Tudo o que resta do nosso amor é uma cicatriz desagradável no meu coração

It couldn’t end any other way, could it? When you feel something so powerful, when all your love and passion end up in the wrong hands, it crushes you so badly, it almost kills you.

Tudo começou tão depressa. Desde o dia em que te conheci, senti que havia uma ligação instantânea. Era quase como se eu soubesse que serias alguém importante para mim, como se tivesse estado à espera desse momento durante toda a minha vida.

When we talked for the first time, I was playing it cool. I don’t know If I pulled it off or not because my cheeks were blushing, my heart was pounding and I was afraid you would hear it. I felt like a teenage girl who had just met her crush. I wasn’t one to fall in love so easily but I guess I fell for you right there and then.

You fell for me too. At least that’s what you said. After a while, we started to date. We entered into a relationship so fast, and it was unlike me, as I am an pensador excessivo por isso gosto de pensar muito bem antes de decidir algo importante. Mas pareceu-me tão natural estar contigo que baixei a guarda.

Tudo parecia tão incrível. Podíamos falar durante horas sobre tudo e mais alguma coisa. Tínhamos gostos semelhantes em música, filmes e comida, por isso era fácil conviver contigo. Tornávamos um dia normal extraordinário numa questão de segundos. Além disso, tínhamos uma química incrível; as faíscas voavam por todo o lado sempre que nos olhávamos. Despíamo-nos um ao outro com os nossos olhos sempre que estávamos no mesmo quarto. As camas partiam-se quando estávamos sozinhos. Tudo parecia perfeito.

Everything was perfect, until one day it wasn’t anymore. You changed, or you showed your real face because you were tired of acting—acting like you were this normal, caring and loving person I had waited to meet my whole life. You became someone I couldn’t recognize.

All of a sudden, everything I said or did bothered you. I was always the one to blame no matter what happened and no matter whether it had anything to do with me at all or not. Somebody would piss you off and you would take it out on me. Every time we would get into a fight, it was always my fault. I didn’t understand you, I didn’t support you, basically everything I did, I did wrong, I could no longer see in you that reasonable and gentle person I had spent so much time with.

Everything revolved around you. Things you needed and things you wanted. It was like I didn’t exist anymore. Like I didn’t matter to you at all. On the other hand, I would go out of my way to please you. I wanted us to work. I wanted you to be happy. I couldn’t let all those special and meaningful moments go to waste like they had never happened just because you were going through a rough patch.

Mas a tua fase difícil não tinha fim. Claro, tinhas os teus dias em que voltavas a ser o que eras, o tu que eu conhecia, o tu por quem me apaixonei, mas esses dias eram tão raros. Tão raros que eu sentia que só tinha conhecido a dor desde que te conheci. O teu comportamento tinha piorado e as nossas discussões tornaram-se o nosso único meio de comunicação.

Tornaste-te distante e eu nunca conseguia perceber o que se passava na tua mente. Sempre que te pedia para partilhares os teus sentimentos e pensamentos comigo, dizias que não havia nada para partilhar. Cada vez que te pedia para trabalhares em nós, para trabalhares na nossa relação, parecias desinteressado ou dizias que ias tentar, mas nunca o fazias, nem por sombras. O facto de tentares ser melhor, de me tratares melhor, durava alguns dias e depois voltavas a mostrar o teu verdadeiro eu.

I wasn’t about to give up on us. I tried, I really did. But there was that one moment that woke me up and made me see clearly for the first time. The moment, during one of our fights, where you raised your hand to hit me, and before I realized what was happening, you slapped me so hard that all the love I felt for you turned into fear.

You were sorry once you had cooled off, when you realized what you had done. But it was too late for stories. All the apologies in this world couldn’t make that better. You begged me for forgiveness but I was already out of the door, going somewhere, anywhere, away from you.

I couldn’t believe that you had that in you. Despite all the problems we had, I never thought you could ever do something like that, that you could ever be so violent. It took me a long long time to recover from you. But I managed. I got to the point where I was grateful for that slap in the face as it really made me see the real you—somebody toxic and violent, some stranger in the body of a man I once loved.

I am grateful because if it wasn’t for that slap, I would have stayed with you longer, I would have put up with everything, thinking things would change. I was living in hell and I would have kept on doing so if it hadn’t been for that horrible night. Eu amava-te tanto verdadeiramente, loucamente, profundamente e tudo o que tenho para mostrar por esse amor é uma cicatriz desagradável no meu coração que carrega uma memória amarga de ti.