Ever since you and I met, our relationship was a real emotional roller coaster. When it came to you and me, nothing was ever simple. We always had to make things more difficult and more complicated than they actually had to be.
From the first day, deep down, we knew we weren’t as compatible as we wanted to be. We were very much aware that our relationship had no bright future and that we were simply not meant to be.
But despite that, the love we felt for one another kept us going and it made us fight for each other.
At least, that was what I thought all along.
But now I see that things were actually quite different.
Now I see that I was the only one fighting all along and that I was the only one trying. That I was the only one putting an effort in to save our relationship and I was the only one who thought our love was worthy of every battle and of every bad thing we went through.
Don’t get me wrong—I am not trying to convince you that I was flawless or perfect.
No, I am very well aware that a lot of bad things that happened between us were also my fault. I know that there were times when I should have believed in us more and times when I was wrong.
There are a lot of things I blame myself for but there is only one thing I blame myself for when it comes to you.
I blame myself for allowing you to become my weakness. For allowing my love for you to take complete control over my entire body and mind.
I blame myself for not following my reason, when it was telling me that it was time to leave you and to move on with my life.
But that has come to an end.
You, more than anyone, know how many times I’ve tried to walk away from you. You know how many times I’ve threatened to leave you and to never look back.
This is not something I am proud of but I have to admit there were times when I was doing it just to make you see what you were losing and to scare you.
But there were also times when I really wanted to leave, times when my mind wanted to leave. Times when I knew that leaving was the only option I had and the thing I had to do.
But I still could never do it. At least, I’d never done it for real.
Every time I would leave you, you would convince me to come back. You would do something that would make me regret walking away from you and somehow I was always ready to give our relationship a new chance.
I was convinced that you loved me all along and that this was the reason you weren’t letting me go.
But then I saw you were actually manipulating me all along. I saw that I was convenient for you and that you just enjoyed having someone to love you this much and having someone to boost your ego.
And with time, I became completely weak. You could manipulate me the way you wanted and you became certain that I would never leave you. Even I thought I would never get the courage to do something like that.
That is why I know you won’t take this, what I am about to tell you, seriously. I know you won’t believe me but trust me—I have never been more serious about anything in my life.
I am really leaving you this time, without any intention of ever looking back.
I am not doing it to make you chase me. I am not doing it to get your attention or to get you to beg me to stay. I am not doing it to test your love for me or to see if you’ll let me go.
I am not doing it out of temporary anger. Because for the first time ever, I am not angry at you. Yes, I am disappointed and hurt but this is anything but an impulsive decision.
I am not doing it to prove a point. I am not doing it to make you see that I am the girl for you or for you to see that nobody will ever love you the way I did. I am not doing it to prove to both of us that you can’t live without me.
Because none of this matters anymore now.
I am giving up on you simply because I can’t take it anymore. I am leaving you because I am not happy around you anymore. And I want to be happy more than anything.