You got married to a girl who seemed like a perfect match for you. You loved her with all your heart and she really seemed as if she was in love with you too!
But lately, you’ve started to seriously doubt her sexual orientation. So… What happened?
As embarrassing is it is to even think to yourself ”My lesbian wife is in love with another woman… What do I do?’‘, it’s a brutal reality many men face.
I strongly encourage you to keep reading and find out all the telltale signs that point out that your wife is a closet lesbian.
It sucks to think that only last year you were planning a beautiful ceremony with your future wife, and now, you’re struggling with thoughts like ”My wife’s a lesbian, how could I not see the signs?”
Sometimes, people who identify as queers just aren’t ready to admit it to themselves, let alone anyone else.
To come out, it takes a lot of courage, and as a lesbian in the closet, your wife was probably just trying to figure it all out.
I’m sure it wasn’t her intention to hurt you by having a lesbian lover (who just happens to be her best friend) but a person’s sexuality is a very complex issue and some people just take longer to realize their true selves.
How To Deal With My Lesbian Wife?
First, you need to be sure that your wife is indeed a member of the LGBT community.
Even if you’ve known her since high school, there are things people keep hidden until they’re ready to share them with the world.
For the sake of full transparency, my first boyfriend turned out to be gay as well.
We’d been together for quite some time and not until I saw suspicious things on his Facebook page and our sex life became an issue did I start seeing the signs.
It’s confusing, painful, and draining. As much as you want to understand it and be okay with it, you’re just so mad and heartbroken, and I want you to know that’s perfectly okay.
Nobody teaches you how to deal with these things. There’s no rulebook on how to deal with such intimate and complex issues.
But what matters is that you know this is not a decision your wife made to hurt you.
If the situation at home used to be ideal, believe that it was truly the case.
People who hide their true sexual orientation are confused and ashamed, which propels them to live a life they so deeply want to be true. But it’s not.
Everybody has the right to be their authentic selves, no matter how difficult it is to accept and embrace it.
If you have suspicions that your wife could be gay, the signs below will help you clear it up.
Whatever you find out, please be kind and respectful. As painful as this is for you, can you even imagine what it’s like for your wife?
10 Telltale Signs Your Wife Is Gay
These signs will uncover the truth about your wife and help you figure out your next move.
I hope this brings you some clarification and peace, whatever the outcome is.
Instead of wondering why she didn’t tell you this before she married you, focus on helping her navigate this new reality.
1. She’s the decision-maker in your relationship
While this all on its own isn’t a reason enough to panic, it’s still one of many elements a lesbian wife would possess.
Is she assertive and strong-minded? Does she make all the big decisions?
Be honest… who wears the pants in your relationship? If your wife’s indeed a closet lesbian, she probably tends to do things her way (or no way).
She doesn’t easily let you have any control nor does she fully trust your judgment.
Ultimately, she simply does not take no for an answer, and oftentimes, you wonder what your role in your marriage is.
If this is so, keep reading, as you’ll likely recognize yourself in plenty more of these signs.
2. She doesn’t care about being girly
Your wife probably isn’t one to take up the bathroom for two hours while getting all dolled up for a night out.
She’s much more chill. At home, she usually wears comfy sweats and when you go out, she takes ten minutes to get ready.
She’s a girl, but she doesn’t really act girly at all. Most of the girls you know are obsessed with their looks, but not her.
Even back in high school, she could never be bothered with these feminine things, it was never her style.
And when you think about it, that was your first sign (but back then, it was the farthest thing from your mind).
I hope as you’re reading this now, things are finally starting to make sense and you see that this is something your wife has been carrying for a long, long time.
3. She likes to wear her hair short and messy
Again, all by itself, it’s not a major concern, but mixed with all the other signs, you’ve got a reason to be alarmed.
Your wife was never a fan of long hair. She never really had it nor does she feel like maintaining it.
It’s too much of a hassle. Short hair is her thing!
Bieber style has always been really popular with queers.
If your wife has sported this do at any point in your marriage (maybe even now?) I’m sorry to say, but it’s very likely she’s not straight, as much as you want her to be.
But hey, it’s better to see the signs now, before things go too far and everything becomes even more complex.
4. Her body language is a dead giveaway
A person’s body language will tell you more about them than words ever will.
Even before you got married, she was never one to be delicate and gentle. She sat the way she wanted to and ate with no shame about who’s looking.
She doesn’t politely cross her legs when you’re out and she’s always been a bit masculine when it comes to her movements.
The thing is, this used to be what drew you to her.
You used to love that she was like one of the boys by jokingly punching your arm and preferring boyish topics to anything girly-like.
That meant you could talk to her about all the things you were into.
But now, you’re starting to see that these were all huge red flags you’re only now starting to see for what they really are.
5. She’s not into chick flicks
Again, you used to love this about her! Every other girl you went out with used to make you sit through the most unbearably cheesy movies that made you cringe. But not your wife!
She dislikes them even more than you do (if possible). She can’t stand watching all those unrealistic romantic movie moments in the rain and seeing people embrace each other despite all odds.
She’s much more into action thrillers and laugh-out-loud comedies.
While this made for really fun date nights for you, it’s also a sign that you should worry about who you married.
It might be fun in this regard, but it’s time to burst your bubble and come back to reality.
If you can’t even make her watch one moderately cheesy movie on Netflix, isn’t it time to start questioning things?
6. She can’t stand the thought of having a mani-pedi
Lesbians aren’t as interested in having nail art as straight people are.
They just don’t give a shit about having decorated, long nails. It’s annoying and unnecessary.
She may have fooled you by saying that she can’t have long nails (as much as she ”wants to”) because they’re inconvenient for her work, the truth is something completely different.
Short nails are much more suitable for lesbians (you can imagine why) and they simply aren’t as bothered with having the most artistic nails (especially not on their feet). Who has time for that?
7. She’s always been one of the boys
Upon seeing all these signs, I bet you’re wondering how the hell you didn’t connect the dots before, right?
Well, sometimes it takes some time before you actually want to see the signs.
Chances are, you’ve probably wondered about these things before, but you just never allowed yourself to give it any serious thought.
But yeah, your wife has always been one of the boys. She was never the girliest person, her laugh was always loud and weird, and she never cared about dressing to the nines.
She has always been more comfortable hanging around a group of dudes, which was a breath of fresh air when you were dating.
But now, it’s all starting to become way too real.
8. She told you about experimenting in college
But everyone does that, right? Moreover, the thought of her getting it on with another woman made you horny AF!
It was so hot imagining your wife kissing other girls. You never thought of it as a sign of anything before.
But now, as you take a walk down memory lane, you see that it was all right there in front of you. You just wanted to ignore it.
This is your girl, your rock, and your partner in crime. And she is not who you thought she was.
But why would she marry you if she knew she was gay?
That’s the thing. She didn’t really know it. People experiment and over time, they start realizing who they really are.
Your wife just took a bit longer to allow herself to live her authentic self.
9. She loves to be flirty with other women
But you thought that every girl is like that. It must be some sort of girl code, right?
Women supporting women, and you loved that your wife was all about girl power.
She would often lock eyes with other girls in clubs (so hot, right).
She always compliments her female friends on their looks (she’s such a good friend).
She never notices hot guys walking by, but there isn’t a hot girl that doesn’t catch her attention (and you often join her!)
All those things that made you think you had the coolest, most understanding, girl-empowering wife are actually signs of a deeply hidden secret she simply wasn’t ready to dig out.
10. Your sex life has become stale
And now you know why, right? If anything, at least you know it’s not you!
I know this doesn’t make you feel better, but it’s better to be faced with the truth than to keep hoping it’ll work out (which it really won’t).
Your wife is a lesbian. This is going to take some serious getting used to, so don’t feel bad for needing time to gather your thoughts.
Choose the best time to talk to your wife and try to be respectful in asking for answers.
You may have figured it all out, but perhaps she still needs time to come to grips with her reality.
She’s the one who married someone outside her sexual orientation. If you’re in pain, she’s probably devastated.
It’s up to you what happens next. Be kind and gentle, and give her the time and respect she deserves.
She may be gay, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s got nothing but love for you.
See also: 15 Top Female-To-Female Attraction Signs
There is no good time to discover your partner is gay. There is no right or wrong way to feel about this.
There’s just the brutal reality and coping with this unimaginable situation.
Your wife is still your wife. She may not be in love with you romantically, but she still loves you deeply.
Remember that before you do or say something you might regret.
You love this person and there’s a reason why you married her. Give her a chance to tell you her side of the story, and at her own pace.
One day, you’ll be glad you did it the right way.
Right now, it hurts like hell and your life feels like a total sham.
But sometime down the line, I promise things will look up again, and eventually, you’ll find your happily-ever-after.
After every storm, there is a rainbow! (And in your situation, in more ways than one.)