Trust issues are a complicated matter and something that loads of people deal with. It’s a common relationship problem among many couples who don’t have the capacity to address it the right way.
If you find it impossible to trust people, you’ve come to the right place. If you read on, you’ll find out all the possible causes and symptoms of trust issues. Not only that: you’ll also get a detailed tutorial on how to deal with this problem in the healthiest way possible.
Why Do I Have Trust Issues?
Trust issues are connected to your previous life experience. They never appear without a reason, and they are always connected to your past traumas.
It’s possible that you’ve been neglected, mistreated, abused, or betrayed in the past. Consequently, you lose faith in the whole human race, and you have a hard time trusting anyone, including the people you have a close relationship with.
Here are the most common causes of trust issues.
1. Early childhood trauma
One of the first causes of trust issues comes from early childhood. At this age, your primary caregiver means the world to you.
They’re the most important person for a small child: someone you look up to and someone who sets a value system. It’s their job to provide you safety and comfort.
So, what happens when they fail in doing so? What happens when they’re the ones who put you in danger and show that they’re not trustworthy? What if you were emotionally neglected as a child?
You learn that those closest to you won’t fulfill your needs. If your caregivers abused you, didn’t give you enough love, safety, or comfort, what can you expect from the rest?
They were your window to the world, and they showed you that the world is a scary place. What other option did you have but to act accordingly?
2. Past relationship trauma
Your past relationships are the number one cause of your relationship trauma. It’s actually pretty simple:
If you experienced infidelity, you expect your next partner to be unfaithful, too. If you were abused, you expect abuse in your new relationship. The examples are endless, but I’m sure you get the point: your old pain is what scares you.
This is especially true if you’ve experienced some of this trauma in your first serious relationship. In that case, you don’t know better.
You think that this is normal, and it’s how all relationships look. You’re always on the lookout waiting for a disaster to happen. These are all signs of relationship PTSD.
Without being aware, you’ve adopted toxic relationship patterns as the only option. You might not be aware of it, but you’re dragging your emotional baggage along and it’s weighing you down.
3. Anxious attachment style
Well, if you’re struggling with trust issues, it’s likely that you have an anxious attachment style.
How is it connected to trust issues?
Isn’t that how we all feel? Well, yes, to a certain point. The problem with your style of attachment is that these fears and needs become irrational to the point where they control all of your meaningful relationships.
To put it simply, if you don’t get the amount of approval and security you wish for from a partner, your trust issues will explode. You’ll immediately feel unloved and emotionally neglected.
Consequently, you assume that they’re being unfaithful, that they’re about to leave you, or that they’ve had enough of you. And, you know what’s the worst part? Nothing they say or do can change your mind.
5 Signs Of Trust Issues
What are some trust issues? Is it jealousy or are there some other signs of trust issues you should be aware of? Here are the most common symptoms that people who fight with mistrust deal with on a daily basis.
1. Overthinking and over-worrying
When you suffer from a lack of trust, you overthink every little detail in your life. Not just that: but you also over-worry.
You’re simply incapable of relaxing, going with the flow, and seeing where life will take you. Instead, it’s like there is this tiny voice in the back of your head that makes you plan literally everything ahead.
You worry about the past, even though you can’t change it. You worry about the future, including the things you can’t really impact.
At the end of the day, you don’t spend any time living in the presence and enjoying the moment.
You analyze every word that people tell you. You dissect their every move, trying to find a hidden meaning.
You spend most of your time worrying and overthinking instead of actually living. Try to stop overthinking and you’ll see you’ll be better in no time.
2. Expecting the worst possible outcome
Do you know what’s the biggest problem about this overthinking of yours? It always brings you to the darkest scenario, no excuses.
Well, guess what… you’re not a born pessimist, you just need to learn how to build trust in others. Until that happens, you’ll keep expecting the worst possible outcome, no matter the situation.
Why do you do this? It’s actually your defense mechanism.
You assume that it will be easier for your heart to get broken if you saw it coming. If the negative things happen, you already expect them and partially even coped with them beforehand.
It won’t catch you off guard, and it will break you less. Nevertheless, if things turn out to be the best, you’ll be positively surprised.
It sounds like a win-win situation. Except it’s not!
It’s a sign of deeply rooted trust issues and something you have to work on ASAP.
Do you know what’s oversharing? It’s the habit of giving away your own secrets and generally talking too much about yourself.
Well, you’re doing the opposite – you undershare. You keep everything to yourself.
You don’t talk about your problems to your loved ones, let alone to strangers.
Newsflash: it might even be more dangerous than oversharing. You’re dealing with serious feelings of mistrust because you think you have to deal with all of your troubles by yourself.
You’re frequently sabotaging your own happiness. This especially happens in your intimate relationships when you decide not to get attached.
The moment you see that your romance is turning into a meaningful relationship, your trust issues activate. There comes a moment in your relationship when you’re expected to open up to your romantic partner and let them all the way in.
But, instead of doing that, you decide to run for your life. It’s better for you to leave them in time before you give them a chance to break your heart again, right?
Well, wrong! When you’re doing this, you’re not giving yourself the slightest chance of being happy.
I know you’re scared, but this way, you’ll never build a close relationship with anyone. And, I promise that you’ll be missing out on a lot.
5. Keeping people at a distance
You keep everyone as far away as possible. I’m not talking about your new relationships here only.
You keep your family members, romantic partners, coworkers, close friends, literally everyone at a distance.
If you’re being honest, you don’t trust anyone in this world to the fullest… no one but yourself.
Look, it’s great that you’re being careful. There are bad people out there who really will take advantage of your kindness.
But, not everyone is like that, and you must have faith in their trustworthiness.
How Do You Fix Trust Issues? Overcoming trust issues in 8 efficient steps
I’m warning you: escaping your behavioral patterns is never easy. But, once you analyze the problem, find the cause, and accept that you have it, everything is much easier.
Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying: fixing your deeply rooted trust issues is possible. You just have to follow these steps on your healing journey.
1. Talk openly about it
First of all, let me tell you that your low level of trust is nothing to be ashamed of. A lot of people deal with trust issues – the irony is that they don’t trust anyone enough to talk about it.
Well, don’t be like them. The first step towards solving a problem is acknowledging you have one.
The first person you need to talk about your feelings of mistrust to is you. Once you do that, you’re ready to have this conversation with others who are close to you.
I’m not saying that you should reveal your personal details to everyone as soon as you meet them. But, for example, if you see that your romantic relationship is getting serious, please be honest with your partner.
Tell them that it’s not their fault, and that some of your relationship problems will be caused by your lack of trust. Ask them for patience and understanding, and make sure they know you’re working on your issues.
2. Work on improving your emotional and mental health
Having trust issues is not a mental illness, but it sure does have a great impact on both your emotional and mental health. It usually comes hand in hand with feelings of loneliness, jealousy, and low self-esteem.
Basically, what I’m trying to tell you is that these are also the things you should focus on during your healing process. You’ll have a hard time fixing your lack of trust if you don’t deal with your mental well-being in general.
3. Embrace the unknown
You never know what tomorrow will bring. I know that this fact freaks you out, but that’s life and you have to deal with it, whether you like it or not.
The process of rebuilding trust in others starts once you embrace this scary realization. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should act completely careless.
You still have a huge impact on your life, but some things are meant to be and you can’t do anything about it.
So, if you plan on keeping yourself sane, you’ll have to let go of control. I hate to break it to you, but bad things will happen, and there is no way for you to prevent them.
People will break your heart, your intimate relationships will fail, and friends will betray you. Having trust issues won’t protect you from that.
4. Accept some risks
That’s why you have to pick your battles. Not everyone is worthy of you giving them a chance to be in your life.
Nevertheless, lots of people are. Some are worthy of risking it all with them.
At the end of the day, you just have to accept some risks. You can’t always play it safe.
Well, technically you can, but if you do, I guarantee you one thing: you’ll miss out on a lot.
You can choose to live your life safe from emotions. You’ll manage to avoid some negative emotions. It’s likely that you’ll reduce your chance of feeling sad, angry, or betrayed.
But, at what cost? Trust me when I tell you that at the same time, you’ll also deprive yourself of happiness, love, intimacy, and connection with your loved ones.
5. Don’t be afraid to face your fears
You’re scared of giving your entire self to another person without holding anything back – I get it. You’re afraid to love.
The trick is to face those fears. If you want to chase them away successfully, you have to look them deeply in the eyes and show them that you’re in charge here.
I’ll be honest with you: ignoring your fears is much easier. But, self-awareness is one of the first steps towards healing.
The sooner you admit that you have a problem, the sooner you will resolve it in a healthy way.
6. Let go of the wrong past experiences and
A painful past is a common cause of trust issues. That’s exactly why you simply must let it go if you want to make any significant progress.
The past burdens you. The future scares you. And, what about the presence? Well, it’s slowly passing by you while you’re too busy dealing with these other two.
Don’t worry… history doesn’t always repeat itself. Just because you had a painful experience in the past doesn’t mean that all of your current relationships will end up the same way.
You can’t allow a traumatic event to dictate your entire life. Let go of the past!
You can’t change it, but the presence is in your hands only. And, the future will be much brighter if you fix your broken trust in time.
7. Allow yourself to try trusting others again
Remember: baby steps. You’re dealing with a serious issue here, and you can’t expect everything to fall in its place overnight.
This is a process that will take a lot of your time, energy, and effort.
You can’t make yourself trust everyone all of a sudden. But, what you can do is allow yourself to try trusting others – for a start.
Do your best to chase away the intrusive thoughts that come into your mind whenever you think about letting someone in. Train yourself to trust human kind.
Begin by trusting me that these steps will help you figure out how to get over trust issues.
8. Know when to seek help
If this is something you can’t deal with on your own – that’s perfectly fine. In fact, realizing that you need help in the process of rebuilding trust means that you’re on the right path.
Try asking your family members, friends, or romantic partner to give you a hand on this journey. But, if you see no progress or think that they couldn’t grasp what you’re dealing with, go see a mental health professional.
There are numerous efficient methods that your mental health professional might use to help you with your problem. CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is one of them.
This is great because it helps you get to the root of your problem. Do you have relationship trust issues due to your past painful experience?
Do you have an anxious attachment style? Is the relationship with your caregivers the main cause of your broken trust?
Your mental health professional will help you figure this out. Not only that: they will also lead you through your healing process.
What are people with trust issues called?
Pistanthrophobia is the fear of trusting people. It’s actually an anxiety disorder that makes you think that people close to you will hurt, abuse, or disappoint you in any way.
To be exact, pistanthrophobia is mostly connected to romantic relationships and to relationship anxiety. Simply put, people suffering from it live in constant fear that their partner will break their heart one way or another.
Trust Issues Quotes
1. “Instead of saying, “I’m damaged, I’m broken, I have trust issues,” say “I’m healing, I’m rediscovering myself, I’m starting over.” – Horacio Jones
2. “Breaking someone’s trust is like crumpling up a perfect piece of paper. You can smooth it over, but it’s never going to be the same again.” – Unknown
3. “Without trust, there can be no genuine peace. Neither in politics nor the quiet individuality of the heart and spirit.” – Timothy Zahn
4. “Trust is the easiest thing in the world to lose, and the hardest thing in the world to get back.” – R. M. Williams
5. “Trust is like a mirror… you can fix it if it’s broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother fucker’s reflection.” – Lady Gaga
6. “I got trust issues because people got lying issues.” – Unknown
7. “If we do not trust one another, we are already defeated.” – Alison Croggon
8. “No marriage can survive for long without trust.” – Anton Robbins
9. “Trust cannot be broken; only taken back from people not worthy of it.” – Jackie Viramontez
10. “The trust of the innocent is the liar’s most useful tool.” – Stephen King
11. “You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough.” – Frank Crane
12. “Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” – Stephen R. Covey
13. “Trust is like a piece of paper… once it’s crumpled it can’t be perfect again.” – Miranda Lee
14. “Three things you should never break: promises, trust, and someone’s heart.” – Unknown
15. “I wanted to explain that trusting is harder than being trusted.” – Simon Van Booy
16. “Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.” – Unknown
17. “It takes a lot of truth to gain trust, but just one lie to lose it all.” – Unknown
18. “To trust people is a luxury in which only the wealthy can indulge; the poor cannot afford it.” – E.M. Forster
19. “Trust and faith bring joy to life and help relationships grow to their maximum potential.” – Joyce Meyer
20. “Sometimes you don’t know who you can and cannot trust. I still learn that over and over again.” – Demi Lovato
To Wrap Up:
Bad news: overcoming trust issues is a piece of work. Good news: it can be done.
I know what you must be thinking now: there is no way this will work. But, hey, is it you or your trust issues talking?
I guarantee you it’s the latter.
So please, first of all, have trust in yourself that you can do this. Secondly, trust the process. Finally, trust me when I tell you that everything will turn out just fine.