Amongst the first words we’re taught to speak are ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ and people remember to say hello when they enter your life, but they somehow forget to say goodbye on their way out.
Do you know what happens when someone leaves your life without saying goodbye? Well, if you’ve ever been left this way, then you’ll know.
When someone leaves without a goodbye, you’re bound to get broken.
Maybe the leaving part doesn’t even hurt as much as knowing that someone doesn’t want to be with you anymore and that they didn’t have the decency to say what went wrong to your face.
And then you’re left your whole life wondering what went wrong.
When people first enter your life, they greet you with a very confident hello.
Their hello is so strong and so breathtaking and it makes the impression that this person came to stay.
Through the whole time you spend together, they make sure you’re convinced how pure their love is and that they will do anything for you.
And then, when it occurs to them that the time to end the story has come, they leave without a word. They leave like the biggest cowards that they are.
People who leave without a word are the biggest cowards in this world.
When someone walks out of your life without a word, especially if that someone was a person who promised to stay, you can’t help but wonder what went wrong.
When someone leaves you without giving you a proper goodbye, even though you know better, you stay there waiting for closure.
You stay there with a handful of questions that will never be answered.
And nothing haunts us more than the questions we have that we can’t get answers to.
When people leave without a word, they keep waiting for closure and keep hoping that one day the explanation as to why things ended will find its way to them.
But the worst part of it is these two questions: “Can I move on?” and “What if he comes back?”
“Can I move on?” – You’re left wondering if you’re allowed to continue with your life.
You don’t want to be the bad one in this story, you don’t want to let the love go so easily and you don’t want to be the one who ended it, because moving on would mean you’ve made your peace with not having him and you don’t feel ready for that just yet.
“But what if he comes back?” – The moment someone new walks into your life, you wonder if it’s the right thing to engage in a new story when the old one didn’t end.
There is a possibility that he might come back and what then? So you pull back instantly.
You feel like you’re the cheater in the story because the end was never said out loud.
And you miss him so much because you’re waiting for someone who moved on the moment he left your life.
The old story ended a long time ago, regardless of whether you got your last goodbye or not.
To him it ended, it’s you who keeps dragging behind and not giving yourself a chance to move on.
You didn’t get the closure you needed and you’re left hanging. It’s ugly and it hurts and it’s full of insecurities and you didn’t deserve to be left without a goodbye, but you can’t change it.
You shouldn’t be hitting the wall hoping the door to your closure will appear all of a sudden.
If he had the courage to say hello to you, he should’ve had the courage to say goodbye as well.
You don’t show courage by jumping off a cliff or driving a car at the maximum speed.
You show courage by looking the person you promised love to straight in the eye and saying whatever it is that you have to say. You look the person in the eye and you say you’re leaving.
You explain why things are not working out and you make sure you’re firm in your decision. You don’t send mixed signals.
There is no getting back together, there are no ‘what ifs’, there is no giving false hope that maybe the tables might turn in the future.
You gather the courage to walk away decently and to give a decent closure to the story. Everything else is just chicken-delivered.
So, when a man is a coward, when he leaves without a single word, when he can’t give you what you need, be the bigger person than him. Instead of being afraid to move on, instead of following the path that coward, the one who left without a word, trumped for you, be the one to give the final closure to the story.
Instead of being afraid to move on, instead of waiting, accept that the things between you two are over.
Instead of running away from accepting the truth, be the brave one in this story and allow yourself to not wait anymore.
Be the one who says goodbye for both of you and move on with your life.
It will be the best revenge for the one who left without a word and it will be the best thing you have ever done for yourself.
It happened to me yesterday, 16 August 2018. My class mate whose always spend time together during the class and break time . We talk to each other a lot, we felt that we’re attached to each other. He left me without any word yesterday . I was so shocked why he did that to me . It’s really hurt me a lot. Leaving without proper goodbye or let least letting me know that he is leaving . My heart so painful, I care so much for him but what I got from him, he left me behind. 🙁 🙁
Thank you for your post. My boyfriend and I dated for 8 1/2 years (we met in college). Like any relationship , we had our ups and downs. I felt that during the last four years of our relationship, we grew closer. We talked about a future together.
A week before he threw his disappearing act, he told me he wanted us to open a joint bank account to save for our wedding. He left on vacation with his good friend and never called me when he got back. A month later, he was seen with another woman who became his wife.
It’s painful when there is no closure. Its been a while now and it’s still a bit painful, but it’s nice to read your encouraging posts.
I found my childhood crush on FB, I thought I finally found my soulmate after 40 years of not seeing him. We really got along and I thought we were in love with each other. He had problems with his kids and I had my autistic boy put into a group home. My 2 older kids are on their own. So problems with his kids kept escalating. Whenever we were together, which was twice a week, they would call for whatever reason and then he would leave. I’ve always tried to be understanding and let him leave. I offered help he never accepted it. I thought we were partners because he helped me in many ways and I just wanted to do the same for him. In April 2017 my kids bought me a ticket to go to Mexico. We had gotten into a misunderstanding before I left. I tried to communicate with him while I was over there but then we decided when I returned we would talk. When I returned, he would not answer my calls or emails. I thought we were stronger than that but apparently he wasn’t man enough to tell me good bye. I still think about him and miss him.
Thankyou for your post. We had a fight my fiance and I. I figured he’s go to his cousins a couple days a day max and then talk to me instead he checked himself into rehab. Months later again but without telling me waiting on detox 5 days to end. He told his mom tell her I’ll call her. Every feeling in my body is sharp pains. The silence kills me. Going to work all day and coming back to our new unboxed apartment and 2 cats it’s just like where are you. He’s my life.
Hello all!
Nia, Michelle and DHV,i can totally feel and understand how you are all feeling. Although our stories may be different, it all boils down to these guys leaving without a word. It hurts so bad. Plus, it gets to your self esteem as well. I will try to tell my story in a short possible way.
I had a bf of three months who just decided to stop talking to me, this all happened just last June18. I didn’t like him at the beginning but then I saw the good in him and trusted all the words he said about him being a good man so if I am looking for a long term relationship then he is the one, how he cannot take another break-up so he is looking for a serious one (he is divorced long time ago as in about 20years), how he believed in Karma and that he is a conscientious man. All these made me believe him and like him more. He drinks a lot thought. I on the other hand don’t drink at all. when he is drunk and forgets about meet ups or calling me, I get upset, as I feel like it was affecting the relationship. He tried to control and even ask for my permission to drink when we are together or on video call (I never told him to ask for my permission or tell me anything when he is drinking–I just told him to control it). With regards to leaving without goodbye, we just randomly sharing our deepest thoughts about relationships, we agreed that if that time comes when we don’t want to stay in the relationship, we have to say it and not just leave. He agreed and said that leaving without a goodbye is such a bad thing.
So came June 18, the 2nd day that I didn’t hear from him. I tried to call him but no answer (although I knew that he was already up and about because our phone then was link so we can see our step count), then after a while he called back. He just sounded like nothing happened like he didn’t ignore me the day before and asked me how I was. I just replied in a monotone saying I was ok. Then he inserted saying that he didn’t answer the phone because it was on silent and that he was feeling awful because he had drank a lot the night before–Hang over as he said. I said ok. and then he was gonna do something so he said he will call me back to see what I am doing later that evening. He would usually call back. But that was it, nothing. It was weird, because a few nights ago he was still saying how amazing I was, all those sweet words, and then telling me how much he miss me and that could mean something. All these words just a few days before he disappeared!
I tried sending him messages. not angry ones, but saying that if we are ending the relationship we should at least talk and have a closure. Nothing from him. Silence like he just vanished. My last message was to tell him I respect his decision and that I am moving on with life. Later on, I heard from his friend that he said he just feel tired of feeling like a teenager-I suppose this is about the drinking thing that I get upset about. That’s it. relationship over.
It still haunts me and makes me cry. It is not easy. but day by day, I can feel strength and peace coming into me. I thank my family, friends and websites like this for the support. Most importantly, thanks to God for always giving us hope. With His great power, we will heal and learn to love again.
The same thing happened to me July 1st 2018 I knew we had issues but I didn’t know this was coming. I did end up finding out about drug use on his part but it still hurts to be so disrespected by the man who said he loves you and will never leave you. These type of people only prove what cowards they really are. With God it’ll get easier. Good luck
Nia, you are not alone.
Keep your head up, Hun.
My Husband, my soul mate, my everything just up and abandoned me… Sunday, July 1st, 2018 to be exact, exactly one day before his birthday. No reason, no explanation, etc. It hurts like hell ! ????????
Time heals all wounds and with God all things are possible. Remember that and take care. ????
Nia. I just had this happen to me last Saturday the 18 my boyfriend of 10 years gets off at work at 11:30 pm came home looked at me and walked right back out the door. I haven’t seen or hear from him since. :/ I guess 10 years was nothing. He left me stranded because I didn’t have a job only he did and the day he left was on his pay day. I pray for you because I’m dealing with the same hurt.
I recently had a boyfriend of 10+ years leave me exactly the way you wrote this article. I have never have been so devastated in my life to come home to a half empty apartment. I should be furious that someone who supposedly loved me could treat me with so little respect. Instead I am heart broken, left without closure, and forced to start my life over again. Thank you for shedding light that it is completely natural for me to be going through this grieving process.