Ghosting após o primeiro encontro: Porque é que acontece e como lidar com isso
Ser-se vítima de um ghosting é terrível. Ficamos com um monte de pontos de interrogação na cabeça e sem nenhuma resposta à vista.
But you know what’s even worse? Ghosting after first date!
Achou que o primeiro encontro tinha sido ótimo e estava ansioso por voltar a vê-los. E estava convencido de que eles sentiam o mesmo.
However, after sending them a couple of texts, all you got was silence. Was it really that bad? And why didn’t they tell you they didn’t like you?
Por que é que as pessoas se tornam fantasmas de outras pessoas? E qual é a melhor forma de lidar com o ghosting?
Continue a ler para descobrir!
Ghosting depois do primeiro encontro: 12 razões para isso acontecer
I wasn’t present on your date, so I can’t give you a clear answer to why you got ghosted. But what I can offer are 12 common reasons why ghosting happens.
1. São infiéis
The first possible reason why ghosting after first date happens is that you’re the outra mulher ou o outro homem. Claro que não faz ideia de que o seu par já é casado ou comprometido. Eles tentaram enganá-lo e disseram-lhe que eram solteiros e estavam prontos para se misturar.
However, the truth is that they tried to cheat on their primary partner with you. Of course, they didn’t want to be honest about their relationship status until they were sure you’d fallen for them.
Tentaram, mas falharam. Porque é que desapareceram?
Well, maybe they got caught and are dealing with this huge drama back at home. In that case, you’re the last thing on their mind.
Or they just realized you wouldn’t be the best affair partner in the world. They came to the conclusion that you wouldn’t provide them with the secrecy they need or just that you wouldn’t agree to be the third person.
2. They didn’t like your looks
This is a hard pill to swallow, but maybe they ghosted you because they didn’t like your appearance. This usually happens when you meet someone for the first time in person after a lot of online dating.
If you two matched on a dating app or just talked on social media— it is possible that they didn’t like what they saw when you two went out on a date.
Don’t get me wrong— I’m not saying that you don’t look similar on social media and in real life. But the truth is that we’re all more attractive on our dating app profiles.
No, this doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re unattractive. You’re just not their type, or they think that you two wouldn’t make it a good couple physically. Don’t take it personally, and don’t let something like this ruin your self-esteem.
3. They weren’t into your personality
Or maybe they simply didn’t like your personality? It doesn’t mean you displayed any bad behavior, and you might think that you two had a great first date.
However, the other person clearly doesn’t see you two as compatible. It certainly doesn’t mean that you don’t have some amazing traits and qualities.
E mesmo que fosse realmente um bom encontroalgo no seu carácter os desmotivou.
Yes, I know what you must be thinking. It would be hell easier if they could tell you what’s wrong, so you don’t repeat your mistakes.
But that’s exactly why people ghost— so they don’t have to explain themselves.
4. Intimida-os
Este é normalmente um dos principais razões que levam os homens a fantasiar as mulheres depois de um bom primeiro encontro: acobardam-se. Vocês conheceram-se e tudo estava a correr bem até ao dia seguinte, quando ele acordou e percebeu que você tinha mais sucesso do que ele.
Or maybe you are more attractive, make more money or just have a better place in the social hierarchy. Either way, this guy came to the conclusion that you’re out of his league. He is intimidado por ti!
He can’t handle it and being next to you is destroying his self-esteem. But naturally, he won’t tell you that you’re too much for him— or to put things this way, that he’s too little for you.
Instead, you’ll just get radio silence. No phone calls, no text messages, nothing.
Desta forma, ele tem a oportunidade de se sentir melhor consigo próprio e de restaurar o seu ego destruído.
5. Reataram com o(a) ex
Here’s another common reason for ghosting after first date: the other person is in a long-term relationship. Actually, let’s put things right: tecnicamente, eles estavam separados (ou a dar um tempo) quando vocês saíram para um encontro.
The person who ghosted you was single at the time of your date. But they were emotionally unavailable— that’s for sure.
Talvez estivessem à procura de formas de se vingarem do ex. Ou viram-na como a oportunidade perfeita para uma relação de ricochete.
Seja como for, o que interessa é que resultou. Eles voltaram a juntar-se com o ex e esqueceram que tu exististe.
Azar, eu sei. Mas, ei, que sorte que aconteceu logo!
6. Eles só queriam dar uma queca
So, you two met on Tinder, Hinge, or some other dating app. Or they approached you in person— it doesn’t really matter.
The point is the same: they had only one thing in mind— they planned on para te levar para a cama. Of course, they didn’t have the decency or the courage to propose casual sex upfront.
So, they probably sent you a bunch of romantic text messages and lied that they wanted something serious. Sadly, you didn’t notice the red flags, and you fell right into their trap.
But when you finally went out on a date, they noticed that you two clearly don’t want the same things. You’re not into anything casual, and you’re looking for real love.
Do ponto de vista deles, neste caso, o ghosting de alguém parece melhor do que dizer-lhes as suas verdadeiras intenções.
7. You’ve been catfished
When you think of catfishing, I know what comes to your mind. You think of a fake Tinder, Hinge, or social media account. We all know the drill: they take someone else’s photos and information and trick you into going out with them or just texting them.
But you two already had your first date. You’ve met this person who ghosted you, and they really do look the same as in their photos.
No entanto, podem estar a fazer "catfishing". Is it possible that they’ve given you false information about themselves?
Maybe you’ve gotten their real name, and that’s about it. They lied about their age, job, and everything else.
Now, they’ve realized that they’re playing with fire. They could get caught easily, and that’s why they chose to disappear.
8. They don’t want to hurt your feelings
Ghosting someone is awful, toxic, and disrespectful— nobody can question that. And even though I’m not here to defend your ghoster, let’s try looking at things from their perspective.
They didn’t do the right thing, and I’m not trying to argue against that. But that doesn’t automatically make them an insensible jerk.
Maybe they didn’t tell you the real reasons why they don’t like it because they didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I know that this is not the way to do it, but it’s the way they chose.
At the end of the day, it’s easier for you to be angry at them and to see them as an asshole who didn’t have the decency to send you a texto de volta than to hear them tell you they don’t like you.
Once again, no dating coach will tell you that their logic resonates with common sense. But it is what goes through a lot of people’s minds when they decide to ghost someone.
9. Conheceram outra pessoa
A lot of people engage in the act of ghosting after first date simply because they meet someone new before the second date with you. In this case, they won’t ghost you right away.
Instead, you’ll be getting phone calls and a text back every once in a while, like everything is in perfect order. But all of a sudden, you’ll notice they start making excuses when you ask them when you’ll meet up for the next date.
Isn’t it obvious that they’ve lost interest in the meantime? And the only reason that could happen is that someone who captured their attention entered their life.
Please, don’t compare yourself to this new person. Don’t go through their social media, looking for clues about someone new. It’s their choice, and you should respect it.
10. You’ve given them the ick
Sabes o que significa "ficar doente", certo? Acontece mesmo em relações duradouras, quando se ama o parceiro até à lua e vice-versa.
E, de repente, fazem algo que nos deixa completamente enojados. Não é lógico e, na maioria dos casos, não faz qualquer sentido. No entanto, essa única coisa que eles dizem ou fazem dá-lhe a a maior desilusão de sempree não há muito que se possa fazer.
Well, I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’re the one who’s given the other person the ick. You did something you’re not even aware of, and that killed all the attraction this person felt for you.
Why didn’t they say anything? Well, deep down, they know they’re being irrational.
I mean, you can’t say to someone you don’t want to see them anymore because of the way they ate their spaghetti. Well, technically, you can, but you’ll look like a lunatic. So, they choose radio silence instead.
11. They don’t care about your feelings
We’ve already talked about ghosters who ghost you because they don’t want to break your heart. Well, those are the good ones.
On the other hand, there are those who don’t give a damn about your emotions. And that’s one of the reasons for ghosting after first date.
They don’t care about the way their disappearance made you feel. They don’t care whether you’ll wonder what to do when you don’t get a text back, what went wrong; if you’ll blame yourself, and how this will affect your self-esteem, insecurities, or love life in the future.
They just see this as the easier way out of this uncomfortable situation they’ve gotten themselves into.
12. Eles têm muita coisa a acontecer
Finally, one of the reasons for someone ghosting after first date might not have anything to do with you or with your romantic connection at all. In fact, maybe you didn’t get ghosted in the first place.
Well, technically, they did disappear. So, let me rephrase this: maybe they didn’t have the intention of ghosting you in the first place.
It’s just that your date has a lot going on in their life. Maybe they’re going through a family emergency or having a work crisis. Maybe their loved one passed away, or they ended up in hospital.
I know what you must think right now: no matter what happened, there is no way they didn’t have enough time to send a text back. And you would be absolutely right— if you two were in a long-term relationship.
However, you have to remember one thing: you went out on one great first date only. So the last thing they want is to bother you with their personal issues. Besides, truth be told, I don’t think you’re even crossing their mind right now.
Ver também: Ele mandou uma mensagem depois do primeiro encontro, mas não mandou mais? Eis o que se passa
Ghosting depois do primeiro encontro: como lidar com isso
Eis um guia passo-a-passo pormenorizado sobre como lidar com o ghosting:
1. Don’t blame yourself
A pior coisa que pode fazer é culpar-se a si próprio pelo ato de "ghosting" após o primeiro encontro.
Fui suficientemente bom? Terei feito alguma coisa para os afastar?
Could I have done something to prevent this from happening? Should I have dressed differently? Was it my perfume that they didn’t like?
Era a forma como me ria? A forma como falei?
What if I didn’t send that text? Would things have turned out differently? Or maybe I should have texted them more?
These are all the questions going through your head when dealing with a ghoster. But guess what: it’s all pointless.
Eles têm as suas razões para agir assim e provavelmente não há nada que pudesse ter feito para o evitar. Além disso, o que está feito está feito. You can’t go back in time, can you now?
2. Accept that you won’t get closure
The truth is that you’ll never find the real reasons why you got ghosted. You can only guess and accept one of the reasons listed above, but you’ll never get real confirmation from the other person.
And whether you like it or not, you’ll never obter o fecho you’re craving. You’ll never find out what happened, and you just have to live with it.
Stop looking for closure. I know that you want it, but you ain’t getting it. and that’s the reality you must accept.
3. Don’t text or call them
So this should be common sense, but I’ll emphasize it anyway. Não é permitido, em circunstância alguma, contactar o seu par desta ou daquela forma.
This includes text messages, phone calls, social media DMs, and everything else. If you do any of this, you’ll only appear desperate. Yes, you feel desperate. I know that, but your date doesn’t have to.
Don’t get me wrong— I’m not saying that you’re not allowed to contact them right away. It’s okay if you send them one text a few days after your date.
Don’t accuse them of anything, and don’t think of begging them for a reply. Just act casual and careless.
Ask them if everything is okay and tell them that you were wondering what they’ve been up to. You can also mention a second date in this text.
However, if you don’t get a reply at that point, everything is clear. Any message after that would smell like desperation.
4. Cortar o contacto com essa pessoa
Nevertheless, not texting and calling your ghoster won’t be enough. It would be best if you could cut them off your life for good.
I know what you must be thinking right now. If you unfollow them on social media, they’ll get the impression that you’re offended.
Well, you are. And with full right to be! You don’t tolerate disrespect, and you’re not scared to make it very clear.
Por conseguinte, o passo seguinte é bloquear o número de telefone da pessoa, deixar de ser amigo dela em todas as aplicações das redes sociais e evitar qualquer contacto com ela.
Porque é que isto é necessário? Bem, a última coisa que quer é que essa pessoa tenha acesso a si no futuro.
Há que saber uma coisa: os fantasmas tentam sempre voltar!
Who knows? Maybe they’ll remember you the next time they are lonely, or they break up with their long-term partner. They’ll enviar-lhe uma mensagem de texto ou fazer um telefonema quando menos se espera.
Sabe como fazer com que se arrependam de o terem abandonado? Don’t give them a chance to reach out to you whenever they want. And don’t put yourself in the temptation to text them back.
Besides, they’re immature and disrespectful. And that is not the type of person you want near you.
5. Concentrar-se em si próprio
Em vez de pensar demasiado em toda esta situação, a melhor maneira de curar é concentrar-se em si próprio. O que aconteceu pertence ao passado, pelo que deve concentrar-se no presente e no futuro.
Don’t worry, this won’t become a pattern. It certainly doesn’t mean that you’ll get ghosted the next time you go out on a date with someone.
Mas podes ver isto como uma oportunidade de auto-progresso. Tornar-se um namorado/namorada material, e a melhor maneira de o fazer é ama-te a ti próprio mais do que nunca.
Quanto tempo é que isso demora a ser considerado um ghosting?
Antes de mais, é preciso ter a certeza de que o ato de ghosting após o primeiro encontro aconteceu. Quanto tempo passou desde a última vez que a pessoa entrou em contacto consigo?
It doesn’t count as ghosting if they didn’t return your phone call the very next day. Yes, it’s rude, and they’re probably playing hot and cold mind games. However, it is not ghosting.
Por outro lado, if you haven’t heard from them in more than three days— you’ve been ghosted. Isto na condição de ter tentado contactá-lo mas não ter obtido resposta.
Yes, you can give them the benefit of the doubt and wait a whole week, but at that point, the reality is that they’re a ghoster.
Devo enviar uma mensagem de texto depois de ter sido alvo de um ghosting?
Todos os treinadores de encontros dir-lhe-ão o mesmo: don’t text first after being ghosted. Their silent treatment is resposta suficiente.
You’ve sent a couple of texts after your date. You’ve even invited them to meet up again. And you got no reply.
I know you want to express your anger and pain. You want to insult them, call them names, or you’ve come up with a witty resposta de fantasma que os possa inspirar a enviar-lhe uma mensagem de volta.
But what would be the point of it? This person clearly doesn’t want to continue your romance (which hasn’t even started in the first place), and you should accept their decision with dignity.
What about the fact that they never had the dignity to tell you that in person? Well, that’s their problem.
Para terminar:
Now you know one crucial thing: ghosting after first date happens, but it’s not the end of the world— that is, unless you decide to see it that way.
Eu sei que vê isto como a pior experiência possível que já teve. Quero dizer, quem é que gosta de ser vítima de um fantasma?
But instead of seeing it as a curse, try seeing it as a blessing in disguise. You’ve managed to get rid of someone who was never worthy of your time, energy, or effort.
E tudo o que tiveste de desperdiçar foi um encontro. Como te sentirias se eles desapareceu da sua vida após anos passados juntos? Isso também acontece. E dói muito mais.
Most importantly, I advise you to see this as a lesson. Yes, there are some bad people out there. People who don’t give a damn about the hearts they break along the way.
People who don’t have the decency to say goodbye or to tell you the real reason why they’re leaving. But you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you get to your Prince or Princess.
Now you know what it is that you don’t want. Moreover, you know who you never want to become.
