I was always excited about marriage, even when I was a kid. And who wouldn’t be excited when all the movies I’ve watched, and books I’ve read presented marriage as this perfect union of two people?
But then I got married and things weren’t exactly perfect. I was disappointed thinking maybe we weren’t meant for each other since we sometimes had problems and arguments.
So as any couple who doesn’t want to divorce does, we went to a counselor. Oh, he really slapped us in the face with a reality check.
“Wait, you think what media and those couples on IG show is real?”, the counselor asked us.
“Well, they said they never argue, and they also seem pretty much perfect,” we said.
“Do you go around telling people about negative things in your marriage? I don’t think so. You can’t trust these unrealistic expectations! No one’s marriage is perfect, and there’s nothing wrong with that,” he responded, leaving us shocked.
After this reality check, he shared things we can all do to make our marriage thrive while not worrying about being perfect since that’s not possible anyway.
You need to embrace your differences
Every person is unique and even two identical twins aren’t 100% the same. So considering the differences we have, it’s impossible to agree on every little thing. Couples in movies made it seem so easy but my partner and I soon realized that our marriage isn’t scripted.
Our counselor’s advice was like a wake-up call: “If you want to make it work you need to celebrate your differences, not hide them.” Then it finally dawned on us.
Learning to celebrate things that make us unique wasn’t just about accepting the differences we have, it was about changing our whole mindset and learning that they actually make us stronger.
If you and your spouse have different cultural or religious backgrounds and different personalities, that doesn’t mean you’re not compatible. You simply need to find a way to compromise when you have opposing opinions but also open up yourself to learning more about each other.
It all comes down to open communication
At the beginning of our marriage, we used to have a lot of unnecessary conflicts over stupid misunderstandings. If we only knew how to communicate effectively with one another we would’ve avoided a lot of fights.
The most important thing here is to leave your ego and pride aside. Only then you can communicate in the right way and see things clearly.
As soon as we changed that, our heated arguments turned into calm discussions where we were open to understanding each other’s perspectives. We realized that a perfect marriage doesn’t exist in real life.
However, you can for sure strive to have one by trying to resolve disagreements peacefully instead of making an elephant out of a fly. Also, bottling up your emotions won’t lead you anywhere good, so remember to always speak your mind.
The key is in support and empathy
Once you learn how to communicate and actively listen to your spouse, you’ll see there’ll suddenly be more understanding and empathy in your marriage.
You can’t be supportive of one another if you don’t even try to understand their point of view and their feelings. Being supportive isn’t only important when they’re winning in life. It’s actually more important when things go south.
Whether it’s work issues, family drama, or any life crisis, you need to stand by each other’s side. When there’s a problem you might want to offer them a solution and think you’re done but sometimes your partner just wants you to be present emotionally.
This will certainly strengthen your bond and make your marriage more resilient. Once you realize that the myth of the perfect marriage is false, you’ll feel liberated. There’s no point in trying to meet an unrealistic standard that no one is close to.
Sweeping problems under the carpet won’t make others think your marriage is perfect. It will only create more opportunities for issues even your counselor might not be able to resolve.
Stop comparing your relationship to what you see around and remember that a marriage is not meant to be flawless. It’s supposed to be constantly evolving and changing and there’s nothing wrong with that!