Se ele quisesse, fá-lo-ia: Deve-se dar esse conselho às mulheres?

”If he wanted to, he would.” This piece of conselhos para encontros has become extremely popular on TikTok. We hear it more and more often, and every time we do, it’s like our heart is being ripped out.

Se um O gajo gosta de ti, he’ll make an effort, right? It’s that simple… Or is it?

Sometimes, we tend to oversimplify other people’s actions. We say to ourselves or others that it’s not that deep, that the answer is so obvious, but we just refuse to be honestos connosco próprios.

And yes, sometimes a guy just doesn’t want you. But, if he has expressed interest yet backed off, there’s a good reason for that.

If you stay with me, I’ll show you that using the phrase, “If he wanted to, he would” isn’t only harmful to the person who hears it, but it’s also very, very WRONG.

O que significa a frase If He Wanted To He Would?

Significa que se um homem quisesse estar consigo, faria um esforço.

Segundo esta frase em voga, a falta de esforço esconde uma falta de interesse. Someone who doesn’t chase you just doesn’t like you enough.

I’m sure your friends have tried to comfort you with this many times. I know mine have. And each time, I felt horrible. Why?

Well, because when you say ”if he wanted to, he would” to a woman, she starts feeling like she’s the one to blame.

Even when she acts like she’s angry at HIM, deep down, she feels she’s at fault. Things get even worse when she starts comparing herself to her guy’s ex-girlfriends.

As perguntas surgem-lhe na cabeça:

Porque é que ele se esforçou tanto por eles e não por mim? Sou menos digna de afeto? Haverá algo de errado comigo?

You get the idea. If you keep saying ”if he wanted to, he would” to a best friend, trust me, you will only make them feel worse.

The truth is much more complicated…

That’s always how it goes. A o homem rejeita-a, and your lack of self-worth makes you search for flaws and reasons why someone wouldn’t want to be with you.

Mais ainda, começa a sentir-se como guys don’t like you in general. I’m no different…

Um tipo pôs-me um fantasma durante dias, enquanto estava ativo nas aplicações das redes sociais, por isso decidi dar-lhe a provar do seu próprio remédio. Mas, quando finalmente respondi, ele estava a agir de forma fria.

Now, the logical thinking process would be: ”What an awful person! He doesn’t deserve my love!”

But, mine was more like: ”OMG, maybe I shouldn’t have ignored him. This is all my fault now.”

NO! My ladies, if you give someone all your love and attention, then you did nothing wrong. If he doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated, that’s on HIM.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s a bad guy either. People have a lot of personal issues and trauma that prevent them from being involved with someone.

Talvez este homem goste mesmo de si, mas há coisas que o impedem de o fazer.

Maybe his last girlfriend messed him up so badly that he’s afraid to get close to someone again. Or, perhaps, his job is at the top of his priority list.

His problems don’t excuse his behavior, but they can help you understand that his reasons are usually much deeper than just him not wanting you.

You don’t owe him anything

I can’t emphasize this enough – just because you understand how hard it is for your guy doesn’t mean you should forgive him every time he mistreats you in any way.

Sim, se ele deixou de te enviar mensagens, there’s most likely a reason that has nothing to do with you, but does that make it okay?

Quem te deixa triste é não é digno do seu tempoindependentemente das circunstâncias.

So, the next time a guy rejects you, be neither angry nor forgiving. It’s not your job to faz com que ele te persiga. Basta dizer estas palavras a si próprio:

”He has his issues, and that’s fine, but I deserve so much more. I hope he’ll get better, but consertando-o isn’t my job. I want to be his girlfriend, not his therapist.”

Your worth isn’t connected to him

I know you want him to love you back, and I’m sorry that’s not the case. But, while it’s okay to be sad about it, you shouldn’t let it ruin your entire life.

Just because he didn’t call you after your first date doesn’t mean you aren’t material de namorada. It especially doesn’t mean you are unworthy of love.

Don’t allow your own self-worth to disappear just because someone’s issues got in the way of them loving you.

It’s beautiful to be noticed by someone we like, but if they don’t give you the love and validation you seek, make sure to elevar os seus padrões.

O que um homem quer dizer quando quer ir devagar

It just means he’s afraid.

He probably had many negative experiences, and now he’s overly cautious when it comes to relationships. He doesn’t want to start anything unless he’s 100% com certeza sobre si.

Eu sei que ir devagar parece uma bandeira vermelha, e PODE ser. Alguns homens vão andar em cima de tiu enquanto mantém as suas opções em aberto. Se ele quisesse, estaria consigo.

But, it’s not always like that…

Some genuinely want to be with you but just want to make sure you’re the right woman for them first.

Pode ser difícil distinguir entre os dois, mas nunca se pode errar ao ouvir o seu instinto.

Se vos disser que you shouldn’t give up on him, then don’t. If it tells you that ele vai partir o teu coração, fugir para o mais longe possível.

Quanto tempo é que um homem demora a saber que quer comprometer-se?

Isso depende do homem.

Alguns são capazes de se comprometer muito em breve, enquanto outros são homens quebrados assombrados pelos seus traumas passados.

I know it’s annoying to wait for a guy, but things are much more complicated than ”if he wanted to, he would.”

Ninguém é mais incomodado por questões de empenhamento than the guy who has them. He’s lonely, yet he can’t do anything about it. Every time he tries to get close to someone, ele afasta-se.

So, if you’ve come across a homem mentalmente forte sem problemas, provavelmente levará algumas semanas para que ele se torne oficial consigo.

But, if you’re involved with a guy who has problemas de intimidadeé melhor esperar um pouco mais.

However, I hope you know that just because you like someone doesn’t mean you should fight for them no matter what. Even if he’s troubled, he should still somehow show his love for you.

Deve ser compreensivo, mas não ao ponto de prejudicar a sua autoestima e a sua saúde mental em geral.

I’ll never forget the words of an old friend: ”It’s okay to want to take care of someone, but you should never neglect your own well-being for someone else’s sake.”

It sounds so simple, yet we often forget it. We’re so eager to be loved that we’ll do anything.

Bem, eu, o seu humilde treinador de encontros, estou aqui para o lembrar que VOCÊ está em primeiro lugar, por isso seja gentil consigo mesmo.

How Can You Tell If He’s Serious About You?

Vê-se pela quantidade de esforço que faz.

A homem de verdade que quer um relação séria O homem que quer estar contigo fará tudo o que estiver ao seu alcance para te conquistar. Nada o poderá impedir, porque ele quer mesmo estar consigo.

​HOWEVER, this isn’t necessarily the case. Sometimes, a guy wants you more than anything, yet he stands frozen because he doesn’t know how to make it happen.

He either fears that you’ll reject him to the point where he’d rather be without you.

Ou, ele tem grandes questões de abandono that make him believe nothing will ever last. This kind of guy sees you slip away long before you’re even his.

A última coisa que lhe passa pela cabeça é causar-lhe um desgosto, mas os problemas dele são maiores do que o desejo que tem por si.

This doesn’t mean that he’s not a sério sobre si, though. He’s just obviously not in the right place to have a relationship.

Try putting yourself in his shoes, and give him some time… but not too much time because that will turn into a relação tóxica.

Deixem-no provar o seu valor antes de realmente dar-lhe uma oportunidade.

Todos os especialistas em relações dir-lhe-ão o mesmo: Ele pode ser um bom rapazMas se a sua vida amorosa está a trazer mais tristeza do que felicidade à sua vida, então deve afastar-se.

Considerações finais

See? At the end of the day, it’s almost never about you. If you’re loving, and you try hard, don’t blame yourself when he’s not able to show up.

Eu sei que lidar com a rejeição isn’t easy, but try to remember how complex your own inner world is.

Remember how many times you’ve wanted to do something, but your negative thoughts got a hold of you and stopped you from fulfilling your wish.

And you know that’s not because the wish wasn’t important enough. Sometimes, it’s just too damn hard.

So, no. ”If he wanted to, he would” isn’t the kind of advice you should be giving anyone.

Ainda assim, tem autoestima suficiente para romper with a guy who can’t make you as happy as you want to be. Wish him all the best and move on.