A break-up happens in an instant.
The person you’ve been dating leaves you, you leave them or you both agree that your relationship should come to an end.
Sounds like a piece of cake, right?
Well, the truth is quite different. What comes after the break-up is a difficult and long-lasting process which consists of several stages that are common for most people and here are 7 of them.
When the person you care for leaves you hanging, at first, you refuse to accept it.
You pretend that nothing happened and that things will soon go back the way they were.
You hope that this is only a phase and a little argument, instead of it being an actual break-up.
The point is that your brain and heart can’t process the amount of pain all of this caused so you choose to ignore it and pretend as if nothing happened.
Instead of processing these emotions, you subconsciously start repressing them. And this is perfectly normal—if it’s only a phase and not something permanent.
2. Wanting closure
When you finally accept it’s really over, the normal reaction is to seek for answers.
You think that things will be easier for you if you get complete closure, before you turn over a new page of your life.
You’re rewinding your entire relationship in your head, trying to think of all the situations that could have played out differently and all the mistakes both of you made.
This is especially hard if some of the questions you have are left unanswered and if the man you still love refuses to give you the closure you desperately need.
The next stage is bargaining. Now, you’re ready to do whatever it takes just to have your loved one back.
You’re ready to change yourself and your ways. All of a sudden, you even think about doing something you would normally never do—beg this guy to take you back.
The truth is that you’re actually doing everything in your power to fix this relationship that is clearly doomed to fail.
You’re actually trying to rebuild what is broken beyond repair.
After this, there comes anger. You’re angry for this man who dumped you, angry at yourself for not knowing better and angry at both of you for not making things work.
Even if you’re not to blame for this break-up, you start to think of yourself as guilty.
You think of all the ways you could have prevented this and blame yourself for not doing anything to save your relationship.
The next stage is grief. You start to miss this man who was a part of your life for so long.
You start to miss all the chances you two missed out on and everything you could have accomplished and become.
Everything you could have been but didn’t make it.
Some people think that crying over a break-up is silly and that there are hundreds of more important problems in this world.
However, the truth is that grief is always the same, no matter the circumstances.
After all, you’ve lost someone who meant everything to you.
This man is out of your life and you don’t have him anymore the way you did so it is completely natural to be sad about this.
The most important thing about this stage is not to allow the pain to define you.
Don’t run away from it and don’t pretend it’s not there but don’t let it become the only thing you identify with either.
Finally, there comes acceptance. There comes the stage in which you realize that everything happens for a reason and a bigger cause.
That something that caused you the most tears can turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you.
That some things and people are simply not meant to be and that you can’t do anything about it.
Together with acceptance, there comes hope.
Slowly, you begin to grasp that tomorrow is a new day and that you won’t forever feel the way you do.