Self-betrayal is an incredibly damaging habit that ultimately decides how much inner peace you end up having.
You’ve probably never considered the incredibly high-cost of the act of self-betrayal. That’s why I’m about to show you all the ways in which you’re unintentionally causing yourself distress.
Have you ever felt like your decision to play small for others often ends up plaguing you with feelings of unworthiness?
Has your self-deception game ever been so strong that you ended up going against yourself to the point of wanting to give up?
Do you ever hide your true self out of a fear that it simply isn’t good enough?
If you’ve nodded your head in disbelief reading these, then the rest of this article is for you.
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How Is Your Betrayal Of Self Depriving You Of Self-Love?
I’ve betrayed myself so many times that I am deeply ashamed just reminiscing about it. I used to be so unkind and cruel toward myself that it stopped me from living an authentic life, which I know I deserved.
We, as human beings, have this weird tendency to go against ourselves at times when it feels like we’re unworthy. And our self-esteem often suffers greatly for it.
Have you ever experienced a gut-wrenching self-betrayal by someone so close to you? And can you remember the excruciating feeling it left in your chest?
With that in mind, consider an even bigger form of betrayal, one you often implement in your life unknowingly; the betrayal of self.
However, how do you know you’re betraying yourself? Simple; by not being your true, raw, authentic self. By feeling the need to put on a mask in front of others and seldom taking it off.
This leads to ultimate despair and a life-crushing sadness that plagues your mind, body and soul. And this is the perfect time to present you with one of my all-time favorite quotes:
”The most common form of despair is not being who you are.” – Søren Kierkegaard
By not being your true self, you start to feel unlovable, desperate and broken and most of all—abandoned.
But the person who has abandoned yourself is none other than you. The person who is depriving you of self-love is you.
Your constant self-sabotage is leading you further and further away from the fulfilled, healthy life you’re meant to be leading.
With time, you have started to diminish your own personal power that is stifling your growth and emotional intelligence and your ability to love.
Isn’t it high time to weed out this bad habit and start practicing self-care?
Consider this the wake-up call you desperately needed that is begging you to start taking accountability for your actions.
But in order to overcome this, you must come face-to-face with the repercussions it leaves you with.
So, in what ways does self-betrayal cost you your inner peace and harmony?
See also: My Soul Is Tired: Recognize The Signs Of A Tired Soul And Fix It
This Is How You’re Unknowingly Hurting Yourself
Unhealthy comparisons lead to unattainable expectations
It’s time for brutal honesty right now. How many times has your need for comparisons led to anything happy and fulfilling?
And how many times have you realized that no matter how much you yearn to be someone else, it’s just not possible? Because there will always be someone smarter, stronger or more attractive than you.
Those are just facts. And you need to be faced with them in order to realize the damage you’re doing to yourself by constant comparisons.
There is no such thing as the perfect individual who checks all of the boxes everyone aspires to attain!
Don’t let the media and the unhealthy standards of the beauty world deceive you into believing you’re not great just the way you are.
Don’t you know that they make money off that? The more insecure and anxiety-ridden you are, the more profit they gain. They prey on our shortcomings.
Think about it. Their entire premise is that if you buy a particular product, it’s going to make you more appealing/attractive/skinny, so you end up buying it.
But all it leaves you with is the sad realization that no product on the market will work because there’s nothing actually wrong with you. It’s all in your head.
Silence the inner critic that is constantly barraging you with negative thoughts and resist the self-betrayal you engage in ever so often.
You are perfectly unique in this world and no human being will ever be as gifted, strong or perceptive as you. There are no two people completely alike and that should be lauded.
The challenges you have had to overcome in life and the obstacles that kept blocking your journey have all made you better for it.
Don’t throw it all in the dust just because some magazine tells you that you need to change any aspect of yourself. Don’t let them convince you that you need improvement just to advance their own goal.
You don’t! And the only person you need to convince of that is yourself.
Putting on a mask prevents you from living an authentic life
Sometimes, we get so invested in putting on a show for others that it slips our mind how far our self-deception has gone.
And then, it becomes increasingly hard to realize how much our desire to please others prevents us from being authentic.
Here’s what I’m talking about.
One of my close friends has always had this incredible zest for pursuing her dream of being an artist. It’s what makes her want to get up each morning with a smile on her face.
However, her family has a dental practice and they always fully expected her to follow in their footsteps. Only this meant that she had to give up on her dreams and please her parents while suffering on the inside.
She chose to be miserable and unhappy, just so that she could make her parents’ wishes come true. But at what cost?
Today, she lives a life with a fake smile on her face because she shies away from confrontation. And all it brings her is misery, jadedness and utter unfulfillment.
She chose to be untrue to her authentic self to please third parties. And that is one of the biggest acts of self-betrayal.
We weren’t put on this earth to be anyone’s puppet. Our life mission isn’t to fit anyone’s mold but our own.
By hiding your true self (every single flaw, shortcoming, mistake, etc.) you are putting it out into the universe that you’re not proud of who you are.
You are subconsciously claiming that you aren’t important enough to go after what YOU desire and that putting others’ expectations over your own is how it needs to be.
But it doesn’t. We live in a world filled with imperfect people who are all just trying to get by. Nobody has it all and nobody ever will.
But that doesn’t mean that you should stop putting your needs first. Be proud of every single desire, ambition and dream you have. Surround yourself with people who do the same.
Create a community of people pushing each other to be the best they can be without sacrificing any parts of themselves. Your dreams matter.
See also: Inappropriate Friendships When Married: Are They ‘Just Friends’?
Looking for a partner to complete you makes you feel unworthy on your own
We’ve all been programmed to seek the ‘perfect mate’ in order to achieve the ultimate goal of feeling complete.
The media constantly imposes these insane beliefs, saying if you’re single at a certain age, you’ve missed your boat and if you’re childless well into your 30s, your life doesn’t have a true purpose.
Society can be cruel sometimes but for as long as you understand that the most important relationship of your life is with yourself, you’re going to be okay.
Many of us choose relationships that don’t fulfill us out of a fear of being on our own. We don’t want to be subject to others’ opinions, which is why we often choose to settle.
No, finding the ‘’one’ isn’t your one and only purpose in life. And yes, you absolutely CAN feel complete and fulfilled all on your own.
The entire concept of a ‘better half’ has set us all up for failure. It defies the whole purpose of life—to find happiness within, regardless of how anyone feels about it.
Being single can be challenging and quite lonely. But isn’t it better to be single and happy than in the wrong relationship and secretly miserable?
For the sake of yourself, resist the unhealthy urge to get in a relationship to feel fixed. Guess what? Nobody is here to compensate for your shortcomings.
And you will never have a high-quality relationship with yourself until you realize that you are your first priority. Always.
Once you feel at peace on your own, you can look for others to add to your happiness.
You are whole on your own and you have the ability to make yourself happy. Allow yourself to be single long enough to understand that no other human being can complete you.
They can be part of your joy but you will always be a little bit messed up until you can wake up with a smile on your face even when you’re single but thriving.
Yearning for the future leaves you missing out in the present
I’ll be the first to admit that I have a toxic tendency to never be fully present in the moment. Somehow, I always feel like the future has something better in store and that therein lies my happiness.
But all that leaves me with is being robbed of the present moment. Think about it.
This moment in time is all we have right now. You can’t change the course of past events and who knows what the future holds.
It’s a form of self-betrayal when you keep postponing your happiness due to a belief that tomorrow might be better. Sure, it might be but what if it isn’t?
What if tomorrow brings a new set of misfortunes that will leave you even more unhappy than you currently are?
Don’t let this rob you of living right here, right now. You must be present for every single moment because you never know when your last one could be.
And the same goes for your past. We’ve all had our fair share of bad experiences and toxic relationships that have changed us in many ways.
But that is no reason to deny yourself the happiness of enjoying each and every day that is ahead of you.
Show your past who’s boss by kicking life’s ass in the present. Don’t let negative experiences stop you from going after what you want.
Embrace life for what it is and take every chance you get to surround yourself with beauty in all shapes and forms. You must be kinder to yourself and stop letting self-betrayal diminish all your glory and power.
No matter what you may have been told, you deserve to lead your life exactly the way you want it. Choosing to see the past as a valuable teacher and being hopeful for what lies ahead is the way to go!
At the end of the day, all we have is now. If you don’t take advantage of current opportunities by having your head in the past or the future, you’ll miss out on some great things.
Choose to be present and remain focused on what’s happening today. You’ve learned from past mistakes and the future hasn’t even happened yet.
Just breathe. It’s all going to be okay.
See also: Accept People For Who They Are Instead Of Trying To Change Them
How To Overcome The Habit Of Self-Betrayal
- Support yourself and your cause. Whatever it is that you aspire to achieve, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. For as long as you’re not hurting anyone, follow your own path to happiness and forego self-betrayal.
- Stop apologizing for just being yourself. Nobody is perfect and nobody gets to tell you off for being authentic and real. Not everyone will like you but not everyone belongs by your side either.
- Be your own best friend for once. Once you stop putting everyone’s needs ahead of your own, you’ll see the importance of this. Being kind to others is merely an extension of being kind to yourself.
- Stop with the comparisons and just be yourself. Instead of looking for your flaws, choose to see all of your admirable qualities! There are so many, you’ve just been focused on the bad for too long.
- Be equally happy single or taken! You are ENOUGH. Whether you’re single or with a partner, being complete is about being happy on your own. A partner should only add to that happiness.
See also: Powerful Ways To Increase Self-Love And Stop Feeling Unwanted