Not in a million years could I have imagined falling so deeply for another person until you came into my life. You were everything to me. I would have gone to the ends of the earth just to make you happy. Because happiness consumed me when we first started to date.
Everything we had seemed so surreal, like some kind of a dream I didn’t want to wake up from. As it turns out, it was indeed just a dream, and unfortunately I had no other option but to wake up. And when the reality hit me, it felt like those dreams were history and I’d woken up from my worst nightmare.
That’s what you were to me—the most beautiful dream and the most awful nightmare.
I often heard stories about how people change, how something inside of them is rotten and they are able to conceal it for a long time but at some point, it has to surface. You made me a believer and a storyteller of those horrible stories.
You said you loved me but you never really knew how to love. You loved with a love so toxic it almost killed me from the inside.
I couldn’t see it then but I see it clearly now; you were like a puppet master, pulling every one of the strings. You had all the right words. You knew exactly what to say and how to say it, to get under my skin and to make me do things your way.
Your manipulation skills were way out of my area of expertise, as I had never come across someone like you before. You mixed the good with the bad so skillfully and so naturally that I had no idea what was going on until it was all over.
Nothing was ever your fault; you made me take the blame for the things I knew weren’t my fault. When you would lose your temper and you screamed at me, that was also my fault, I made you do it. I was responsible for getting on every last one of your nerves.
You would scream and shout and make me feel like the smallest, most meaningless being on this planet in one moment and the next, you would make excuses for your behavior and you would sugar-coat everything that happened.
You would say anything rather than admitting that you were the one to blame. Apologizing was never something you were comfortable with. It was always easier for me to give in and to forgive. Until I couldn’t anymore.
Until one day I decided that enough was enough and I had to escape that hell I’d been living with you. I still loved you but I had no option other than to draw the line and put myself first. I forgot how to do that with you. I forgot how to love, respect and treasure myself.
I am rebuilding myself brick by brick, day by day, no matter how much time it takes me. I want to be the best version of myself. I want a normal and healthy relationship when I am ready for one.
I want someone who will shower me with kisses instead of drowning me in tears.
All my feelings belonged to you but it was time they came back to me. It’s my time to be truly happy and I know that you have no place in my life if I want to achieve that.
So, thank you for showing me what I am made of. Thank you for showing me that I am stronger than I ever thought. Because leaving you required the strength I didn’t know I possessed. Thank you for teaching me what love should never be like. Thank you for enabling me to recognize the right thing when it finally crosses my path.
Thank you and goodbye forever. You are no longer part of me or a part of my life and you no longer have a place in my heart.