I still remember that feeling of complete despair when you walked away.
I thought I was going to die from crying on that first night. I was sobbing, and I couldn’t catch my breath.
You did more than just break my heart; you broke my soul.
You turned your back on everything that we had built. You gave up on us, and I couldn’t make my peace with that.
At that time, I thought I had lost the love of my life, my one and only, and I would spend the rest of my days deprived of true love.
I was wrong, of course, but I couldn’t grasp that at the time.
Losing you made me physically ill. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t breathe properly. I felt like I was slowly sinking into depression.
I was living my life in slow motion, and I thought it would go on forever. I couldn’t believe what had happened.
It made no sense to me. I was stuck in reliving that moment and all those memories we shared day after day.
I just wanted you close. I wanted you to hug me, kiss me, and tell me everything will be alright.
But you were never that guy, were you?
You never knew how to comfort me and make me feel calm.
You never knew how to do that or you never wanted to do that—I don’t know anymore.
I guess it took me more than a year to start pulling myself out of the deep pain I had fallen into.
I was finally healing. I finally lifted the blindfold I had on during our entire relationship.
I used to look at you with my eyes full of love. That’s why I never saw you clearly. I never saw the real you.
You weren’t as perfect as I made you out to be.
You were so wrong for me, but I couldn’t admit it to myself.
You were never my forever person; you were never the one. I know that now.
I know that you walking out on me was the best thing that could ever have happened.
You covered all the bad things you’d done with beautiful ones, so I would forgive quickly and forget even quicker.
You stopped making efforts as soon as you realized I was head-over-heels for you.
Everything was more important than me, and I always came last. I was never your number one.
Calling off our plans at the last minute, forgetting to text, forgetting to call, forgetting all about me were parts of your usual routine.
Sure there were days when you would shower me with love, affection, and attention, but those days were rare.
You would chase me when you sensed that I was on the brink of giving up.
You messed with my mind and my feelings all along, and I was so clueless.
I still can’t believe how clueless I was. I basically allowed you to get away with treating me badly.
Do you remember all the patronizing stories of how you knew what’s best for me and all those times you made me feel small and insignificant?
You knew how to push my buttons, and you would always bring up the things that bothered me or made me feel self-conscious.
Whenever I confronted you, you would turn the tables on me, and I would end up apologizing for the things I hadn’t done.
Whenever I said I expected certain things from you or asked you to give me your support, you would say I was needy.
Then you would apologize, kiss the wounds you yourself inflicted on my heart, did your best to prove to me that you care, and before I could fully enjoy the sudden bliss, we were falling apart again.
With all that said, with the clear picture of you and your behavior before my eyes, I can honestly say that you walking out of my life was the best thing you could ever have done for me.
If you hadn’t, I would still be stuck in that vicious circle of emotional abuse I was not even aware of. It took my completely falling apart to build myself up again.
I am happy now. Happier than I’ve ever been. Thank you for that.
In the end, all I can say is our story wasn’t all in vain. It served its purpose, and now all that’s left to say about you and what we once had is:
Once upon a time, I thought you were the love of my life.
Now you are just a stranger, a distant memory, a valuable lesson that only serves to remind me not to repeat the same mistake ever again.
