Have you ever been involved with someone selfish? If you have, you know how something like this can be a true nightmare.
That is why we’re here to give you a guide on how to identify these types of people and how to handle them most successfully.
How to spot selfish people?
Selfish people are everywhere around you, although most of them hide this toxic trait in sneaky ways. However, there are some characteristics common to almost every selfish person and here are 5 of them.
1. They’re overly caring
When you first meet a toxic person, they are usually your dream come true. These people are everything you’ve always wanted in a friend or a romantic partner, and at first, you are more than happy for meeting them. And the same goes with selfish people, as well.
At first sight, a selfish person is too good to be true. They’re caring, loving, and friendly, and before you know it, somehow they crawl into your life and become a part of it.
Of course, not all kind people turn out to be selfish assholes. However, when someone is toxic in this way, they show their true colors as soon as they see that they have locked in your love and affection.
2. They’re possessive
There is one thing all selfish people have in common without exception – they’re all possessive. They are needy, have trouble understanding that you have other people in your life besides them, and want all of their victim’s attention.
Once they see that they’ve managed to get you, they consider you their prey and aren’t prepared to share you with anyone else. They know that you are suited for selfish and toxic people who drain all of your energy, and they don’t plan on allowing someone else to start taking advantage of you.
This is especially difficult in a romantic relationship because, at first, you are flattered by the fact that your partner is so crazy about you and doesn’t want to lose you. With time, however, you see the reason for their behavior and you realize it has very little to do with true love.
3. They never reciprocate your efforts
A selfish person will never put the same amount of effort that you do in your relationship. No matter what, you’ll always be the one giving more and trying more. Next to them, you’ll constantly feel emotionally neglected and be wanting more of their love and attention.
The worst part is that, despite this, a selfish person will somehow manage to make themselves a victim. They will use their sneaky ways to persuade you into trying even harder to win their full affection and get them to return the love you deserve.
4. They lack empathy
Even before someone shows their true colors to you, you can spot their selfishness through their behavior toward other people and even animals. These kinds of people have a complete absence of empathy – they can never feel sorry nor happy for someone else.
Selfish people don’t know how to walk in other people’s shoes. They don’t know how to feel others’ misery or joy because they only care about themselves. So, if you notice that someone close to you isn’t showing any sign of compassion when you guys see a stray animal or when something bad happens in the world, it is a surefire sign they don’t think about anyone besides themselves.
5. They’re manipulative
Remember one thing: selfish people don’t love you – they aren’t capable of truly loving anyone! They only love themselves.
These people are afraid of losing you for everything you’re giving them and for the way you make them feel. They’re actually terrified of the possibility of being alone without anyone to use.
That is exactly why they’ll do everything in their power to keep you around and never let you go. They will use emotional manipulation, blackmail, and anything else they can against you, just so you feel guilty every time you even think about abandoning them.
How to handle selfish people?
Spotting selfish people is a piece of cake if you know what signs you should look out for. However, handling them when they’ve already crawled in your life is much more difficult. But it can be done and here is how.
1. Accept that you’re involved with someone selfish
First and foremost, you have to come to terms with the fact that everyone around you, including your dearest ones, can have this toxic trait. I know it’s hard to accept that the closest member of your family – your life partner or your best friend – is selfish, but sometimes, you simply have to look the truth in the eyes sooner rather than later.
Instead of ignoring the signs, thinking that will make the problem miraculously go away, face it and do everything you can to help yourself. Remember that every relationship with a toxic person is emotionally draining and it will harm you in the long run.
2. Start loving yourself more
When you’re involved with someone toxic, you have to be aware that this person always puts themselves first, no matter what. And it’s about time you start doing that, too.
Yeah, I know it’s easy for me to tell you to love yourself more, but that is exactly what you need to do. Why do you continue putting someone else’s needs in front of your own, when this person will never stop treating you like their last resort?
You’re not a bad person for prioritizing yourself over someone who doesn’t give a damn about your well-being. Instead of trying to save this selfish person who obviously enjoys their toxicity, do your best to save yourself from them.
3. Give them a taste of their medicine
Sadly, sometimes, the only way to deal with the selfish type is to treat them the same way they’re treating you. This means that you have to show them how it feels to be around someone selfish who only cares about themselves.
It’s time you pay this awful person back for everything they’ve been doing to you. Time to start canceling plans at the last minute, when something more convenient pops up, time to treat them like your last resort, time to stop giving a damn about their feelings, and time to start thinking about yourself. It’s high time you stand up for yourself and show them that you aren’t anyone’s toy.
By simply doing this and nothing else, you’ll probably chase this selfish person out of your life. These people can’t stand being around someone they don’t have any advantage over, so it is likely they’ll flee the moment they see they can’t keep on playing with you.
4. But don’t become like them
However, what is important is not to allow yourself to become the same as this person. Don’t let them drag you into their toxicity and darkness, and don’t lose faith in all humanity just because you’ve had one lousy experience!
5. Loosen ties
If it happens that you treating this selfish person the way they’ve been treating you doesn’t give you any results and doesn’t chase them away, it’s time for your detachment. Of course, it would be ideal for you to go no-contact, but if this is something you don’t have the strength to do overnight, at least try loosening your ties with this person.
Spend as little time as possible with them, stop doing favors for them, and try changing your surroundings. With time, you’ll become strong enough to kick this person out of your life or they’ll walk away by themselves. Either way, you win!