You left me with only one sentence that is still etched deep in my mind: “You are so hard to love.” Really, after everything that happened, you had the guts to tell me that I’m the unlovable one?
I gave too much and never asked for or got anything in return. That’s why it was a hell of a thing for you to make me feel like I’m the unlovable one. But I have to admit… You almost succeeded in convincing me.
Almost. Such an important word for me. You almost made me feel like I’m too hard to love. You almost broke my faith in true love.
You almost made me doubt my worth. You almost managed to do all of that, but in the end, you failed because I was much stronger than you thought.
I know I never asked for much. I was never interested in material things or precious gifts. I never asked you to spend time with me 24/7. I wasn’t too needy, and I never tried to change you.
I accepted you just the way you are. I accepted all of you, all your good sides, as much as the bad ones. I embraced all your flaws. Unfortunately, I fell entirely in love with you and all of your imperfections.
No, I’m not trying to make myself out as a saint. I have flaws, and I also made mistakes. However, I was willing, and I was trying hard to change and be a better person for you… For us.
I just wanted you to love me the same way I loved you
I just wanted the kind of love I always dreamed of. You know, the breathtaking, unconditional, beautiful, once-in-a-lifetime type of love.
And no, don’t tell me that I asked for too much because I loved you that way. The only problem is that I wanted it from the wrong person. I was looking for the right love with the wrong person.
Nothing I ever did was enough for you
I tried and tried so hard to prove to you that I honestly loved you. I thought that it was my fault somehow that you were so cold and distant towards me.
You never appreciated me, neither as a person nor as a girlfriend. You were aware that as much as you ignored my efforts, I’d continue to try to be a better girlfriend to you.
My mistake was idealizing you
In my eyes, you were a perfect man. I would say that’s my biggest mistake. Thinking of you as a perfect guy and putting you on a pedestal when you were so far from being perfect.
My other mistake was letting you inside my heart and, even worse, in my head. I allowed you to make me doubt myself, to decrease my value, and make me feel like I’m not worthy of being loved.
In the end, I feel like I should thank you after all
Yes, you did leave me with many insecurities. I was convinced that I was unworthy of love. You said that love isn’t meant for everyone, and I was trying to come to terms with that.
I thought that God had forgotten me when it comes to love…
But, you know what? All those insecurities made me the woman I am today: a confident, brave, independent, and strong woman.
I’m a woman who knows what she wants from life and who won’t allow anyone to take the wheel of her life because only she should steer it.
Also, I feel sorry for you
You tried to make me feel that I was the one who is hard to love when actually, you’re the one who is impossible to love.
You locked away your heart, and you built a huge wall, a fortress around it so no one would ever be able to come near it.
Maybe, you did it out of fear because you don’t want anyone to hurt you and break your heart.
But, I think that the real reason you did it is that you’re weak.
You’re a coward who cannot confront his own feelings and thinks that it’s better to run away from things than to accept the risk those things bring with them.
That’s why I can’t be angry at you or hate you anymore. I honestly feel sorry for you, a weak man who’ll forever be alone, sad, and lonely.
I’m still alone, but I’ll never be lonely. You see, you didn’t manage to convince me I’m unlovable after all.
There are so many people in my life who love me for who I am, who love all my imperfections and my flaws, and who love me for all the right reasons.
That’s why even though I’m alone, I’ll never be lonely.
Today I’m the happiest woman alive because I finally got closure with this letter and realized something very important: I’m worthy of the purest and most beautiful kind of love and belonging.