Have you experienced any heartbreaking or bad experiences in the past? Do you feel like your trust issues are ruining your relationships? Do you think you can trust your current partner?
As a person who has been dealing with trust issues for years, I can say for sure that this is one of the most frustrating things in the world. The most annoying thing of all is overthinking.
Just seeing my loved one talking to another member of the opposite sex is enough to put me on alert and force me to question my partner’s loyalty.
Trust issues are significant baggage in a relationship, and anyone who’s experienced it can confirm that.
Another annoying thing is the inability to connect with others because there will always be that little voice in your head, reminding you that maybe you shouldn’t trust that person after all.
Maybe they are just pretending to be nice and waiting for the most convenient time to hurt you and show their true colors. Perhaps they are a player, a narcissist, or another kind of toxic person.
But maybe this is all in your head. Hmm…
How do we create our trust-picture?
First, allow me to define trust. Basically, trust is that feeling of confidence you have in another human being, and that feeling comes from your belief or opinion of that person.
Let me demonstrate this to you.
When you think of your parents or your best friend, do you have this picture of them in your head?
Do you get this warm feeling of trust and appreciation for their existence when you think about them? Can you vividly picture what they’re doing at the moment or even thinking about without asking them about it?
Well, that picture in your head is your trust-picture.
Half of our time we spend imagining what other people are thinking and doing, and as we’re doing it, we’re subconsciously creating a trust-picture of these people in our heads.
The more time we spend with them, the more we trust them because this helps us create a pattern of their personality in our heads.
Your trust-picture can be a double-edged sword!
Have you ever yelled at someone or started arguing with them about something only to realize that you were imagining things?
Have you ever suspected that someone was doing something behind your back, and it turned out that you were right?
Your assumptions can make your trust-picture appear positive or negative. Sometimes, your assumptions will be false, but you will not know that until you face the truth.
Your assumptions might also be true, and once you confirm them, your trust picture of that specific person will become even stronger.
The most popular example of false assumptions is thinking your partner is doing something behind your back based on your heartbreaking experiences in the past.
This happens because of serious trust issues in a relationship or pistanthrophobia (a fear of trusting others).
Do you have trust issues or are you just being cautious?
There’s a thin line between having trust issues and just being Cautious.
If you’re not sure in which category you belong, think about whether you’ve been hurt before in the past because that’s the main reason why people develop trust issues later in life.
A good friend of mine has been cheated on in the past by a guy with whom she was in a long-term relationship.
They were about to get married when she learned that he had cheated on her with her best friend.
Today she’s in a relationship with another guy, and she can’t stop being controlling and overly worried about his every move.
She literally takes his cell phone and texts his female friends instead of him to be sure nothing will happen behind her back.
That’s really messed up and frustrating. The saddest part is that she’s still not aware that she’s not just being cautious but that she has deep-rooted trust issues.
If you’re facing these dilemmas yourself, here are some not-so-obvious signs you’re suppressing deep trust issues:
- You don’t let anyone new in your life
- You run away from relationships (as soon as things become serious)
- You become extremely clingy
- You overthink things
- You can’t help but always assume the worst.
There are many other signs indicating you’re suffering from the modern disease called ‘trust issues,’ and these are the most common ones.
If some of them (or all of them) resonate with you, then trust issues might be ruining your relationship without you even being aware of it.
Should you trust your partner?
Do you think you can trust your partner completely, or are you suspicious of their behavior? Have you noticed any sudden changes in your partner’s behavior?
Since trust issues force us to overthink and imagine things that are usually untrue, it is tough to know whether your assumptions are real or false. It’s hard to know if you can trust your partner.
But, all hope is not lost!
The easiest way to find out whether your partner is hiding something from you or if you’re just imagining things is by checking out the following signs you can’t trust him or her:
- Your partner doesn’t talk about their future plans with you
- They hide things from you
- They NEVER talk about their whereabouts
- They’ve betrayed your trust before
- They do suspicious things (talking on the phone at strange hours, hiding their phone, etc.)
- They never talk about their feelings
If some (or all of the above signs) ring true, then you have every right to be suspicious of your partner’s behavior.
As always, if you suspect that your partner might be unfaithful, lying to you, or guilty of some other toxic behavioral patterns, the best thing to do is to talk to them about it honestly.
Remember: “If you treat every situation as a life and death matter, you’ll die a lot of times.” – Dean Smith
Don’t jump to conclusions without real evidence. Don’t let your overthinking paralyze your ability to see reason.
If you see your partner’s every single move as a potential threat, you will always be in conflict with yourself.
They say that we are prisoners of our own minds. The part of your mind you feed is the one that will prevail.
You are the one who chooses what you will believe because it’s true and what you will avoid believing because it’s false.
Learning to differentiate between overthinking and reality is the key to shutting down those annoying trust issues.