Ecco cosa significa davvero "Non sei tu, sono io".

“It’s not you, it’s me” è il più comune e popolare linea di rottura da quando Gwen l'ha usata per rompere con George Costanza in Seinfeld. But, it’s also the biggest lie ever!

Ti ricorda qualcosa?

Scommetto che tutti voi avete vissuto una situazione imbarazzante come questa.

You think everything is okay. You think you have found someone who is caring and loving. You think you’ve finally trovare l'anima gemella. You think you’ll stay together forever, and you pray for that to happen every single night.

Until one day, they come and make your whole world collapse with only one sentence: “We need to talk.”

Then pops up those 5 heartbreaking words: “It’s not you, it’s me,” with your soon-to-be-ex wearing that puppy-eyed look.

Cominciate a sentirvi travolgere da una montagna russa di emozioni e le lacrime iniziano a scendere sulle guance.

You’re not sure how to interpret those words… Is it truly the way your partner feels, or is it just a regular rottura excuse? And I’m here for you today to help you find out and clear your doubts.

What Does It Mean When They Say, ‘It’s Not You, It’s Me’?

I don’t know what is with these ‘men,’ if I can call them that anymore, nowadays… It’s like the bed is the only place they actually have balls.

If you don’t like someone anymore, come clean about it. If you’ve cheated on your partner, you owe them an apology – you can’t use a breakup to get away with it.

You’re guilty of someone’s strazio, e tutto quello che hai fatto è stato inventare una pessima frase di rottura. Voglio dire, davvero, amico? That’s a real cowardly act.

It also may have several ambiguous meanings… Ironically, it almost never means what it actually means because most people only use it as a breakup excuse.

In most cases, this breakup phrase simply means…

• Classic breakup excuse

‘You did absolutely nothing that could make me break up with you, but still, I have to do it because I feel l'erba è più verde on the other side’ – I’m sure this is the scenario that has been playing in the heads of all those who use ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ as an excuse to leave someone in a “nice way.”

On the one hand, they’re actually right because it is them – they’re colui che ha iniziato la rottura perché hanno altri interessi.

On the other hand, they also use it so they don’t complicate things any further and so they don’t look bad for leaving their partner for someone else.

Anche se questa frase sembra chiara, può avere una significato nascosto. Potrebbe essere solo una forma di manipolazione. Una manipolazione di cui non dovreste mai innamorarvi.

• Cowardly act

I’m sure they did not only leave you with this awful breakup line but that they also did it via social media… Am I right? Well, you’re obviously dealing with a chicken here who doesn’t have the guts to break up with you in person.

Pensano che se si assumono tutta la colpa, allora tutto andrà bene. Sì, sarebbe giusto se tu fossi un fottuto idiota!

But with your common sense, you can’t and shouldn’t accept that vi stanno solo illudendo. Il mio consiglio per le relazioni è di affrontarli. Fagli ammettere il vero motivo della rottura con te.

“Why are you such un codardo? Why don’t you stand in front of me and have your heart on your sleeve?

Ditemi se non siete più attratto da me. Tell me if I gained some weight and you don’t consider me hot anymore.

Whatever the reason is just tell me, okay? Because I won’t buy that cliché that it’s all about you.”

• Relief of conscience

The relationship is made of two people (3, 4, 5…as you like it) and the point is that each and every person has something to do with the breakup.

It’s not as simple as you think.

If you’re someone who used this linea di rottura per porre fine alla vostra relazione, basta tirare il freno e pensare al vostro partner per un secondo. Vorrebbero sapere dov'è il problema. Per i giorni a venire. Per i partner di cui innamorarsi.

That won’t make you feel better about your mistake. So, just be honest. That’s the least you can do for the person you shared everything with.

Dovete tenere presente che alla fine tutto sarà rivelato.

Every lie, every secret. Everything will be revealed and you can’t do anything to make it stop.

That’s the way that cookie crumbles. So, if you’ve stopped loving your partner, you need to admit it to them. That’s the only way you’ll ease your conscience.

• Making it easier

Più facile per chi? Per il dumpee? For the person who didn’t deserve it at all because all they did was love you too deeply and without any limits?

Non c'è modo di rendere le cose più facili per loro. And if you’re trying to ease their pain by leaving them in this awful way, you’re only complicating things even more and only prolonging their agony and pain.

That’s not how things function in real life. Essere lasciati da qualcuno che si ama di più fa male, indipendentemente dal modo in cui avviene la rottura. That’s the kind of pain that can’t be reduced or eased in any way.

On the flip side, it may also mean…

• Admission of guilt

This is the literal meaning behind this phrase. ‘It’s not about you, it’s about me’ may really mean that the problem is with them, that they did something and aren’t able to forgive themselves.

Forse hanno anche provato a lasciarselo alle spalle e ad andare avanti, ma ha continuato a perseguitarli. They couldn’t stay with you under such pressure and decided that ending things would be the best thing.

But again, their actions are still deeply unfair, and they’re still (unintentionally) hurting you. Ammettere i propri errori e assumersene la piena responsabilità era l'unica cosa giusta da fare in questo caso.

• Unaddressed and unresolved issues

Questo è il motivo più comune per cui la maggior parte fine delle relazioni: comunicazione malsana e irregolare.

Penso che tutti esperti di relazioni concordano sul fatto che non c'è relazione sana senza una sana comunicazione. There has to be understanding in relationships, but that doesn’t mean that your partner must read your mind because none of us have those abilities.

The thing is that if you don’t address things that are bothering you in your relationship in time, you’ll end up bottling them up inside. You’ll keep bottling and pilling them up inside until one day…

BOOM ? Un'enorme esplosione brucia la vostra relazione.

Inoltre, quelli questioni irrisolte may create an aversion to your partner. You’ll understand that your feelings have changed, which will lead you to make this decision.

• Emotional/physical/mental health issues

If you’ve noticed that your partner has salute mentale o autostima o alcuni problemi con i loro migliori amici and family, there is a possibility that is the real reason why they’re dumping you.

Quando una persona è alle prese con basso autostima, diventano inclini a pesare relazioni che hanno con altre persone. Si chiedono costantemente se meritano davvero di essere amati e, purtroppo, questo non finisce quasi mai bene.

If you feel that this may be the case with your partner, then don’t insist on finding out the real reason for your breakup. Leave them alone, give them time to think about it all, and sort out their feelings in peace.

• Commitment issues

Il vostro partner potrebbe anche essere in difficoltà con l'impegno, and maybe it’s really about them. They just can’t enter into a relazione seria, and they don’t want to keep leading you on.

Chimica forte e compatibilità… Love… Trust… You see, all those things are irrelevant if someone doesn’t sincerely feel ready to commit to someone else.

There is that inner voice in them that keeps telling them they’re making a mistake. That they should enjoy their single life a little while longer.

Se avete notato i modelli di fobia dell'impegno in your partner, it’s possible that they didn’t use ‘it’s not you, it’s me‘ as a scusa per la rottura – it’s a scappare dalla scusa dell'impegno. They really feel that way and don’t want to hurt you anymore.

How Do You Respond To ‘It’s Not You, It’s Me’?

Se il vostro partner viene da voi con questo linea di rottura, the most important thing for you is to keep calm. Don’t react immediately.

Prendete un respiro profondo prima di dire qualcosa. E poi, dite tutto ciò che avete nel cuore.

Tuttavia, se avete bisogno di aiuto, eccone due risposte impertinenti a questa battuta di rottura davvero penosa.

✔️ You’re damn right; it’s not me, it’s you

Avete lottato duramente per mantenere la vostra relazione. Quindi, non c'è motivo di essere tristi, né di rimpiangere qualcosa.

You’re the one that can leave the relationship with their head held high because you know you did absolutely nothing wrong.

That’s why you should agree with your partner that it’s not you – it’s them. And you shouldn’t feel bad about anything.

There is no need for name-calling and insults… There is no need for vendetta… Keep the beautiful memories from your relationship, accept the reality, and continuare ad andare avanti.

✔️ It’s your loss, not mine

You are the person on the receiving end, but you’re also strong enough, and I know you can handle the truth. Non siete fatti per essere, and that’s a fact you’ll need to come to terms with.

Tuttavia, provate a premere il tasto replay nella vostra mente su tutta la vostra relazione. Pensate a tutte le cose a cui avete dovuto rinunciare a causa loro. Pensate a tutti i sacrifici che avete dovuto fare per renderli felici.

Hanno perso qualcuno che li amava veramente ed era pronto a rinunciare a tutto per loro. Voi, invece, avete perso qualcuno che non è mai stato pronto a ricambiare questi sentimenti.

Il punto fondamentale è che è abbastanza ovvio di chi sia la perdita, quindi smettetela di rimuginarci sopra. Se vogliono andarsene, tenete la porta aperta. per loro.

◾ And one thing you should not by any means say when someone is using this breakup excuse to get rid of you is…

✖️ “I just want to know, do you still love me?”

Who cares now? It’s over, they’re leaving you, and that’s all that is important. That’s the only focus right now.

And the absolute worst thing you could do at that moment is to say ‘Ti amo‘ to them, to the person who’s leaving you. That’s a huge no-no that will only make you look miserable. That’s not how you’ll vincere la rottura.

Ho avuto una situazione simile nella mia vita e, credetemi, cercare di trattenere la persona che mi ha abbandonato tanto tempo fa è ancora il mio più grande errore e rimpianto.

They’re breaking up with you, and there is your answer. Know that se ti amano, non ti volterebbero mai le spalle, a prescindere da tutto.

In breve

If your partner gives you the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ discorso di rottura, try to understand them. After all, the truth is, it’s difficult to live with someone who wants all or nothing.

Eravate innamorati, affascinati e ossessionati da qualcuno che non lo meritava, che non vi meritava affatto.

Ora dovete accettarlo e accettare il fatto che i vostri cuori hanno smesso di battere l'uno per l'altro. Il gioco è finito.

Quindi, avanti, piangete il vostro cuore, e poi ricominciare tutto da capo. Find new love, a new sky to live under, and forget about the one who didn’t know how to keep you close.