling for you. Actually, it wasn’t just little by little, it was falling all at once.
Unfortunately, I landed flat on my face.
While my butterflies were waking up, you were poisoning yours and making them disappear.
I guess I wasn’t what you expected me to be; you thought I’d be a sucker for your manipulative games or be like all the others naive girls you dated. But I wasn’t. Because I despise games.
I despise playing with other people’s feelings because I was played with, too.
And it destroyed me. It hurt me to the point when I couldn’t take any more of it. With you, I played all my cards out in the open. I played fair.
I showed you everything I had so you’d know what you were getting yourself into.
I wish you had done the same for me. I wish if you could just have been honest. I loved you the way I hoped to be loved one day.
I wanted to believe you were the one and that if I was honest, you’d be honest too. So I held nothing back.
I never hurt you, I was there for you when nobody else was, I was there when you needed me and even when you had no idea you needed me too.
I valued you and appreciated you for who you were. I didn’t want to change you, I just wanted you to do the same for me as I was doing for you.
I always listened to you. I tried to tend to your needs and I tried to make you happy, you know. I wanted us to work out and that’s the main reason why I fought so hard for your love.
What an idiot I was, how foolish I was, fighting for the love of a man who never planned on loving me even to begin with.
All those things I did, I didn’t do them so you’d thank me, I didn’t do those things so you’d feel like you owed me, I did them because I felt like it. I did them because I thought you deserved them.
I did them because it was the right thing to do and I wanted to love you right.
But you didn’t bother trying half as much as I did. It looked like you needed me just to fall for you and then your job was done.
Then you’d have someone to love you, to take care of you and your needs, someone to be there for you without feeling like you had to reciprocate their efforts at all.
After a while, after being touched by your hands and then being denied, after giving all myself to you and not getting anything in return, after running toward you just to see you were not looking forward to having me in your arms, I noticed a stranger looking at me in the mirror.
It felt like I was a victim and not a warrior anymore, as if all the life had been sucked out of me.
Out all the relationships I’ve been through, the one with you was the most heartbreaking, you know?
You made me feel like I was a waste of your time, like all my efforts were worth nothing and you still expected me to be doing everything I did for you, like I owed you all those things.
The truth is, I owed you nothing. I should’ve stopped trying the same time you did. You didn’t deserve even an ounce of what I gave you.
Treating you the way I did was a mistake. Putting you on a pedestal was a mistake.
You took the wrong woman for granted.
If you thought I’d still be there for you even after the way you made me feel, even after you showed me you couldn’t care less about me, you’ve got me all wrong.
I still have a list of priorities and I moved my name on the top of it!
At the end of the day, I know I did my best. I know I’ve tried and you didn’t.
There is nothing else to do than to show you how it feels to be without all those things I did for you. Perhaps you will learn to appreciate me once you don’t have me in your life anymore. Perhaps you will be missing all those things I did for you that you barely noticed when I was next to you.
It doesn’t really matter, it is already too late.
I’ll learn from my mistakes and I’ll do my best to not repeat the same mistakes I made with you. The minute I see someone is taking me for granted, I’m walking away.
