Se volesse, lo farebbe: Dovreste dare alle donne questi consigli?

”If he wanted to, he would.” This piece of consigli per gli incontri has become extremely popular on TikTok. We hear it more and more often, and every time we do, it’s like our heart is being ripped out.

Se un piaci a un ragazzo, he’ll make an effort, right? It’s that simple… Or is it?

Sometimes, we tend to oversimplify other people’s actions. We say to ourselves or others that it’s not that deep, that the answer is so obvious, but we just refuse to be onesti con noi stessi.

And yes, sometimes a guy just doesn’t want you. But, if he has expressed interest yet backed off, there’s a good reason for that.

If you stay with me, I’ll show you that using the phrase, “If he wanted to, he would” isn’t only harmful to the person who hears it, but it’s also very, very WRONG.

Che cosa significa la frase "Se volesse lo farebbe"?

Significa che se un ragazzo volesse stare con te, farebbe uno sforzo.

Secondo questa frase di tendenza, la mancanza di sforzo nasconde una mancanza di interesse. Someone who doesn’t chase you just doesn’t like you enough.

I’m sure your friends have tried to comfort you with this many times. I know mine have. And each time, I felt horrible. Why?

Well, because when you say ”if he wanted to, he would” to a woman, she starts feeling like she’s the one to blame.

Even when she acts like she’s angry at HIM, deep down, she feels she’s at fault. Things get even worse when she starts comparing herself to her guy’s ex-girlfriends.

Le vengono in mente domande di ogni tipo:

Perché si è impegnato così tanto per loro ma non per me? Sono forse meno degna di affetto? C'è qualcosa di sbagliato in me?

You get the idea. If you keep saying ”if he wanted to, he would” to a best friend, trust me, you will only make them feel worse.

The truth is much more complicated…

That’s always how it goes. A il ragazzo ti rifiuta, and your lack of self-worth makes you search for flaws and reasons why someone wouldn’t want to be with you.

Ancora di più, si inizia a sentire come guys don’t like you in general. I’m no different…

Un ragazzo mi ha abbandonato per giorni, mentre era attivo sulle applicazioni dei social media, così ho deciso di fargli assaggiare la sua stessa medicina. Ma quando finalmente ho risposto, si è comportato in modo freddo.

Now, the logical thinking process would be: ”What an awful person! He doesn’t deserve my love!”

But, mine was more like: ”OMG, maybe I shouldn’t have ignored him. This is all my fault now.”

NO! My ladies, if you give someone all your love and attention, then you did nothing wrong. If he doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated, that’s on HIM.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s a bad guy either. People have a lot of personal issues and trauma that prevent them from being involved with someone.

Forse a quest'uomo piaci davvero, ma ci sono cose che lo frenano.

Maybe his last girlfriend messed him up so badly that he’s afraid to get close to someone again. Or, perhaps, his job is at the top of his priority list.

His problems don’t excuse his behavior, but they can help you understand that his reasons are usually much deeper than just him not wanting you.

You don’t owe him anything

I can’t emphasize this enough – just because you understand how hard it is for your guy doesn’t mean you should forgive him every time he mistreats you in any way.

Sì, se ha smesso di mandarti messaggi, there’s most likely a reason that has nothing to do with you, but does that make it okay?

Chiunque ti renda triste è non degno del vostro tempo, a prescindere dalle circostanze.

So, the next time a guy rejects you, be neither angry nor forgiving. It’s not your job to far sì che ti insegua. Dite queste parole a voi stessi:

”He has his issues, and that’s fine, but I deserve so much more. I hope he’ll get better, but fissarlo isn’t my job. I want to be his girlfriend, not his therapist.”

Your worth isn’t connected to him

I know you want him to love you back, and I’m sorry that’s not the case. But, while it’s okay to be sad about it, you shouldn’t let it ruin your entire life.

Just because he didn’t call you after your first date doesn’t mean you aren’t materiale per la fidanzata. It especially doesn’t mean you are unworthy of love.

Don’t allow your own self-worth to disappear just because someone’s issues got in the way of them loving you.

It’s beautiful to be noticed by someone we like, but if they don’t give you the love and validation you seek, make sure to aumentare i propri standard.

Cosa vuol dire un ragazzo quando vuole andarci piano

It just means he’s afraid.

He probably had many negative experiences, and now he’s overly cautious when it comes to relationships. He doesn’t want to start anything unless he’s 100% sicuro di te.

So che la lentezza sembra un segnale di allarme, e può esserlo. Alcuni ragazzi camminare su di teu mantenendo aperte le proprie opzioni. Se lo volesse, starebbe con te.

But, it’s not always like that…

Some genuinely want to be with you but just want to make sure you’re the right woman for them first.

Può essere difficile distinguere tra le due cose, ma non si può mai sbagliare ascoltando il proprio istinto.

Se vi dice che you shouldn’t give up on him, then don’t. If it tells you that vi spezzerà il cuorefuggire il più lontano possibile.

Quanto tempo ci vuole perché un uomo sappia di volersi impegnare?

Dipende dall'uomo.

Alcuni sono in grado di impegnarsi molto presto, mentre altri sono uomini distrutti perseguitati dai loro traumi passati.

I know it’s annoying to wait for a guy, but things are much more complicated than ”if he wanted to, he would.”

Nessuno è più infastidito da problemi di impegno than the guy who has them. He’s lonely, yet he can’t do anything about it. Every time he tries to get close to someone, si allontana.

So, if you’ve come across a uomo mentalmente forte senza problemi, probabilmente gli ci vorrà qualche settimana per diventare ufficiale con voi.

But, if you’re involved with a guy who has problemi di intimità, potreste aspettare ancora un po'.

However, I hope you know that just because you like someone doesn’t mean you should fight for them no matter what. Even if he’s troubled, he should still somehow show his love for you.

Dovete essere comprensivi, ma non fino al punto di danneggiare la vostra autostima e la vostra salute mentale generale.

I’ll never forget the words of an old friend: ”It’s okay to want to take care of someone, but you should never neglect your own well-being for someone else’s sake.”

It sounds so simple, yet we often forget it. We’re so eager to be loved that we’ll do anything.

Ebbene, io, la vostra umile dating coach, sono qui per ricordarvi che VOI venite prima di tutto, quindi siate gentili con voi stessi.

How Can You Tell If He’s Serious About You?

Lo si vede dall'impegno che ci mette.

A uomo vero che vuole un relazione seria con voi farà di tutto per conquistarvi. Niente potrà ostacolarlo perché vuole davvero stare con voi.

​HOWEVER, this isn’t necessarily the case. Sometimes, a guy wants you more than anything, yet he stands frozen because he doesn’t know how to make it happen.

He either fears that you’ll reject him to the point where he’d rather be without you.

Oppure, ha un'importante problemi di abbandono that make him believe nothing will ever last. This kind of guy sees you slip away long before you’re even his.

L'ultima cosa che gli passa per la testa è di provocarti un colpo di fulmine, ma i suoi problemi sono più grandi del suo desiderio di te.

This doesn’t mean that he’s not serio su di te, though. He’s just obviously not in the right place to have a relationship.

Try putting yourself in his shoes, and give him some time… but not too much time because that will turn into a relazione tossica.

Lasciategli dimostrare il suo valore prima di aver effettivamente dargli una possibilità.

Ogni esperto di relazioni vi dirà la stessa cosa: Può essere un bravo ragazzoMa se la vostra vita di coppia vi sta portando più tristezza che felicità, allora dovreste starne alla larga.

Pensieri finali

See? At the end of the day, it’s almost never about you. If you’re loving, and you try hard, don’t blame yourself when he’s not able to show up.

So che affrontare il rifiuto isn’t easy, but try to remember how complex your own inner world is.

Remember how many times you’ve wanted to do something, but your negative thoughts got a hold of you and stopped you from fulfilling your wish.

And you know that’s not because the wish wasn’t important enough. Sometimes, it’s just too damn hard.

So, no. ”If he wanted to, he would” isn’t the kind of advice you should be giving anyone.

Tuttavia, avere abbastanza rispetto di sé per rottura with a guy who can’t make you as happy as you want to be. Wish him all the best and move on.