Ghosting dopo il primo appuntamento: Perché succede e come gestirlo

Essere vittima di un fantasma è una sensazione terribile. Ci si ritrova con un mucchio di punti interrogativi sopra la testa e senza alcuna risposta in vista.

But you know what’s even worse? Ghosting after first date!

Pensavate che fosse stato un ottimo primo appuntamento e non vedevate l'ora di rivederli. Ed eravate convinti che anche loro la pensassero allo stesso modo.

However, after sending them a couple of texts, all you got was silence. Was it really that bad? And why didn’t they tell you they didn’t like you?

Perché le persone fanno il ghosting con altre persone? E qual è il modo migliore per gestire il ghosting?

Continuate a leggere per scoprirlo!

Ghosting dopo il primo appuntamento: 12 motivi per cui succede

I wasn’t present on your date, so I can’t give you a clear answer to why you got ghosted. But what I can offer are 12 common reasons why ghosting happens.

1. Sono infedeli

The first possible reason why ghosting after first date happens is that you’re the altra donna o l'altro uomo. Naturalmente, non avete idea che il vostro accompagnatore sia già sposato o impegnato. Hanno cercato di ingannarvi e vi hanno detto di essere single e pronti a mescolarsi.

However, the truth is that they tried to cheat on their primary partner with you. Of course, they didn’t want to be honest about their relationship status until they were sure you’d fallen for them.

Ci hanno provato, ma hanno fallito. Perché sono scomparsi?

Well, maybe they got caught and are dealing with this huge drama back at home. In that case, you’re the last thing on their mind.

Or they just realized you wouldn’t be the best affair partner in the world. They came to the conclusion that you wouldn’t provide them with the secrecy they need or just that you wouldn’t agree to be the third person.

2. They didn’t like your looks

This is a hard pill to swallow, but maybe they ghosted you because they didn’t like your appearance. This usually happens when you meet someone for the first time in person after a lot of online dating.

If you two matched on a dating app or just talked on social media— it is possible that they didn’t like what they saw when you two went out on a date.

Don’t get me wrong— I’m not saying that you don’t look similar on social media and in real life. But the truth is that we’re all more attractive on our dating app profiles.

No, this doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re unattractive. You’re just not their type, or they think that you two wouldn’t make it a good couple physically. Don’t take it personally, and don’t let something like this ruin your self-esteem.

3. They weren’t into your personality

Or maybe they simply didn’t like your personality? It doesn’t mean you displayed any bad behavior, and you might think that you two had a great first date.

However, the other person clearly doesn’t see you two as compatible. It certainly doesn’t mean that you don’t have some amazing traits and qualities.

E anche se fosse davvero un buon appuntamentoQualcosa del tuo personaggio li ha dissuasi.

Yes, I know what you must be thinking. It would be hell easier if they could tell you what’s wrong, so you don’t repeat your mistakes.

But that’s exactly why people ghost— so they don’t have to explain themselves.

4. Li intimidite

Questo è di solito uno dei principali motivi per i quali gli uomini fantasma le donne dopo un buon primo appuntamento: si tirano indietro. Vi siete incontrati e tutto andava a gonfie vele fino al giorno dopo, quando lui si è svegliato e si è reso conto che tu avevi più successo di lui.

Or maybe you are more attractive, make more money or just have a better place in the social hierarchy. Either way, this guy came to the conclusion that you’re out of his league. He is intimidito da te!

He can’t handle it and being next to you is destroying his self-esteem. But naturally, he won’t tell you that you’re too much for him— or to put things this way, that he’s too little for you.

Instead, you’ll just get radio silence. No phone calls, no text messages, nothing.

In questo modo, ha la possibilità di sentirsi meglio con se stesso e di ripristinare il suo ego distrutto.

5. Sono tornati con il loro ex

Here’s another common reason for ghosting after first date: the other person is in a long-term relationship. Actually, let’s put things right: tecnicamente si erano lasciati (o si stavano prendendo una pausa) quando siete usciti insieme.

The person who ghosted you was single at the time of your date. But they were emotionally unavailable— that’s for sure.

Forse stavano cercando un modo per vendicarsi del loro ex. Oppure vi hanno visto come un'occasione perfetta per una relazione di ripiego.

In ogni caso, il punto è che ha funzionato. Sono tornati insieme al loro ex e si sono dimenticati della vostra esistenza.

Che sfortuna, lo so. Ma ehi, siate fortunati che sia successo subito!

6. Volevano solo scopare

So, you two met on Tinder, Hinge, or some other dating app. Or they approached you in person— it doesn’t really matter.

The point is the same: they had only one thing in mind— they planned on per portarti a letto. Of course, they didn’t have the decency or the courage to propose casual sex upfront.

So, they probably sent you a bunch of romantic text messages and lied that they wanted something serious. Sadly, you didn’t notice the red flags, and you fell right into their trap.

But when you finally went out on a date, they noticed that you two clearly don’t want the same things. You’re not into anything casual, and you’re looking for real love.

Dal loro punto di vista, in questo caso, fare il ghosting di qualcuno sembra meglio che dirgli le vostre vere intenzioni.

7. You’ve been catfished

When you think of catfishing, I know what comes to your mind. You think of a fake Tinder, Hinge, or social media account. We all know the drill: they take someone else’s photos and information and trick you into going out with them or just texting them.

But you two already had your first date. You’ve met this person who ghosted you, and they really do look the same as in their photos.

Ciononostante, è possibile che vi stiano ancora cercando. Is it possible that they’ve given you false information about themselves?

Maybe you’ve gotten their real name, and that’s about it. They lied about their age, job, and everything else.

Now, they’ve realized that they’re playing with fire. They could get caught easily, and that’s why they chose to disappear.

8. They don’t want to hurt your feelings

Ghosting someone is awful, toxic, and disrespectful— nobody can question that. And even though I’m not here to defend your ghoster, let’s try looking at things from their perspective.

They didn’t do the right thing, and I’m not trying to argue against that. But that doesn’t automatically make them an insensible jerk.

Maybe they didn’t tell you the real reasons why they don’t like it because they didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I know that this is not the way to do it, but it’s the way they chose.

At the end of the day, it’s easier for you to be angry at them and to see them as an asshole who didn’t have the decency to send you a ritorno del testo than to hear them tell you they don’t like you.

Once again, no dating coach will tell you that their logic resonates with common sense. But it is what goes through a lot of people’s minds when they decide to ghost someone.

9. Hanno incontrato qualcun altro

A lot of people engage in the act of ghosting after first date simply because they meet someone new before the second date with you. In this case, they won’t ghost you right away.

Instead, you’ll be getting phone calls and a text back every once in a while, like everything is in perfect order. But all of a sudden, you’ll notice they start making excuses when you ask them when you’ll meet up for the next date.

Isn’t it obvious that they’ve lost interest in the meantime? And the only reason that could happen is that someone who captured their attention entered their life.

Please, don’t compare yourself to this new person. Don’t go through their social media, looking for clues about someone new. It’s their choice, and you should respect it.

10. You’ve given them the ick

Sapete cosa significa avere il mal di testa, vero? Succede anche nelle relazioni di lunga durata, quando si ama il proprio partner alla follia.

E all'improvviso, fanno qualcosa che ti disgusta completamente. Non è logico e, nella maggior parte dei casi, non ha alcun senso. Tuttavia, quella cosa che dicono o fanno vi dà il il più grande rifiuto di sempree non si può fare molto al riguardo.

Well, I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’re the one who’s given the other person the ick. You did something you’re not even aware of, and that killed all the attraction this person felt for you.

Why didn’t they say anything? Well, deep down, they know they’re being irrational.

I mean, you can’t say to someone you don’t want to see them anymore because of the way they ate their spaghetti. Well, technically, you can, but you’ll look like a lunatic. So, they choose radio silence instead.

11. They don’t care about your feelings

We’ve already talked about ghosters who ghost you because they don’t want to break your heart. Well, those are the good ones.

On the other hand, there are those who don’t give a damn about your emotions. And that’s one of the reasons for ghosting after first date.

They don’t care about the way their disappearance made you feel. They don’t care whether you’ll wonder what to do when you don’t get a text back, what went wrong; if you’ll blame yourself, and how this will affect your self-esteem, insecurities, or love life in the future.

They just see this as the easier way out of this uncomfortable situation they’ve gotten themselves into.

12. Hanno un sacco di cose da fare

Finally, one of the reasons for someone ghosting after first date might not have anything to do with you or with your romantic connection at all. In fact, maybe you didn’t get ghosted in the first place.

Well, technically, they did disappear. So, let me rephrase this: maybe they didn’t have the intention of ghosting you in the first place.

It’s just that your date has a lot going on in their life. Maybe they’re going through a family emergency or having a work crisis. Maybe their loved one passed away, or they ended up in hospital.

I know what you must think right now: no matter what happened, there is no way they didn’t have enough time to send a text back. And you would be absolutely right— if you two were in a long-term relationship.

However, you have to remember one thing: you went out on one great first date only. So the last thing they want is to bother you with their personal issues. Besides, truth be told, I don’t think you’re even crossing their mind right now.

Vedi anche: Ha mandato un messaggio dopo il primo appuntamento ma non più? Ecco cosa succede

Ghosting dopo il primo appuntamento: come gestirlo

Ecco una guida dettagliata passo-passo su come affrontare il ghosting:

1. Don’t blame yourself

La cosa peggiore che potete fare è incolpare voi stessi per l'atto di ghosting dopo il primo appuntamento.

Sono stato abbastanza bravo? Ho fatto qualcosa che li ha allontanati?

Could I have done something to prevent this from happening? Should I have dressed differently? Was it my perfume that they didn’t like?

Era il modo in cui ridevo? Il modo in cui parlavo?

What if I didn’t send that text? Would things have turned out differently? Or maybe I should have texted them more?

These are all the questions going through your head when dealing with a ghoster. But guess what: it’s all pointless.

Hanno le loro ragioni per agire in questo modo e probabilmente non avreste potuto fare nulla per evitarlo. Inoltre, ciò che è fatto è fatto. You can’t go back in time, can you now?

2. Accept that you won’t get closure

The truth is that you’ll never find the real reasons why you got ghosted. You can only guess and accept one of the reasons listed above, but you’ll never get real confirmation from the other person.

And whether you like it or not, you’ll never ottenere la chiusura you’re craving. You’ll never find out what happened, and you just have to live with it.

Stop looking for closure. I know that you want it, but you ain’t getting it. and that’s the reality you must accept.

3. Don’t text or call them

So this should be common sense, but I’ll emphasize it anyway. In nessun caso non è consentito contattare il vostro accompagnatore in questo o quel modo.

This includes text messages, phone calls, social media DMs, and everything else. If you do any of this, you’ll only appear desperate. Yes, you feel desperate. I know that, but your date doesn’t have to.

Don’t get me wrong— I’m not saying that you’re not allowed to contact them right away. It’s okay if you send them one text a few days after your date.

Don’t accuse them of anything, and don’t think of begging them for a reply. Just act casual and careless.

Ask them if everything is okay and tell them that you were wondering what they’ve been up to. You can also mention a second date in this text.

However, if you don’t get a reply at that point, everything is clear. Any message after that would smell like desperation.

4. Tagliare i ponti con questa persona

Nevertheless, not texting and calling your ghoster won’t be enough. It would be best if you could cut them off your life for good.

I know what you must be thinking right now. If you unfollow them on social media, they’ll get the impression that you’re offended.

Well, you are. And with full right to be! You don’t tolerate disrespect, and you’re not scared to make it very clear.

Pertanto, il passo successivo è bloccare il loro numero, togliere l'amicizia su tutti i social media ed evitare qualsiasi contatto con loro.

Perché è necessario? L'ultima cosa che volete è che questa persona abbia accesso a voi in futuro.

Bisogna sapere una cosa: I fantasmi cercano sempre di tornare!

Who knows? Maybe they’ll remember you the next time they are lonely, or they break up with their long-term partner. They’ll inviarvi un messaggio o di telefonarvi quando meno ve lo aspettate.

Sapete come fargli rimpiangere di averti abbandonato? Don’t give them a chance to reach out to you whenever they want. And don’t put yourself in the temptation to text them back.

Besides, they’re immature and disrespectful. And that is not the type of person you want near you.

5. Concentrarsi su se stessi

Invece di pensare troppo a questa situazione, il modo migliore per guarire è concentrarsi su se stessi. Quello che è successo appartiene al passato e voi dovete concentrarvi sul presente e sul futuro.

Don’t worry, this won’t become a pattern. It certainly doesn’t mean that you’ll get ghosted the next time you go out on a date with someone.

Ma puoi vederla come un'opportunità di autoprogresso. Diventare un fidanzato o una fidanzata, e il modo migliore per farlo è amare se stessi più che mai.

Quanto tempo ci vuole prima che venga considerato come un fantasma?

Innanzitutto, dovete essere sicuri che l'atto di ghosting dopo il primo appuntamento sia avvenuto. Quanto tempo è passato dall'ultima volta che si sono sentiti?

It doesn’t count as ghosting if they didn’t return your phone call the very next day. Yes, it’s rude, and they’re probably playing hot and cold mind games. However, it is not ghosting.

D'altra parte, if you haven’t heard from them in more than three days— you’ve been ghosted. Questo a condizione che abbiate provato a contattarmi ma non abbiate ricevuto risposta.

Yes, you can give them the benefit of the doubt and wait a whole week, but at that point, the reality is that they’re a ghoster.

Dovrei mandare un sms per primo dopo essere stato vittima di un ghosting?

Ogni dating coach vi dirà la stessa cosa: don’t text first after being ghosted. Their silent treatment is risposta sufficiente.

You’ve sent a couple of texts after your date. You’ve even invited them to meet up again. And you got no reply.

I know you want to express your anger and pain. You want to insult them, call them names, or you’ve come up with a witty risposta al ghosting che potrebbe ispirarli a ricambiare il messaggio.

But what would be the point of it? This person clearly doesn’t want to continue your romance (which hasn’t even started in the first place), and you should accept their decision with dignity.

What about the fact that they never had the dignity to tell you that in person? Well, that’s their problem.

Per concludere:

Now you know one crucial thing: ghosting after first date happens, but it’s not the end of the world— that is, unless you decide to see it that way.

So che la vedete come la peggiore esperienza possibile. Voglio dire, chi si diverte a essere vittima di un fantasma?

But instead of seeing it as a curse, try seeing it as a blessing in disguise. You’ve managed to get rid of someone who was never worthy of your time, energy, or effort.

E tutto quello che hai dovuto sprecare è stato un appuntamento. Come ti sentiresti se loro scomparso dalla tua vita dopo anni trascorsi insieme? Succede anche questo. E fa molto più male.

Most importantly, I advise you to see this as a lesson. Yes, there are some bad people out there. People who don’t give a damn about the hearts they break along the way.

People who don’t have the decency to say goodbye or to tell you the real reason why they’re leaving. But you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you get to your Prince or Princess.

Now you know what it is that you don’t want. Moreover, you know who you never want to become.