1. Don’t buy into their seemingly perfect exterior (it’s all play pretend)
To narcissists and psychopaths, creating a believable and perfect facade is the ultimate goal.
They need to convince you that they have it all figured out – that they’re smart, resourceful, intelligent, and well-off. They keep the control and what they say goes.
They have a strong pull on people, which makes it easy for them to manipulate and lie. But underneath that need for vicious manipulations and games there is an insecure, deeply distorted vision of themselves.
And this is what makes them resort to lies and games. This is how they fill the emptiness and void that’s killing them on the inside.
2. Don’t tell them more about yourself than absolutely necessary
They will use anything they have on you as ammunition to attack you at any point they deem fit.
The more they know, the more material they have to use against you and those you love.
To them, information is a weapon. Use this to your advantage.
Protect yourself and those you hold dear by withholding as much information about yourself as possible.
That is going to make it difficult for them to attack you (verbally) because they will have very little to go on. In these situations, privacy is sacred. Never jeopardize it for anything.
3. Don’t let them make you second-guess yourself
First and foremost – you don’t have to justify anything to anyone. You are entitled to your own thoughts, opinions, and ideas.
So never let narcissists and psychopaths make you doubt yourself. Recognize it as their evil way of undermining and controlling you, and nip it in the bud.
Don’t explain yourself, don’t justify your actions, and don’t seek their approval.
Not even for one second, because it takes just one instance for you to fall into that trap and it can only go downhill from there.
Firmly stand your ground and don’t let them shake you. This will cause them distress, even though they will never let you see it.
4. Don’t make excuses for their evil and controlling behavior
Never categorize what they do on a daily basis as a minor inconvenience. It may seem minor at times, but that is only because they manipulate you into thinking that.
Their mind games and their need for attention can be excruciatingly exhausting, which sometimes leaves you unable to fend for yourself.
But never let that minimize the shit they do to you. Just because you’re too tired from their crap, doesn’t mean you should downplay or put up with it.
You should react calmly when they are trying to provoke you and always keep your cool, but never forget or minimize the amount of shit they cause you.
That will make you subconsciously welcome it as acceptable behavior and there is rarely any going back from that.
5. Don’t expect them to own up to any of their shit
Narcissists and psychopaths think they are entitled to everything and apologize for nothing. To them, everything they do is perfectly justifiable and with good reason.
If they cause you harm – you had it coming. If they verbally attack you – you provoked them. And if they disregard your concerns – they deem you unworthy of their attention.
Never expect them to own up to their shit. They are categorically incapable of doing so. For your own sake, you should always point out when they cause you any distress.
But do it for yourself, never to seek reaction from them, because it’s not going to happen. They will never take credit for their negative actions.
They may fool you into thinking they care about your vision for the future or that they are excited for your new work opportunity.
But that is nothing but a means to an end. By faking their support and excitement, they expect double the amount in return from you.
They don’t give a shit about your life, thoughts, or dreams. All they do is feign their interest so they can use it as leverage when they want something from you.
And they will shamelessly use it to manipulate you and exhaust you to the point of going along with whatever they want from you.
7. Don’t try to play their game
Don’t think for a second you can keep up with their games. They are people who have spent the majority of their lives perfecting their craft and testing it with various people until it was perfect. They can do it in their sleep.
And why would you even want to stoop that low? Narcissists and psychopaths have serious emotional issues that make them resort to these types of manipulations and lies.
They cannot deal with feeling inferior or being flawed, so they spend disturbing amounts of time making you think they are untouchable.
Let them play their games and you maintain your integrity. You are way above them anyway.
8. Don’t take anything they do to you personally
It never is. They will use anything and anyone if it means getting something from it. It can be the closest person to them in the world, or a complete stranger. It doesn’t make a difference to them.
It’s never you, and it’s ALWAYS them. The way they mistreat you and use you is extremely wrong and disturbing, but if anything, you can at least find solace in the fact it has nothing to do with you.
They will cross anyone who’s in their way; it’s simply how they operate.
9. Don’t expect them to be fair to you
Fairness is a word that is not in their dictionary. They are unfamiliar with empathy and for a very good reason.
Empathy means being aware that everyone is equally deserving of happiness. For narcissists and psychopaths, this is not the case.
The only thing they care about is getting what they want. And they will do whatever it takes to get it.
If it means treating you unfairly, it’s just another Monday to them. Don’t expect empathy from people who have a void in their soul.
10. Don’t expect them to ever change
This type of behavior is deeply engraved in them and is not going to change for anyone.
They may alter their behavior based on who they are around, but it’s only for manipulative purposes.
They don’t feel the need to change because they don’t believe they are doing anything wrong. And that is the main issue with them.
How do you expect a man who sees himself as flawless to ever change his behavioral patterns?
The only thing you can do is accept that this is who he is and move in the opposite direction. Some people are just not worth your effort.