Ghosting después de la primera cita: Por qué ocurre y cómo afrontarlo
Que te fantasmeen es terrible. Te quedas con un montón de signos de interrogación sobre la cabeza y sin respuestas a la vista.
But you know what’s even worse? Ghosting after first date!
Te pareció una primera cita estupenda y estabas deseando volver a verles. Y estabas convencido de que ellos pensaban lo mismo.
However, after sending them a couple of texts, all you got was silence. Was it really that bad? And why didn’t they tell you they didn’t like you?
¿Por qué la gente deja fantasmas a otras personas? Y ¿cuál es la mejor manera de manejar el ghosting?
Siga leyendo para descubrirlo.
Ghosting después de la primera cita: 12 razones por las que ocurre
I wasn’t present on your date, so I can’t give you a clear answer to why you got ghosted. But what I can offer are 12 common reasons why ghosting happens.
1. Son infieles
The first possible reason why ghosting after first date happens is that you’re the otra mujer o el otro hombre. Por supuesto, no tienes ni idea de que tu cita ya está casada o comprometida. Han intentado engañarte y te han dicho que están solteros y dispuestos a mezclarse.
However, the truth is that they tried to cheat on their primary partner with you. Of course, they didn’t want to be honest about their relationship status until they were sure you’d fallen for them.
Lo intentaron, pero fracasaron. ¿Por qué desaparecieron?
Well, maybe they got caught and are dealing with this huge drama back at home. In that case, you’re the last thing on their mind.
Or they just realized you wouldn’t be the best affair partner in the world. They came to the conclusion that you wouldn’t provide them with the secrecy they need or just that you wouldn’t agree to be the third person.
2. They didn’t like your looks
This is a hard pill to swallow, but maybe they ghosted you because they didn’t like your appearance. This usually happens when you meet someone for the first time in person after a lot of online dating.
If you two matched on a dating app or just talked on social media— it is possible that they didn’t like what they saw when you two went out on a date.
Don’t get me wrong— I’m not saying that you don’t look similar on social media and in real life. But the truth is that we’re all more attractive on our dating app profiles.
No, this doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re unattractive. You’re just not their type, or they think that you two wouldn’t make it a good couple physically. Don’t take it personally, and don’t let something like this ruin your self-esteem.
3. They weren’t into your personality
Or maybe they simply didn’t like your personality? It doesn’t mean you displayed any bad behavior, and you might think that you two had a great first date.
However, the other person clearly doesn’t see you two as compatible. It certainly doesn’t mean that you don’t have some amazing traits and qualities.
E incluso si realmente era un buena cita...algo de tu personaje los desanimó.
Yes, I know what you must be thinking. It would be hell easier if they could tell you what’s wrong, so you don’t repeat your mistakes.
But that’s exactly why people ghost— so they don’t have to explain themselves.
4. Les intimidas
Suele ser uno de los principales razones por las que los hombres fantasmean a las mujeres después de una buena primera cita: se acobardan. Os conocisteis y todo iba genial hasta que al día siguiente se despertó y se dio cuenta de que tú tenías más éxito que él.
Or maybe you are more attractive, make more money or just have a better place in the social hierarchy. Either way, this guy came to the conclusion that you’re out of his league. He is ¡intimidado por ti!
He can’t handle it and being next to you is destroying his self-esteem. But naturally, he won’t tell you that you’re too much for him— or to put things this way, that he’s too little for you.
Instead, you’ll just get radio silence. No phone calls, no text messages, nothing.
De este modo, tiene la oportunidad de sentirse mejor consigo mismo y restaurar su destruido ego.
5. Volvieron con su ex
Here’s another common reason for ghosting after first date: the other person is in a long-term relationship. Actually, let’s put things right: técnicamente habían roto (o se estaban tomando un descanso) cuando tuvisteis una cita.
The person who ghosted you was single at the time of your date. But they were emotionally unavailable— that’s for sure.
Quizá buscaban vengarse de su ex. O te vieron como una oportunidad perfecta para una relación de rebote.
De cualquier manera, el punto es que funcionó. Volvieron con su ex y se olvidaron de tu existencia.
Mala suerte, lo sé. Pero oye, ¡suerte que pasó enseguida!
6. Sólo querían echar un polvo
So, you two met on Tinder, Hinge, or some other dating app. Or they approached you in person— it doesn’t really matter.
The point is the same: they had only one thing in mind— they planned on llevarte a la cama. Of course, they didn’t have the decency or the courage to propose casual sex upfront.
So, they probably sent you a bunch of romantic text messages and lied that they wanted something serious. Sadly, you didn’t notice the red flags, and you fell right into their trap.
But when you finally went out on a date, they noticed that you two clearly don’t want the same things. You’re not into anything casual, and you’re looking for real love.
Desde su punto de vista, en este caso, fantasmear a alguien parece mejor que decirle tus verdaderas intenciones.
7. You’ve been catfished
When you think of catfishing, I know what comes to your mind. You think of a fake Tinder, Hinge, or social media account. We all know the drill: they take someone else’s photos and information and trick you into going out with them or just texting them.
But you two already had your first date. You’ve met this person who ghosted you, and they really do look the same as in their photos.
No obstante, pueden seguir haciéndote catfishing. Is it possible that they’ve given you false information about themselves?
Maybe you’ve gotten their real name, and that’s about it. They lied about their age, job, and everything else.
Now, they’ve realized that they’re playing with fire. They could get caught easily, and that’s why they chose to disappear.
8. They don’t want to hurt your feelings
Ghosting someone is awful, toxic, and disrespectful— nobody can question that. And even though I’m not here to defend your ghoster, let’s try looking at things from their perspective.
They didn’t do the right thing, and I’m not trying to argue against that. But that doesn’t automatically make them an insensible jerk.
Maybe they didn’t tell you the real reasons why they don’t like it because they didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I know that this is not the way to do it, but it’s the way they chose.
At the end of the day, it’s easier for you to be angry at them and to see them as an asshole who didn’t have the decency to send you a Volver al texto than to hear them tell you they don’t like you.
Once again, no dating coach will tell you that their logic resonates with common sense. But it is what goes through a lot of people’s minds when they decide to ghost someone.
9. Conocieron a otra persona
A lot of people engage in the act of ghosting after first date simply because they meet someone new before the second date with you. In this case, they won’t ghost you right away.
Instead, you’ll be getting phone calls and a text back every once in a while, like everything is in perfect order. But all of a sudden, you’ll notice they start making excuses when you ask them when you’ll meet up for the next date.
Isn’t it obvious that they’ve lost interest in the meantime? And the only reason that could happen is that someone who captured their attention entered their life.
Please, don’t compare yourself to this new person. Don’t go through their social media, looking for clues about someone new. It’s their choice, and you should respect it.
10. You’ve given them the ick
Ya sabes lo que significa tener asco, ¿verdad? Ocurre incluso en las relaciones duraderas, cuando amas a tu pareja hasta la luna.
Y, de repente, hacen algo que te asquea por completo. No es lógico y, en la mayoría de los casos, no tiene ningún sentido. Sin embargo, esa cosa que dicen o hacen te da la el mayor rechazo jamás vistoy no hay mucho que puedas hacer al respecto.
Well, I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’re the one who’s given the other person the ick. You did something you’re not even aware of, and that killed all the attraction this person felt for you.
Why didn’t they say anything? Well, deep down, they know they’re being irrational.
I mean, you can’t say to someone you don’t want to see them anymore because of the way they ate their spaghetti. Well, technically, you can, but you’ll look like a lunatic. So, they choose radio silence instead.
11. They don’t care about your feelings
We’ve already talked about ghosters who ghost you because they don’t want to break your heart. Well, those are the good ones.
On the other hand, there are those who don’t give a damn about your emotions. And that’s one of the reasons for ghosting after first date.
They don’t care about the way their disappearance made you feel. They don’t care whether you’ll wonder what to do when you don’t get a text back, what went wrong; if you’ll blame yourself, and how this will affect your self-esteem, insecurities, or love life in the future.
They just see this as the easier way out of this uncomfortable situation they’ve gotten themselves into.
12. Tienen mucho que hacer
Finally, one of the reasons for someone ghosting after first date might not have anything to do with you or with your romantic connection at all. In fact, maybe you didn’t get ghosted in the first place.
Well, technically, they did disappear. So, let me rephrase this: maybe they didn’t have the intention of ghosting you in the first place.
It’s just that your date has a lot going on in their life. Maybe they’re going through a family emergency or having a work crisis. Maybe their loved one passed away, or they ended up in hospital.
I know what you must think right now: no matter what happened, there is no way they didn’t have enough time to send a text back. And you would be absolutely right— if you two were in a long-term relationship.
However, you have to remember one thing: you went out on one great first date only. So the last thing they want is to bother you with their personal issues. Besides, truth be told, I don’t think you’re even crossing their mind right now.
Véase también: ¿Te mandó un mensaje después de la primera cita, pero no desde entonces? Esto es lo que pasa
Ghosting después de la primera cita: cómo manejarlo
Aquí tiene una guía detallada paso a paso sobre cómo lidiar con el ghosting:
1. Don’t blame yourself
Lo peor que puedes hacer es culparte por el acto de ghosting después de la primera cita.
¿He sido lo bastante bueno? ¿Hice algo para ahuyentarlos?
Could I have done something to prevent this from happening? Should I have dressed differently? Was it my perfume that they didn’t like?
¿Era mi forma de reír? ¿La forma en que hablaba?
What if I didn’t send that text? Would things have turned out differently? Or maybe I should have texted them more?
These are all the questions going through your head when dealing with a ghoster. But guess what: it’s all pointless.
Tienen sus razones para actuar así, y probablemente no podrías haber hecho nada para evitarlo. Además, lo hecho, hecho está. You can’t go back in time, can you now?
2. Accept that you won’t get closure
The truth is that you’ll never find the real reasons why you got ghosted. You can only guess and accept one of the reasons listed above, but you’ll never get real confirmation from the other person.
And whether you like it or not, you’ll never obtener el cierre you’re craving. You’ll never find out what happened, and you just have to live with it.
Stop looking for closure. I know that you want it, but you ain’t getting it. and that’s the reality you must accept.
3. Don’t text or call them
So this should be common sense, but I’ll emphasize it anyway. En ningún caso está prohibido que te pongas en contacto con tu cita de esta u otra manera.
This includes text messages, phone calls, social media DMs, and everything else. If you do any of this, you’ll only appear desperate. Yes, you feel desperate. I know that, but your date doesn’t have to.
Don’t get me wrong— I’m not saying that you’re not allowed to contact them right away. It’s okay if you send them one text a few days after your date.
Don’t accuse them of anything, and don’t think of begging them for a reply. Just act casual and careless.
Ask them if everything is okay and tell them that you were wondering what they’ve been up to. You can also mention a second date in this text.
However, if you don’t get a reply at that point, everything is clear. Any message after that would smell like desperation.
4. Corta con esta persona
Nevertheless, not texting and calling your ghoster won’t be enough. It would be best if you could cut them off your life for good.
I know what you must be thinking right now. If you unfollow them on social media, they’ll get the impression that you’re offended.
Well, you are. And with full right to be! You don’t tolerate disrespect, and you’re not scared to make it very clear.
Por lo tanto, el siguiente paso es bloquear su número, eliminar su amistad en todas las redes sociales y evitar todo contacto con ellos.
¿Por qué es necesario? Lo último que quieres es que esa persona tenga acceso a ti en el futuro.
Tienes que saber una cosa: ¡los fantasmas siempre intentan volver!
Who knows? Maybe they’ll remember you the next time they are lonely, or they break up with their long-term partner. They’ll enviarte un mensaje o llamarte por teléfono cuando menos te lo esperas.
Sabes cómo haz que se arrepientan de haberte fantasmeado? Don’t give them a chance to reach out to you whenever they want. And don’t put yourself in the temptation to text them back.
Besides, they’re immature and disrespectful. And that is not the type of person you want near you.
5. Centrarse en uno mismo
En lugar de pensar demasiado en toda esta situación, la mejor manera de curarse es céntrate en ti mismo. Lo que pasó es pasado, y debes centrarte en el presente y en el futuro.
Don’t worry, this won’t become a pattern. It certainly doesn’t mean that you’ll get ghosted the next time you go out on a date with someone.
Pero puedes verlo como una oportunidad para progresar. Conviértete en material de novio/novia, y la mejor manera de hacerlo es quiérete a ti mismo más que nunca.
¿Cuánto tiempo pasa antes de que cuente como ghosting?
En primer lugar, tienes que estar seguro de que el acto de ghosting después de la primera cita ha tenido lugar. Cuánto tiempo ha pasado desde la última vez que se pusieron en contacto?
It doesn’t count as ghosting if they didn’t return your phone call the very next day. Yes, it’s rude, and they’re probably playing hot and cold mind games. However, it is not ghosting.
Por otro lado, if you haven’t heard from them in more than three days— you’ve been ghosted. Siempre que haya intentado ponerse en contacto pero no haya obtenido respuesta.
Yes, you can give them the benefit of the doubt and wait a whole week, but at that point, the reality is that they’re a ghoster.
¿Debo enviar primero un mensaje de texto después de que me envíen un mensaje fantasma?
Todos los entrenadores de citas te dirán lo mismo: don’t text first after being ghosted. Their silent treatment is respuesta suficiente.
You’ve sent a couple of texts after your date. You’ve even invited them to meet up again. And you got no reply.
I know you want to express your anger and pain. You want to insult them, call them names, or you’ve come up with a witty respuesta fantasma que podría inspirarles a devolverte el mensaje.
But what would be the point of it? This person clearly doesn’t want to continue your romance (which hasn’t even started in the first place), and you should accept their decision with dignity.
What about the fact that they never had the dignity to tell you that in person? Well, that’s their problem.
Para terminar:
Now you know one crucial thing: ghosting after first date happens, but it’s not the end of the world— that is, unless you decide to see it that way.
Sé que ves esto como la peor experiencia posible que has tenido. Quiero decir, ¿a quién le gusta que le fantasmeen?
But instead of seeing it as a curse, try seeing it as a blessing in disguise. You’ve managed to get rid of someone who was never worthy of your time, energy, or effort.
Y todo lo que tuviste que desperdiciar fue una cita. ¿Cómo te sentirías si desapareció de tu vida después de años ¿pasados juntos? Eso también pasa. Y duele mucho más.
Most importantly, I advise you to see this as a lesson. Yes, there are some bad people out there. People who don’t give a damn about the hearts they break along the way.
People who don’t have the decency to say goodbye or to tell you the real reason why they’re leaving. But you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you get to your Prince or Princess.
Now you know what it is that you don’t want. Moreover, you know who you never want to become.
