I know we haven’t met yet, but I want to use this letter to apologize in advance. I want to say I am sorry. And I hope after reading this, one day you will understand.
I know we will start something amazing and I know one of us is going to have to let go at some point. It’s not pessimism, but it’s my prior bad experiences that have led me to predict this will happen.
Don’t ever think you weren’t enough. You were. But you met me when I wasn’t enough, not even for myself. The last relationship made me tired, so tired of feeling. Now I am half of the women that I used to be. And I am waiting for you to save me from me.
I know that’s not fair. I know that I am the one who should be saving myself. I know I will hurt you because I don’t have anything else left to give you. I know…and I am sorry.
You deserved better than being my temporary superhero. But, that’s what I need right now—someone to save me from myself, to show me that love can be kind.
I missed all the good parts of a relationship. I missed somebody to take care of me when I am too tired to take care of myself. I missed somebody to hold me tight and make my problems seem smaller than they are. I know you will do that for me.
I know it’s not fair for you to pay for all the bad things that happened in my past relationships. I don’t want to take it out on you. I don’t want all my insecurities reflected on your skin, but it will happen. Cause I don’t know how to survive any other way.
There is a slight chance you will tolerate and support me long enough and make me feel again. To make me pick myself back up again because you can’t do it for me. I have to be my own hero. There’s no other way. I have to find the way to stand alone so I could stand with you.
That would be my biggest wish. I hope it comes true.
If it doesn’t, please forgive me.
I know it’s not fair. I know…and I am sorry.