Tonight, I’m finally done. This is it! There is no turning back, there is no regret. Tonight you broke my spirit and you brought me to an emotional death. Tonight, I gave up for the first time in my life.
There is no more waiting for things to get better. There is no more praying to God to open your eyes or get me out of the mess I was stuck in. It’s over. I can finally stop crying and screaming with this agony that has grown bigger and bigger with every passing day. I can finally move on and leave you buried deep behind in my past.
From tonight on, I won’t have to be afraid of you anymore. I won’t have to dance to the music you play. I won’t have to be careful not to say something that will trigger you and you’ll go crazy. From tonight on, I’m free. I’m bringing back my old self. I’m breaking free from your abusive chains.
It’s strange how you can love someone who treats you like shit. It’s painful how much energy and patience you have for someone who was never worthy of you. Someone who used you and broke you to the point of unrecognition. It’s fucking ridiculous how many chances you give him and he never changes. He becomes even worse. Well, tonight, my ‘love’, that finally ends!
Not only did you manipulate me but I manipulated myself even worse. I made myself believe that all of this would end. I made myself believe that one day everything would return to normal, like it used to be.
I lied to myself and I kept on loving you like you were the only man in this world.
But time worked in my favor. Time was my biggest ally. Now I know I had to cry, I had to be on the verge of falling apart, I had to go through all of that to realize that tonight, this is all finally over. In my agony, I forced myself to believe in dreams that would never come true. I tricked myself and kept the faith that this waiting game we were playing would end in both of our favors, that it would end happily. But now that it’s all over, I see it ended happily but only for me, because after some time, you’ll regret losing me. One day you’ll face the worst decision of your life—to treat me like shit because we could have had it all.
I will never cry over this, what happened tonight. I will never show any sign of weakness because I’m not weak anymore. I was when I was with you because you forced me to be something I’m not. I don’t regret the decision I made tonight because I’m turning to the future, the kind of future I always wanted to have and you couldn’t give me. Tonight I’m getting rid of the past I never wanted, tonight I’m living in a present in which I call all the shots.
And the first one will be to get rid of everything that reminds me of you. I’m going to erase you from my life like you never existed. Yes, I’m that brave and actually, I want to thank you because you reminded me how strong I am. You reminded me of something I’ve forgotten and misplaced. You showed me that no one has the right to control me. Thank you for making me a better person. Even if it is through pain and suffering, even if it has cost me so many things, thank you for making me realize that.
So, while you wander around the streets thinking that you are a winner and how you don’t need me, you know what I will be doing tonight?
Resting.
I’m going to let my heart have a long-overdue break. I will lie down and for the first time in a long time, I’m going to be myself.
And you? Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.
