We all have to deal with rejection. It can happen in our early childhood, on the playground, in school, or much later in life in our romantic relationships.
Feeling unwanted follows some people wherever they go. There’s nothing as hard as having to deal with the feeling of not being good enough, worthy of love, or at all important in this world.
This article will deal with the struggle of feeling unwanted, leading you through the process of reinventing yourself in these terms and finding new happiness.
The Everyday Struggle Of Feeling Unwanted
Why am I not enough? Why don’t I matter?
These painful questions are racing through your mind. You feel your chest tighten and your body ache and it’s like all you need to do to release all this sorrow is cry, but you can’t.
In your mind, there’s only one sad answer to those questions. I AM NOT WORTH IT.
I know the heartache of constantly feeling unwanted and unloved. I’ve been there.
The pain you feel threatens to tear you apart. The anger and disgust you feel cloud your judgment, leaving you blind to everything good and beautiful around you.
Feeling like you aren’t worth it, feeling like you’re a second-best, will mess with your head, I mean it.
These are the worst feelings a human being can have, thinking you aren’t worth choosing, you don’t matter, you’re unimportant.
Having felt like that myself, I’ve moved through many different emotional states. I was depressed, indifferent, angry, and finally I found myself at rock bottom – feeling nothing for myself but pity.
You can’t go anywhere from there but up, and that’s exactly what I did. I decided I needed to become stronger, I needed to learn to love myself and help my self-esteem.
There’s a time for everything in life, and this was my time to finally put ME first.
Feeling lonely and unloved has a lot to do with how other people treat you. Other people’s mistreatment of you is usually the trigger to this kind of feeling.
We all know that, but there’s something new I’ve learned. Being unloved by some people and feeling unlovable in general don’t have to be connected.
We can all learn to break free from the toxicity certain relationships bring to our life.
I’m not here to tell you what to do, I’m here to help you reach your own conclusion by guiding you through the process of increasing your self-esteem and finally feeling lovable and important.
So, how do you deal with feeling unwanted? The first thing to do is get to the root cause of the way you feel.
Questions you should ask yourself before you start dealing with feeling unwanted:
– What is it I want to be acknowledged for in order to finally feel accepted?
-Why is this important to me, what does it mean to me?
-In what way do I want to be recognized?
-What are the ways I can acknowledge and appreciate myself?
-How does my life change if I get the recognition I’m seeking?
-How does that recognition change my relationships?
These questions will help you dig deeper into your own mind and soul and reach that place where you’re hiding your true emotions.
Think carefully about each of these questions and try to give yourself some answers.
The answers you get will be a starting point to going through this difficult time and finding the peace, appreciation, and love you seek and deserve. It’s time for you to heal yourself.
Important Things To Understand About Feeling Unwanted:
1. A huge number of people feel exactly like you
The society we live in, the social media boom, everything that’s happening in our everyday lives, are all causing the number of people who genuinely like and appreciate themselves to decrease.
The way we treat each other adds to this decrease and each and every day there are more people who feel unwanted and unloved.
Think about this. The way people behave is the direct manifestation of how they feel inside.
When people feel alone, hurt, and unloved, they behave differently than they would if they felt that they were getting all the love and care they needed.
People are like flowers; when they are nurtured and loved, they bloom and make everything around them prettier, more colorful, and inspiring.
When they aren’t getting love, which is their water and air, they dry and rot, like humans whose hearts and souls die slowly each day.
Understanding that your environment works this way will help you realize two things. First, you’ll learn to be more empathetic towards others and understand better where they are coming from.
Second, you’ll realize that you’re not the only one feeling unwanted. There are so many people around you who feel the exact same way.
2. Just because things happened to you, it doesn’t mean you have to pity yourself
Bad things happen to good people. Bad things happen to bad people too. Just because something happened to you doesn’t mean it’s your fault.
Also, it doesn’t mean you should pity yourself for the rest of your life for being dealt those cards.
There are many different circumstances in our life that lead us to where we are and determine the course our life takes.
If you dwell on the things that happen to you and take them as the only variables in the equation of who you are as a person, you’ll get completely the wrong answer.
Staying focused on the things that happen to you will mess with your mental health and draw you into the vicious cycle of feeling unloved, thinking you’re unworthy and attracting people who’ll push you even deeper into this hole.
It’s you who has to learn to work with what you get. Make lemonade – you can do it. There isn’t anyone in this world who hasn’t had something truly devastating happen to them.
Some people were traumatized in their childhood, some were in nasty relationships with narcissists or psychopaths… no matter what happened to you that’s feeding your thoughts of being unworthy – it’s up to you to learn to deal with it.
Your self-worth shouldn’t have anything to do with circumstantial experiences you’ve had. Pity yourself less, love yourself more.
3. You can and should fill the emptiness inside you
Unconsciously we all believe we need other people to make us feel happy and fulfilled. Children need others to satisfy their needs, adults don’t.
Many people believe that the only way to feel complete is to find another human being (or beings) to help them.
Our loved ones can certainly help us feel more appreciated, taken care of, loved, and important.
The truth is, though, this will only go so far, and sooner or later you’ll become aware that the emptiness inside you still exists.
No amount of acknowledgment from others will make up for what you’re missing inside.
You have the tools to fill the void inside you. Actually, you’re the only one who has those tools and it’s time you learned how to use them.
9 Powerful Ways You Can Help Yourself Feel More Wanted And Loved:
1. Examine your beliefs about love and world
All of us have some misconceptions about how the world works.
No one really knows the complete truth so we cannot say your conception is wrong, but put some effort into thinking deeply about why you believe certain things to be true.
Often, it is our traumas and negative experiences that shape us more aggressively than the good things we go through.
This means that our perception of the world is the image we get of it after it goes through the prism of all the negativity we have ever been through.
Not everyone can be an optimist, but being realistic would do for now. Think about the world in different ways, give it a different context, and see where your mind takes you.
There’s a good chance you’ll find that the way you thought about the world around you was false and needs some updating to do.
Your perception of the world is the source of your emotions, that’s why it’s so important.
2. Love can take different shapes, think about this
There’s a certain idea every human being has about love.
A person’s image of love is shaped by their early childhood, their teen and adolescent years, the experiences they’ve had, the movies they’ve seen, the books they’ve read…
There’s a whole lot that goes into this equation.
We’re all seeking this ultimate, unconditional love that only the perfect person can give us. The truth is, love can be very different to how we imagined.
Adapt your ideas to what you see to be true. Trust your instincts and let true love approach you even when it doesn’t match your idealized image of love.
3. Try to give love when you would otherwise judge
Look below the surface. Give people a chance. Of course, you shouldn’t go against your instincts and get with people who are dangerous for you.
Try to avoid your first, stereotypical judgment to get in between you and a true human connection.
Be understanding and compassionate towards others and that’s what you can expect in return.
This will help your relationships with people in general, with your family members and your friends, not only your romantic relationships.
Offer kindness to others, be there for them when they’re going through something bad instead of being the first to judge them and write them off.
4. Recognize and value people for who they are
Recognize the people who are already in your life. In your search for someone else, someone to fill your void, you’re probably ignoring every amazing human being you already have in your life.
You might be thinking that your potential romantic interest is more important than your friends or family but that’s completely false.
Your family and friends are a huge part of who you are. Think about everything you get from them and every way they make you feel loved without you even realizing it.
Value those people, show your appreciation. This is one of the steps you need to take in order to rediscover love. Once you do, you’ll spread love everywhere you go.
5. Think about everything you could but don’t do for your loved ones
We get offended when our loved ones fail to make us happy by doing something they should have or could have done.
We rarely stop to think about what it is that we are, or better yet, what it is that we are not doing for them.
You have the power to bring more love, care, and nourishment into your life, and if you think your only way to get that is for someone to give to you, you’re very wrong.
Spending time thinking about what you could do for the people you love is very important.
Thinking about their lives and evaluating their needs for something you can do for them is healthy for you and necessary for successful relationships.
Maybe there are people feeling unloved around you, too?
6. Be truly present in your life
Learn to appreciate your life by giving it the gift of your absolute presence.
Don’t dwell in your past and don’t fret about your future. Stay in the present. Think about what’s happening to you. Learn to enjoy moments in this world.
Remind yourself of the beauty of nature, of God’s love, of every little precious thing that you can enjoy every single moment of your time, even when you feel unworthy.
You’re worth being here, don’t waste it.
7. Use meaningful conversations to connect to people
To become more in tune with the world around you, initiate conversations with people.
Not just any kind of conversations though – meaningful conversations that leave you both feeling like you’ve learned something new, important, and motivating.
Try to connect with people on a more intimate level. Approach others with love and without judgment.
Understanding others helps us understand ourselves better as well.
8. Think about your true needs and desires
You can’t get what you want if you don’t know what you want.
Many people think they are aiming for a certain goal while in reality, they are self-sabotaging because they’ve never really thought about what their true desires are.
Give yourself time to think about what it is you really want. What is it that makes you smile?
Even if your true desires don’t seem convenient, trust them and move in that direction because that’s the only way to feel fulfilled, worthy, and important.
9. Learn how to love yourself
Think about YOU. Love her (or him). She/he deserves it. There are many things you can do to love yourself better, to love yourself more.
Take time to do things you enjoy. Try something new, join a book club, find a support group that suits your needs. Take good care of yourself.
Challenge yourself, show yourself what you’re capable of. Give yourself some credit. Praise yourself for your accomplishments.
Release your inner child but find a way to teach it new things: trust, love, and acceptance. Stop blaming yourself because someone didn’t know to love you, it doesn’t mean you’re unlovable.