If you’re having difficulties deciphering what’s really going on in his brain when your husband looks at another woman, you’re just in the right place!
Before I go deeper into the ogling behavior, I want you to imagine the following case scenario:
You’re sitting in a cafe or a restaurant with your husband and you’re having a good time. You laugh, you drink, you eat, and everything seems idyllic.
And then a woman enters the premises (or walks by your table) and the same second you notice that your man has raised his head to observe her head to toe.
You instantly start feeling overwhelmed, confused, insecure, and in a way betrayed. You start asking yourself questions like:
Does he think she’s more beautiful and attractive than me? Does he want to be with her? OMG, what if he’s already been with another woman?
If this sounds familiar to you, I want you to know that you’re not alone on this one. This is exactly what I and my female friends felt every time our men would observe other women.
At one point, I thought I was going insane, but then I activated my rational part of the brain that reminded me of the fact that ALL MEN like to look!
Men are visual creatures and their tendency to ogle at other women usually has nothing to do with deeper issues, but just human nature.
Just because your man looks at another woman, this doesn’t mean that he finds you less beautiful or attractive and that he’s no longer interested in being with you.
But, in some cases, your overthinking might be justified (especially if he’s been unfaithful to you in the past).
To help you understand what it could mean when your husband looks at another woman, and what to do about it (if anything at all), continue reading below.
Why Men Have A Tendency To Look At Other Women
When your husband looks at another woman, what is he thinking?
Instead of isolating your case from the rest of the husbands, wives, and male species, I’ll approach it from the general point of view.
Unlike women, men have this ability to be attracted to the opposite sex on a solely physical level without the need to establish an emotional connection.
This means that a man in a committed relationship can be physically attracted to another woman, even though he deeply loves and respects his woman.
We, women, are more emotionally-oriented creatures and haven’t been blessed with this physical “gift.” That is why it is so hard for us to understand why men do that in the first place.
They are driven by their natural instincts!
Men are attracted to new and different, and if you need a culprit, evolution is to blame for it.
While women are programmed to fulfill the more sensitive role of a nurturing mother and wife, men are basically concerned with spreading their genes.
So, staring at other women is their natural, biological instinct – they don’t do it because they want to, but because their body is “forcing” them to.
This doesn’t mean that they would jump on another woman if you weren’t there with them. They have the capacity to decide not to act on their impulses when surrounded by attractive women.
It’s important to add that their natural instincts and impulses are being challenged every single day. And do you know how? One word: The media.
We all know that all those ads are abounding with beautiful women, ladies in bikinis with hot makeup – even naked women.
And the main idea of all this is to draw the public’s attention to a certain product by creating lusting.
As you can see, the media is playing tricks on men and there’s nothing they can do about it.
They will look at that ad EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Even if they’re not even interested in what’s being advertised, they’ll still do it because their instinct is telling them to do so. (Not to talk about the porn industry that’s the cause of many men’s porn addiction.)
All I can say is that the media is one cruel place, making other women lose their self-worth and self-esteem just because they’re convinced that they have to look like those models.
You don’t! Given that this is a topic for another article, read this every time you start comparing yourself with a prettier girl.
When Looking At Other Women Becomes A Problem
A good man is aware of the fact that he has a wonderful wife and he always keeps in mind the following: I’m a married man and I would never do something stupid or hurt my wife in any way.
When a man wants to make his woman feel loved and cherished, he will do anything to accomplish that. Anything else is just an excuse for his selfish behavior.
Now, that we got that straight, let’s see when looking at other women becomes something you should worry about.
Well, looking at other women becomes a problem when physical attraction turns into lust that they are not in control of (or don’t want to be in control of).
When men lose self-control, they start to flirt with other women and eventually become legit cheaters.
Flirting is one of the biggest red flags and if you notice your husband doing it, then you know it’s not only his natural instinct at work here, but something more than that.
Remember that there is a big difference between throwing a quick glance and continuously gawking, forcing eye contact, or even flirting with other women.
Throwing a quick glance is triggered by his natural instinct, but constantly gawking and flirting is triggered by intense lust, which might be potentially dangerous if your man is deliberately depriving himself of self-control.
5 Signs Your Husband Could Be Unfaithful
Regardless if it is your first year of marriage or fifth with your significant other, there is always an equal chance of infidelity in marriage.
Now, I’m not trying to scare you, but you should pay attention to his behavior and potential red flags to notice any changes.
If your man is showing some or all of the following signs, then he could be doing something shady behind your back.
Changes in phone use
Have you noticed that he’s been spending time on his phone more than before and that he’s overly protective of it (literally going to the toilet with his cell phone)?
If yes, this is the biggest red flag when it comes to relationships. The math is simple here: If he doesn’t have anything to hide, he wouldn’t be so protective of his phone.
But, as always, don’t jump to conclusions before talking to him about it and seeking an explanation for his weird behavior.
Spending less time with you and showing less interest in you
If your husband used to spend lots of time with you and now rarely ever hangs out with you, it could mean that he’s losing interest and that is why he prefers spending time with his friends and other people.
Another unlucky case scenario is that him spending time with friends being an excuse for spending time with another woman.
If you suspect that this might be the case, pay attention to other clues like perfume, lipstick on his clothes, and similar.
Lying and/or making excuses
This one is connected with the previous one. Infidelity and lying (including making excuses) are closely connected, because you have to justify your actions so that no one suspects anything.
Let me rephrase that – your husband has to justify his actions.
You know the drill.
If he’s all of a sudden spending extra time at the office because of “extra work,” canceling your plans and doing other crappy things, he’s just trying to cover his sinful deeds so that he can continue his side adventure.
See also: 10 Ways To Spot A Psychopathic Liar
Suddenly being overly concerned with his appearance
This one’s totally interesting.
Many men don’t really care about their appearance (especially if they’ve been married for a long time already), so when they meet someone new, their appearance becomes a top priority.
This includes hitting the gym regularly, constantly buying new clothes, taking extra care of his beard, shoes, and so on.
Unless you know that your man has decided to work on himself for the sake of becoming the best version of himself, then you should be worried about this one.
Ah, those sweet mood swings! Well, if there’s one thing that can uncover potential unfaithfulness, it is mood.
When men know that they are guilty of something, they can’t help but act nervous, defensive, and irritated around you.
They are not in control of this because it happens on a subconscious level. They cannot act normal around you because they know they’ve done something bad and now their conscience is eating away at them.
What To Do If He Is Being Unfaithful
If you’ve noticed (or if you notice) that your husband exhibits some or all of the above signs, don’t panic! In some cases, it’s not the end of the road.
Talk to him about it.
Seek support and help from your friends, family, and a marriage counselor. Infidelity is a tricky thing, but it’s not something you cannot overcome together – of course, assuming that he’s ready to work on himself.
What Should You Do When Your Husband Looks At Another Woman?
DO NOT jump to conclusions
When your man ogles other women, don’t immediately think things like: He must be into younger women. He must be doing something behind my back.
Remind yourself of the fact that this is his natural instinct, which is not something he can control (but he can control acting on his impulses).
If your husband doesn’t show any signs of him being unfaithful to you, then there’s nothing you should worry about.
So, don’t act like a crazy woman (men like to call us this when we go mad) by attacking him in public or demanding to tell you the truth.
Sometimes the only truth is that they themselves have no idea why they’re doing it, so you shouldn’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean your hubby prefers another woman over you. You are still his favorite girl!
Easier said than done, I totally agree with you. But, it’s really important to be realistic when it comes to these situations. Think about it this way.
You also notice attractive people on the street, in a restaurant, and so on, right? And you also throw a quick glance from time to time to random attractive guys.
I personally admit that I do and I’m not ashamed of it.
It’s completely natural because we’re human beings. It’s in our blood to observe, evaluate, and admire new things. For us women, this doesn’t necessarily have to be guys, it might be skirts and other clothes.
And for men it can be attractive new cars, young women, boobs and butts of all shapes and sizes, and so on.
Remind yourself that paying attention to nice things is not a big deal as long as your husband is keeping it civil.
Tell him honestly how you feel about it
Regardless if it is the first time or he’s been doing it since you were his fiance, don’t be afraid to tell him honestly how you feel about it.
This will help you understand what’s really going on in his head and you won’t waste tons of your time overthinking and judging him for nothing.
When your husband knows that you’re uncomfortable when he glances at other women, he will make sure to remind you that there’s nothing you should worry about because the only woman he REALLY wants to be with is YOU.
I can say this here, but it’s completely different when you hear it from his mouth.
You will instantly feel better about the whole situation and no longer see it as an issue, but something trivial that’s not supposed to be controlled, just accepted.
Or consider joining in
I hate when people claim that only men stare at other women, whereas women seldom stare at other men because it’s not their style.
Come on people, we live in the 21st century where double standards don’t stand a chance of survival.
Here’s another interesting approach. When your husband looks at other women, join him! I mean, comment on something about that woman and say that she really looks good or that you like her outfit.
You have no idea how happy your husband will be (and at the same time confused about it!) This will show your ultimate confidence because you don’t feel threatened by other women around you.
And that is really HOT! This approach will make you look like a boss and winner, so definitely consider trying it.
At first, it will be a little bit weird, but when you get used to it, you will notice that complimenting other women (instead of seeing them as a threat) in front of your husband is a liberating experience.
Set healthy boundaries and work on your relationship together
Setting healthy boundaries means being willing to work on his behavior – not looking too often or too long.
It means making sure that he doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable in different situations and in front of other women.
It also means reminding you of the fact that you’re his number one priority and the only woman he wants to be with.
When you know that your husband is trying hard to accomplish all that, then you know he genuinely cares about you.
Otherwise, he wouldn’t care if he stared for a little bit too long when another woman passed by him. It’s important that you work on your relationship together, and nurture patience and mutual effort.
Mutual respect and effort is the basis of every healthy and happy relationship!
When you know that your husband is going out of his way to show you that you’re the most special woman in his life, that he genuinely cares about you and loves you, then nothing else matters.
When you know that you choose him and he chooses you every single day and every single night, you don’t worry when your husband looks at another woman (and he won’t mind if you merely admire another man).
You focus on worshipping what you have in front of you and that’s the only thing that matters!