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Dominant Husband: 10 Ways To Be The Alpha In Your Marriage

Dominant Husband: 10 Ways To Be The Alpha In Your Marriage

When you google the words D/S relationship (meaning dominant-submissive relationship), the first association you have is probably one person dominating the other in the bedroom.

However, dominance in the marriage is much more than dominance under the sheets.

It actually means a lot of things, but most importantly, that one person in the relationship has more control than the other.

When we’re talking about the dominant husband, it means that he is the one who is in charge, the one who makes all the decisions, and the one who is listened to.

It means the husband wears the pants and is the head of the household—just like it was in the old days; that his attitudes and points of view are respected and obeyed, without further questioning.

However, a D/S relationship is in no way an abusive relationship, and it doesn’t mean that men get all the privileges.

Instead, it is a full-time job which brings more responsibility than you might think.

It means that the man is the provider, the protector, the one who takes care of the woman and of the entire family, and that he is the one who carries all the life’s weight on his shoulders alone.

One of the famous dominant husband quotes says: “A truly submissive woman is to be treasured, cherished, and protected for it is only she who can give a man the gift of dominance.”—Anne Decals.

Contrary to feminist point of views, even today, more women than you might imagine would like to be submissive and dream of paying attention to their husband’s needs and making sure he is satisfied.

Many are looking for a life partner who will have what it takes to dominate them and who will allow them to be a submissive wife.

However, finding a dominant husband isn’t all that easy because most modern men don’t have the initiative and strength to take over the leadership position in their relationship.

That is why numerous women ask themselves: “How to encourage my husband to be more dominant?

How can I inspire my man to turn into the alpha male I need?

What can I do to become a submissive wife and to make my man the dominant one?”

Well, the answer to these questions lies below.

If you’re a woman who is looking for ways to transform her man into a strong, power figure, just push him into following this step-by-step guide to building a dominant personality.

How To Become A Dominant Husband

If you’re a man looking for ways to gain control and dominance in your marriage, we have a solution for you!

All you have to do is follow this beginner’s guide for becoming the alpha in your relationship.

Work on your self-esteem


Being a dominant husband means much more than being the leader in your marriage.

It is much more than having a  partner in a submissive position who does what you say and follows your every order.

Instead, this process of becoming a dominant man includes alot of things and first of them is high self-esteem.

No, this doesn’t mean that you necessarily have to turn into an egocentric, selfish asshole in order to take over the dominant role in your marriage.

However, you can’t expect your wife to admire you, trust you, and put her life into your hands if you’re a guy who has no or little confidence.

You can’t expect her to believe in your skills and abilities if you don’t have faith in yourself in the first place.

Most importantly , you can’t expect her to respect you until you start respecting yourself,, and you can’t wait for her to start seeing you as an alpha male before you perceive yourself in that way.

There is no point in trying to build a dominant personality if you allow your insecurities and fears to get the best of you.

For example, if you are constantly worried that your wife might leave you for a younger and more handsome guy who earns more than you do, you’ll project your fears on her, and she’ll notice that you see yourself as not enough.

Consequently, once she sees that you don’t value yourself, she’ll start questioning your worth, as well.

After a while, you’ll unwillingly convince her that she can really do better, and she’ll go and look for that better.

That is why you have to start working on your self-image before everything else.

You have to reprogram your brain into thinking that you’re the strongest, most capable, and most valuable man in this world.

Yes, if it is necessary, become a little cocky and stuck up.

Even though this is not the most desirable personality trait, the truth is that most women fall for it, whether they like to admit it or not.

This is especially important when you’re meeting a new girl. Show her that you have no doubt you’ll win her over but that you won’t humiliate yourself by begging her to be yours.

When you go out, act like you own the room. Make her realize that you’re perfectly aware of your numerous qualities and that there is nothing she could ever do to destroy your self-esteem.

I won’t lie to you—not a single person is at the peak of their confidence at all times.

However, the key is to pretend that you have faith in yourself, even when you don’t.

This doesn’t mean you should invent another personality just to be more likeable to the girls.

I’m just advising you to mask your insecurities. Do your best to act like they don’t exist when talking to the opposite sex, and with time, I assure you that they will really fade away.

Don’t let her change you

Let’s face it—when a woman enters a new relationship or gets married, she is likely to see it as a fresh project.

She probably sees you as a child she should raise: teach him how to behave and help him become the man of her dreams.

Most men accept these changes without even being aware of them.

After all, they’re so crazy in love with their wives that they’re ready to do whatever it takes just to make them happy.

In fact, most husbands are convinced that the way to earning their better half’s respect and love is through meeting her every demand.

Nevertheless, what they don’t know is that they’re probably making the mistake of their lives and that behaving like this will never make them an alpha male.  

However, when you’re a dominant man, you know who you are, and you’re not ready to change your ways to please your woman (because that would mean that you’re the submissive one).

You make it very clear to her that you are not an immature boy she can play with and that you don’t need a mother because you already have one.

You show her that you’re a fully formed individual who won’t allow anyone reshaping him.

You are not ready to change your ways and to make any crucial differences in the core of your personality just to be more likeable and loveable to her.

After all, she always has the choice of accepting you for who you are or to leave if she thinks you’re too much to handle.

She has the choice to love the real you or to go out there and find some boy who will fit her standards.

I know that at first, this approach seems too risky.

You might be scared that your wife will really walk away on you if you don’t do as she tells you.

However, I assure you that your fears don’t have any solid ground.

Not only won’t she dump you, she will be impressed by the strength of your character and proud that she has a real man by her side.

Be physically stronger

Let’s face it—physical appearance is the first thing we notice about everyone.

You know how you need to be attracted to a woman before you decide to make a move on her?

Well, the opposite sex is the same. And this especially goes when it comes to dominance.

For a woman to see you as a dominant man, you have to show her that you’re able to physically dominate her.

I’m not saying that you should ever think of having an abusive relationship to show your superiority because that is without a doubt, the most cowardly thing any man could do.

I’m just telling you that you need to be physically stronger than her, so she can be able to perceive you as emotionally and mentally stronger as well.

Of course, the best case scenario would be if you’re already taller and physically bigger than your woman.

This way, her primary instincts will send her a signal that you can protect her and that she can rely on you.

However, if this is not already the case and if you’re shorter than your wife (which is something you can’t work on), there is still hope that one day, you will become a dominant man.

You can still be better and work on your appearance. First and foremost, hit the gym, and work on your muscles.

Do your best to develop your strength, and make sure she notices it, as well.

Start with the little things: open a jar for her, always carry the bags when you’re going grocery shopping, change her tire, and do other things which require physical strength.

At first, she might be offended by the fact that you think of her as incapable, and she even might try doing all of these things alone just to show you that she is an independent, self-sufficient woman who doesn’t need a man to help her out.

Nevertheless, that is not a sign for you to give up.

Trust me—before you know it, she’ll slowly start perceiving you as a dominant man, and she’ll subconsciously start taking over the submissive position and give you the dominant role in your marriage.

Be dominant in the bedroom

When they hear words like submissiveness, dominance,  submissive positions, and D/S relationship, alot of people connect it an abusive relationship where the man hits the woman and where she doesn’t have a say in any decision making process or they connect it only with sex.

They imagine a married couple practicing BDSM, dirty talk, other kinky stuff and remember the movie “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

After all, this is what most results on google will be pointed at: BDSM and dominance under the sheets.

Even though this is in no way true—because dominant relationship is much more than one person being subordinate in the bedroom—sex is a crucial part of this type of arrangement as well.

So, if you plan on taking a dominant role in your marriage, you have to take a dominant role in your sex life, as well.

You have to be the active partner, the one who makes the rules, and the one dictates the pace.

However, this is in no way a green light for you to do anything your submissive wife is not OK with because submissiveness doesn’t equal rape.

The fact that you’re husband and wife is irrelevant, and just because you’re a married couple, it doesn’t mean that you have the right to do anything she doesn’t feel like doing or that you are entitled to force her into having sex with you.

Kinky sex ideas are one thing, but sexual abuse is something completely different, and you should always have in mind not to cross that line.

Remember that consent is always crucial and that you can’t start doing anything without that.

Having a dominant-submissive sex doesn’t only mean BDSM and being cruel.

It doesn’t mean one side being a sadist and the other being a masochist, like you’ve seen it in “50 Shades Of Grey”.

What being dominant in the bedroom means is taking charge.

It means that you shouldn’t ask your submissive wife if she wants to have sex, can you have a blowjob or even can you kiss her because that is a huge turn off.

Instead, you can include a lot of dirty talk before the action.

You can tell her things like: “I want you to wait for me in the bed completely naked; Prepare to be wetter than ever before; Come here and suck my dick right now!; You are not allowed to cum until I say so.”

Of course, eye contact and the tone of your voice are important here.

You can’t show her that you’re scared of her rejection, and you need to act like you won’t accept ‘no’ for an answer.

First of all, be the one who initiates sex. Also, if you feel like changing positions under the sheets, do it in a way to turn her around the way you want.

There is nothing wrong with pulling her hair or spanking her.

You can also put her hand behind her back or above her head, so she feels like you’re in total control of everything that is about to happen.

None of these pieces of advice should cause any physical pain to your partner.

Instead, they have a psychological effect which—besides helping you spice up your sex life—will help you become the dominant man you are.

Be financially stable

If you want to have a submissive woman, you have to provide for her and that includes showing her that she can rely on you when it comes to finances.

It doesn’t mean that a submissive wife has to necessarily quit her job or that she can’t work, but she needs to feel in the heart like you could maintain her if she ever decides to be a stay-at-home mum.

This way, if she doesn’t have to worry about the money, she’ll spend more time paying attention to your needs and finding ways to please you. 

Once a woman sees that you have a full-time job and that you’re capable of keeping her fed and dressed, she’ll be more willing to take over the submissive role which belongs to her.

Don’t get me wrong—this doesn’t mean you should marry a gold digger who is only interested in your money.

On the contrary, girls don’t actually look for a sugar daddy (despite what many people might think).

They look for a mature man who invests in his career and who doesn’t expect his woman to solve his financial problems.

You don’t have to even be a businessman or extremely successful in what you do.

Just show her that you have a work ethic, that you’re not lazy, and that you’re capable of being the breadwinner of your family.

Show her that you’re not afraid of taking an extra job for example if it happens that you two run out of cash.

Most importantly, show her that she can sleep peacefully, knowing that everything will be taken care of and that she will never end up on the streets as long as she has you.

Start with always picking up the check when you go out like a real gentleman.

Continue with arranging your house finances and with taking responsibility for making ends meet until the end of the month.

Trust me—this is not about the money.

It is about your submissive wife feeling safe and sound next to you.

It is about her listening to you when you say that you need to cut costs this month because she knows you’re saying it for the good of both of you and because she knows you’ve taken financial responsibility.

It is about her seeing you as a dominant figure who is in charge of all life aspects.

Be responsible

Another crucial thing: you can never become dominant without taking responsibility and having decision making ability.

You can’t expect your wife to be a submissive woman if she sees you as an immature brat who needs her hand to guide him through life.

However, what does being responsible really mean? It means that your deeds have to meet your words. It means living up to your promises.

It means having a firm character. It means not making excuses for your mistakes and not justifying yourself on every possible occasion.

Being responsible means standing behind everything you preach. It means taking responsibility for all the things you’ve done wrong and trying to make them right.

It means having a plan for the future and always knowing what you’re doing.

It means accomplishing your goals and working hard on making your life better.

It means knowing how to be committed and dedicated to the things you set your mind to.

It means accepting all the consequences of your actions. It means being a responsible businessman, a responsible son, a responsible father, a responsible friend, and a responsible husband.

It means being a responsible man and a responsible human being.

Trust me—these are all the qualities every woman admires and the things they look for in a life partner.

Be decisive

When trying to reinvent yourself as a dominant guy, your decision making skills are one of the first things you have to work on.

Before anything else, you have to know what you want and not be afraid to get it.

Not only that, your submissive wife has to be fully aware of that, as well.

She has to see that your decisions are always thoroughly thought through, that you’re a wise and intelligent man who is not just led by the heart or by his impulse,s and that she’ll never go wrong when she listens to you.

She needs to know that your decisions are never spontaneous and that you know what you’re doing at every given moment.

That your point of view is rarely wrong and even if you make a mistake-that you’ll be better and make things right, without her having to suffer any consequences whatsoever.

Besides, what is also important is for you to make it clear that all of your decisions are final and that there is no room to chang them.

Whatever you’re doing you’re doing it for the good of the both of you, and your submissive wife shouldn’t even try changing your mind or manipulating you to make a different decision regarding anything.

This might sound cruel, but you have to show her that you know better.

Yes, at first you’ll probably have to explain your moves to her, and she won’t accept the fact that you’re making all the decisions regarding your marriage.

However, once she sees that you have what it takes and that you have the capacity to be a leader, she will be more than happy to not have to ‘crack open her mind’ about every little detail.  

Become her hero

Whether they like to admit it or not, the truth is that most women have the need to be saved and that men have the need to be their saviors, one way or another.

Ever since they were little girls, they’ve dreamt of their Prince Charming, coming on his white horse to their rescue.

They’ve dreamt of being Princesses who have a handsome and rich warrior next to them.

They would spend days trying to look as beautiful as possible for him and patiently waiting for him to come home.

Yes, this is a fairytale and a lot of things are different when it comes to modern dating and modern marriages, but is all of this really that far from reality?

Aren’t the Prince and Princess a married couple? Isn’t it true that the Prince is the breadwinner?

Isn’t the Princess a submissive wife who waits for him to make the first move, to win her over.

And to rescue her from all the evil? Don’t the two of them become husband and wife and isn’t the husband the alpha in their marriage?

Isn’t this ancient fabrication actually mirrored in today’s dominant man?

So, that is actually what you need to become in your wife’s eyes if you want to be an alpha man: her hero.

The one who will help her get out of all troubles life throws at her, the one who will be there to hold her hand while she’s overcoming all her challenges and difficulties, and the one who will not only wipe away her tears but also make sure she never cries.

Be her hero in every sense of that word: the first person she comes to when she needs physical protection, the person whose advice she always asks for, and someone who somehow always manages to show up at the exactly right moment with a magic wand to solve all of  her problems.

Make her feel taken care of, be her rock and her strength, and I assure you that she will let you take your dominant position in no time.

Show her she can trust you

If one person is the alpha of a relationship, the other has to have unlimited trust in him.

It means that your wife has to both believe you and believe in you. She has to be certain in your competence to be the leader of your lives.

She can’t doubt whether you’ll make the right choice or whether you’ll abandon her when she needs you the most.

She has to know that you’re trustworthy at all times and no matter what happens.

That you don’t chicken out at the first sign of trouble and that you won’t turn your back on her.

She has to see you as more than a lover—you have to be this woman’s best friend, guardian angel, and protector.

However, you can’t accomplish all of this by just asking her to trust you and put her life in your hand.

Instead, you have to prove that you’re worthy of this limitless trust you’re demanding, and that is a process which takes time and doesn’t happen overnight.

Over time, you have to show your wife that you really are there for her, that you’ll never do anything that might harm her, and that you would never, under no circumstances violate her trust.

She needs to feel comfortable around you; she has to know that you won’t ever judge her and that you’ll always stand by her side in front of others.

She needs to be sure that she can reveal her deepest secrets to you without the fear of you sharing them with anyone else.

That you’ll be honest about her errors in the privacy of your own home but that you’ll always defend her in front of the world, no matter how powerful a force you have to stand up against.

You have to show her you meant everything you said in your wedding wows: that you’ll have her back through thick and thin, through sickness and health, and through good and bad days.

Once you accomplish that, she will see that you really do deserve the role of a dominant male.

Take charge

All of the steps mentioned above are of no use for you if you don’t learn how to take charge in every moment of your marriage.

Of course, what is crucial is for you to develop the ability to make quick but smart decisions at risky times, but there are hundreds of other situations when you being in charge matters, as well.

For example, when you two are deciding about what to eat, don’t wait an hour for her to pick what she feels like having. Instead, suggest something right away.

However, don’t tell her: “What do you think about having pizza?”

Instead, just tell her “We’ll have pizza.”

Don’t worry—you’re not endangering her in any way with this because she’ll surely protest if that is something she doesn’t like.

Instead, you’re just helping her decide and showing her that you’re in control.

When you’re taking her out or buying her a birthday present, don’t wait for her to tell you where she’d like to go or what she’d like to get.

Instead, surprise her with an already reserved table and with buying her something you know she would like to have.

The same goes with planning your vacations, with your hobbies or free time.

Whatever you do, make sure she knows you’re serious about it and that your decisions are final.

Always be firm when talking to her, and maintain strong eye contact because that will show her you’re confident and secure.

After a while, your wife will see that you are really the one who is wearing the pants around the house.

And guess what: she’ll like it more than anything!