No Te Perdono Por Hacerme Sentir Que No Soy Lo Suficientemente Bueno

I just wanted someone who’ll love me the way I deserved to be loved.

I wanted a man who will see me for who I am and who’ll decide I’m worthy of his love. I wanted a man who will not project his issues on me and who’ll add value to my life.

I wanted someone who’ll know my worth.

I wanted a man who’ll see what I do in my life and who’ll support me. I wanted a man who’ll respect me and who’ll see me as a person that can add value to his life.

I wanted someone who won’t just see me for my flaws and mistakes.

I wanted someone who will see that my good sides always outnumber those bad ones. I wanted someone who won’t make me feel like I’m crazy, who will not play with my heart and my trust.

I wanted someone who’ll see me as a human and still decide to love me.

Quería que fuéramos un equipo.

Quería que estuviéramos el uno para el otro. Quería que me cubrieras las espaldas tanto como yo a ti. Quería saber que podía contar contigo tanto como tú podías contar conmigo.

Because I would’ve always come when you needed me. I would’ve been there for you for forever. But you decided to not be there for me.

En lugar de luchar por mí y alejarme de todo lo malo, fuiste el mayor mal que me ocurrió.

En vez de luchar por mí, luchaste conmigo. Luchaste contra mí y seguiste golpeándome.

I did not want this. I didn’t sign up for any of it.

Al enamorarme de ti, me desenamoré de mí misma.

Te quería a ti y quería todas esas cosas para nosotros. Mis deseos me salieron terriblemente mal. Me quemé con esos deseos porque de todas las cosas que quería, tú eras la única que nunca debí haber deseado.

But I couldn’t’ve known things would end up like this.

Under your constant ‘bringing downs’, I forgot who I was.

I forgot all my values and I forgot I was once worthy. I started believing I was nothing and I settled down. I thought you knew me best and if you said I was nothing, I must’ve been nothing.

There isn’t a thing in this world you haven’t used to bring me down. You were never choosy when it came to tools you’d use to make me feel bad about myself. The more it hurt me, the better it was, right?

You kept doing mean things to me and you kept making me feel like I’m crazy for even thinking you’d do bad things to me.

You were just trying to help me, wasn’t that what you always said? Well, as if! You weren’t helping me, you were tearing me apart until I finally fell out of love with myself. Until I finally saw myself with your eyes. Until you convinced me I wasn’t worthy of being loved.

Ninguna chica debería sentirse indigna de amor. She should never feel like she isn’t good enough.

You didn’t only see me as someone who isn’t good enough, me hiciste sentir que no soy lo suficientemente buena. Esta sensación permaneció grabada en lo más profundo de mis huesos durante mucho tiempo.

You made me feel like I’m not good enough and I let you. I wanted to love you, but you weren’t capable of loving me.

Yo quería ser tu amiga, pero tú eras uno de esos tipos que sólo saben apuñalar por la espalda a sus amigos. Y aunque yo amaba, este amor estaba equivocado. Y tú eras un tipo equivocado. No tienes ni idea de lo equivocado que estabas.

I should’ve been able to lean on you, but in leaning on you, I crashed down and hit the ground so hard. You made me not want to wish anyone of anything anymore for as long as I am alive.

Me arrepiento de haberte tenido en mi vida. Sí, fuiste una lección and I’ll know better next time, if I ever decide to try and love again, but you were that one lesson in life I wished I could have skipped somehow. Unfortunately, now it’s too late to do anything about it.

Sólo quería que supieras que no importa cuánto tiempo pase, no importa que tenga a alguien nuevo en mi vida, no importa si te arrepientes de haberme hecho todo esto o no, I don’t and I will never forgive you for making me feel like I’m not good enough.

Nunca te perdonaré por hacerme odiar mis deseos.

Nunca te perdonaré que no lucharas por mí.

Nunca te perdonaré que no me ames o que utilices mi amor.

Nunca te perdonaré que me hayas hecho dudar de mí misma y olvidar mis valores.

I don’t forgive you for bringing me down.

I don’t forgive you, and I will never be able to forgive you, for making me feel like I’m not good enough.

Nevertheless, I don’t want anyone to do to you what you did to me because I don’t think you’d be capable of enduring the pain you’ve put me through.

You would not survive the broken soul and broken heart. You’re not as strong as I am. And you will never be. This is my only consolation.