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To Every Girl Who Has Ever Lost Herself To A Narcissistic Man

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Have you ever loved a man so strongly, immensely and naively that you thought you are one lucky girl who found her ‘happily ever after’ in one man? Well, I did. Has it ever happened to you that you loved the wrong guy and strongly believed that he’s the one? Well, it did to me.

After him, things kept slipping through my fingers. After him, happiness was something I just heard stories of. And sadness came to me in waves. Memories would just take turns and I’d be overwhelmed by the emotions they’d bring along.

For a long time, I wondered if I would be able to grasp the meaning of my life again. I wondered if I would ever get back to normal or if I’ll ever be capable of loving again. God knows it was something that love was hundreds of miles away from me. God knows I had almost given up.

I wasn’t always like this. I was one of those happy women that were always grateful for what they had. I was one of those who enjoyed her life, smiled and laughed every day, and I was one of those who’d go to sleep with enthusiasm for the new day.

But dating a narcissist changed me. I wasn’t half the person I used to be after he was done with me. The same enthusiasm I had before we got together in the morning now turned into a fear of getting out of bed. My happiness was replaced with anxiety.

For a long time, I was ashamed of letting him change me. For a long time, I was ashamed of the person I became, but mostly I was ashamed that I allowed him to get the best of me. I should’ve known better.

I trusted him.

He made me trust him. He did everything to convince me he’s got my back and that he’s my person. He made me feel like I could count on him and that he’d do anything for me. He kept making promises and I always waited for those promises to be kept. But they never were. Because he made me trust him just so he could betray me.

He made me feel safe.

For a while, I felt like I could call him for a rescue mission and he’d come any time of the day. For a while, I thought he was my safe heaven—but he was far from that. He made me feel safe just so I would let my guard down. Once I let my guard down, his mission was accomplished because I was absolutely unprotected from his attack. I never saw them coming.

I loved him.

I allowed somebody who had a history of broken relationships to be a part of my life. I gave my heart, body, and soul to a man who had no idea what love was. I loved him with every cell in my body and I gave him my love unconditionally, irrevocably and selflessly and I completely lost myself to him. But only because he convinced me he can be taught to love. But you can’t teach a narcissist to love. It’s just not in his system. Love is just an abstract word he’ll never feel.

I lost myself to a man who was incapable of love.

He made me a prisoner of my love.

Woman holding her hair back in dark room

I stayed with him because I believed it was for love. I always believed in love. I believed humans were created from two bodies and one soul and that I had found my other soul, my other half in him. But, he wasn’t my soulmate.

He was somebody who got the best of me. He was somebody who fed on my misery. He was somebody who needed me to be down so he could feel good about himself. And I let him do that to me because I was naive. I romanticized my suffering and I made myself believe I was a hero fighting love. But all I was was stupid for falling for a narcissist.

I lost myself to a narcissistic person…

I stopped believing I’m worthy and that I deserve to be loved. I lost my confidence. I lost my self-worth. I let his selfishness win and I allowed it to be all about him. I let him blame me for everything and I let him manipulate him. None of this was consensual and yet it happened. I lost myself.

But I found myself again.

I went through a living hell for a man. I was the best version of myself. I gave all in and I held nothing back. I wish I could say I didn’t get anything out of it, but that’s not how the story ended. I got a whole new life lesson out of it.

I might have been a wreck for a while, but I wasn’t going to allow myself to be that for the rest of my life. It’d mean he won and I couldn’t let that happen.

So I picked myself up and I started sewing my ripped pieces one by one. I mended every hole in my heart one by one. I patched every hole in my soul as well. I’d leave my house with my head held high as if what he did to me was nothing.

He walked over me one too many times that I had no choice but to show him the door out of my life.

Because of how he treated me, I thought I wasn’t worthy of love. It took me a while but I realized that I am more than enough—it was him who didn’t deserve to be loved.

April Callaghan
the authorApril Callaghan

15 Comments

  • Love this paragraph as it is so true from a Selfish Individual:
    “He made me trust him. He did everything to convince me he’s got my back and that he’s my person. He made me feel like I could count on him and that he’d do anything for me. He kept making promises and I always waited for those promises to be kept. But they never were. Because he made me trust him just so he could betray me.”

    ☆Find the truth early and often!

    • For all the Girls and women going through the pain of letting go of his love because you are addicted i urge you to Keep crying and praying God is listening to you, i was willing to be given Crumbs of love but just not to feel the pain of letting the venom of a toxic relationship sucked out of me. I would call that process spiritual i was in so much pain that i could feel the pain of my Soul right in the middle of my chest. I kept going back to that man depressed as i was and he would sleep to another room by himself totally demonstrating that he has No interesst in me but would always make sure that he told me he loves me thousand times a day (Manipulation of the highest order)…….Long Story short…..something happened between me and my Son and i was so saddened by his behaviour and that man had nothing to do but cringe with satisfaction and bam! that was it, the Moment the dark skys opened and the sun came out. the crazy love i felt for that man tossed in a dustbin like it never existed in the first place (10 years marriage) i walked away Feeling strong like Samson in the bible. He tried to threaten with suicide and never seeing my Son again blah blah blah……it was over finito, one month later i look at his Pictures he is not even my type am way too beautifull for him (sometimes i got to appreciate myself) YES! I am beautifull from inside out.

  • i lived that too. i stayed fir 25 years for the family unit and because he swore over and over things would be different.. now still feeling the abuse post divorce through continued manipulation… freedom is in the offing,however,
    i can smell it.

  • Some time you give your enemy to much credit. Take share in the blame. I use to be a narciest without knowing i was ,but after i fixed myself and try to clean up my mess. I found OUT WOMAN LOVE the BROKEN MAN PROJECT! Its like those home improvement shows where you think its a small ez fix until you take down THE WALLS and see THE BIG FIX…. well by that time your so much invested you keep moving deeper with hopes of an end in sight….but NOPE none!
    As a former Narciest take it from me….its worth spending the extra time or MONEY in something that dont need fixing. I APOLOGIZE for time lost…..#Cut&Run

  • This is currently happening to me.. I’m devastated.. I feel alone, confused, my mind wanders and my pain is unbearable.. I cry myself to sleep every night.. please help how did you overcome this pain & nightmare! My suffering was both emotional/ verbal & physical… I was once a happy girl and now I don’t even recognize myself!

  • I’m so sorry this is happening to you- I just left an abusive and narcissistic husband. It’s a long hard road back, but with my friends, family, and Higher Power- (God) I am slowly recovering. I would also recommend cojnselong to put things into perspective- you can do it! Start by dispelling all the negativity he’s put in your mind, And one day at a time, doing ‘the next right things’, you can take care of yourself, and put it all behind you- We have to get over the. victim mode, and take charge of our own lives. Because of my being financially dependent on him, I’ve received help from the crime victims program, in which all states have some form of help available. I’ll be praying you find the strength and resources you need to become whole again!

  • It’s kike you’re talking right to me. And to think I was just about to post something about this yesterday. Thank you Kelly for your blogs. They help brings perspective more than you know. I appreciate you!

  • I am going through it right now, I went from the light of the party laughing go out of my way to see people smile and very rarely would I think anger thoughts or depression on how the hell I got here I was and I still am a strong woman. What scares me is not so much that he will cause bodily harm to me but that when he goes there and comes at me I go from 0 to thousand in wanting to rip his eyes out and throat jugular. Then with who and what I was before him kind heart and always wanting to help people that are in need it melts my heart and the charm and promises are layed back on and I feel like a dope fein trying to get that first high as they say chasing the dragon. No I am not a dope fien in fact I dont even drink( this lady has to have her coffee and cig) and my thoughts are he is lucky I dont drink in the past I am pretty out -spoken and loud in a happy way. He is suppose to leave tomorrow and I told him if he doesnt I will have his belongings packed and out on the street. I know from that point on I need to go to counselling to get this rage out of me that he thinks its ok to steal ones sunshine that loved him so unconditionally and he was my first relationship I feel deeply in love with and I am angry that he ruined us as you can see I keep going on that I now want him to pay for what he thinks is ok to do to people. You only get one chance to live how dare he think he can take my one ticket to live a healthy happy life and rob me of love that nurturing and contentment. GOD guide me out of this madness

  • I had to uproot my life and bought a one way plane ticket across the country to get away and even still over one year later he tries to get to me but I’m just learning how to heal slowly but surely. Life is too short to live so miserably. No one should rob you of your happiness. Start planning your escape to happiness.

  • How do you know though?
    I love my boyfriend, but I am miserable.
    Is he narcissistic or am I depressed?
    He lights up whenever he speaks to another good looking female, but seems “blah” while in my company. We do spend a lot of time together.
    He’s omitted inappropriate conversations with other women, also has gone out to talk to another woman about issues he’s having in our relationship. He turned that around on me. He fights with me because I don’t give him enough blow jobs. Is that what grown men actually do? When we argue he’s the one kicking me out of the house or our business, but I never kick him out or threaten to call the cops on him.
    Am I foolish here?

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