A lot of people will tell you that you need to have real memories with someone so you could miss them.
They will tell you that you need to share a life with someone so you can feel their absence and so you can suffer for them. They will tell you can’t lose someone you never had.
And here you are, suffering for the guy you were never actually in a relationship with.
Whether this is just someone you were madly in love or someone you had some kind of almost relationship with, no strings attached, or someone you were friends with benefits with—the point is that you two were never exclusive and you never labeled things. But despite that, you know you miss him like hell.
You feel like someone has ripped a part of your chest out and you feel like your heart has literally been broken. You can’t breathe knowing that you never had him and that you never will and you can’t sleep knowing that the next day will give you the same pain all over again.
So you ask yourself if you are crazy. What is going on with you? How come you can miss someone you never had and someone who was never yours?
You keep telling yourself that you don’t have any memories with this guy, you don’t have anything to hold on to. You keep telling yourself that you are overreacting and that this pain is not something you should be feeling.
You keep telling yourself you are a mature woman and that he is anything but worthy of this amount of suffering. You even feel embarrassed for allowing yourself to feel this much pain for someone you never dated.
You are ashamed to share your thoughts and feelings with anyone around you and you even try to hide them from yourself. You think that this pain will go away if you run away from it long enough.
But time has passed by and nothing has changed. You’ve tried everything but it appears that this pain only gets stronger and stronger with every day that passes by.
And none of these things you keep telling yourself help you. Although your mind is telling you all of this, your heart has its own way.
No matter how hard you try to fight it, you know that this pain is real and you simply don’t know what to do about it.
Well, let me tell you that there is nothing to be ashamed of. And let me tell you that you are certainly not crazy. Because you can suffer for someone who was never yours.
And you can miss someone you never had. Although there is no scale or measurement for the amount of pain someone is feeling, it is possible to miss someone you were never with more than someone you’ve had.
It’s not that you only suffer for that person. You suffer for all the hopes and dreams you had about him that are now sadly shattered. You suffer for all the ‘what ifs’ and ‘could have beens’.
You miss everything you guys didn’t share—every memory he wasn’t a part of and your entire future he won’t be in.
You suffer because you don’t have any pictures of the two of you together, because there don’t exist any songs that will remind him of you, because there don’t exist any places in which you two were together.
But most of all, you suffer because you two never had a chance together. It would have been easier for you if he had just given you a chance, if you could have just seen how it felt to have him in your life.
It would have been easier for you to know that the two of you were not meant to be or to know that things simply couldn’t work out between you two. It would have been easier for you if one of you guys grew tired of each other, if you could have seen each other’s flaws and imperfections.
But this way, you know you have to move on without the closure you want so much because you never got the beginning in the first place. And that is what hurts you the most.