7 señales alarmantes de que su pareja es pasivo-agresiva

Let’s be real – sometimes, we’re all guilty of passive-aggressive behavior. I know I am, even though I’m aware of how toxic it is.

Hay situaciones en las que resulta más fácil quedarse callado o enfurruñarse que hacer las cosas con madurez emocional y expresar las emociones de forma saludable.

As long as it doesn’t happen frequently and you identify it as harmful, there is probably nothing to be worried about.

But what if you’re dealing with someone who is completely unaware of their behavioral patterns?

¿Cómo tratar a una pareja cuya principal forma de comunicación es la agresión pasiva?

Espera, ¿qué significa pasivo agresivo? La Clínica Mayo define pasivo-agresivo comportamiento como “a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them.”

1. Tratamiento silencioso

When you get in an argument with a passive-aggressive individual, you’ll never get them to respond. They won’t tell you what’s bothering them, nor will they name your mistakes out loud.

Instead, what you’ll get is something else: the silent treatment and sulking. You’ll see that they’re in a bad mood and that something is wrong, but not one word will come out of their mouth.

Aquellas parejas que se pelean constantemente en una relación y tienen la Segunda Guerra Mundial en marcha todos los días podrían asumir que esto es algo refrescante después de todo el drama. Pero créeme, ¡esto es una señal de alarma!

Mantener reprimidas las emocionesLa violencia, incluidos los sentimientos de ira, no es sana. Toda forma de comunicación directa, que a veces incluye discutir, es mejor que las formas pasivo-agresivas de manejar las cosas.

¿Cómo manejarlo?

If you’re in a relación pasivo-agresiva, your partner has to improve their communication skills – that’s pretty clear. But they can’t do it without your help.

Lo mejor es dejar que se enfríen un poco y darles espacio. Don’t ask for answers right away, and let the situation calm down before engaging in another confrontation.

After enough time has passed, go back to the passive-aggressive individual and tell them that you want to acknowledge their feelings. Tell them that they’re being heard and encourage them to speak up.

2. Sarcasmo e ironía

Another example of passive-aggressive behavior is the excessive use of sarcasm and irony. Let’s be honest – we all use it from time to time, but the difference here is that people who suffer from passive-aggressive disorder use sarcasm to mask their true feelings.

En lugar de criticarte abiertamente, te insultan sutilmente. Al mismo tiempo, esperan que captes la indirecta y cambies mágicamente lo que les molesta.

Let’s take this as an example: Your co-worker, family member, or partner doesn’t like your outfit choice for the day.

But when you ask them what they think about it, they’ll say something like, “Oh, your sweater is really nice. Did you borrow it from your grandma?” or “I like it. But I didn’t know the 80s are back in style.”

¿Cómo manejarlo?

La peor idea es seguir la corriente y responder con otra broma sarcástica. Sé que quieres darles a probar de su propia medicina, pero créeme, esto ahondará aún más el conflicto.

Instead, let them know that you’re perfectly aware of what they’re doing. Tell them loud and clear that they’re allowed to express their opinion without insulting you.

3. Obstinación y hosquedad

Los signos más comunes de agresión pasiva son la terquedad, la hosquedad y el comportamiento hostil.

De hecho, en 2009, un equipo de expertos realizó un estudio. Psiquiatría Procesos interpersonales y biológicos: La validez de constructo del trastorno pasivo-agresivo de la personalidad, en pacientes con trastorno pasivo-agresivo.

¿Y adivina qué? La mayoría eran hoscos y discutidores.

To be honest, we’re all guilty of this from time to time. Nevertheless, when these responses become the only form of opposition a person is able to display, that’s definitely a red flag.

¿Qué significa esto en una relación sentimental? Pues que tienes ciertas exigencias para con tu pareja.

And it’s perfectly normal that they disagree with some of your conditions or are unable to meet sus normas. That’s not the issue – the issue is that they won’t say anything about it.

Instead, they’ll begin to fail even more, just in spite. Also, they’ll get all gloomy and sad without telling you the real reason behind this type of behavior.

¿Cómo afrontarlo?

El mejor consejo que puedo darte es elige tus batallas. Si quieres intentar arreglar esta relación, keep in mind that you can’t change this about your partner, so don’t lose it over every little thing they get stubborn or hostile about.

4. Quejas constantes

Según algunos estudios científicos, existe una estrecha relación entre la agresividad pasiva y el trastorno negativista de la personalidad. Las personas pasivo-agresivas suelen ser también pesimistas y rara vez ven algo positivo en la vida.

En pocas palabras: las personas pasivo-agresivas se quejan todo el tiempo. Pero rara vez protestan contra algo concreto.

En realidad, se quejan y refunfuñan todo el tiempo. They’re obviously not happy with their own mental well-being but refuse to do anything about it.

Instead, they prefer spreading their negative energy all over the place and destroying everyone else’s wellness in the process.

¿Cómo manejarlo?

If negativity is one of your partner’s predominant personality traits, the most important thing is not to let it get you. Don’t let their negativity take what’s best from you.

Mientras tanto, siempre puedes hacer todo lo posible por mostrarles toda la belleza que ofrece la vida.

5. Negar el resentimiento

It’s perfectly normal to feel resentful from time to time, especially when we’ve been treated unfairly. Nevertheless, it’s unfair to claim that everything is fine when you’re actually holding a grudge about something that went on ages ago.

That’s exactly what your partner does. They’re frustrated and bitter but refuse to admit it. And when you call them out on their behavior, they accuse you of being crazy.

You’re nowhere near perfection, and you admit that you made a mistake in the past. But if they say they forgave you, should that really be held against you for the rest of your life?

¡De ninguna manera!

¿Cómo manejarlo?

Ante todo, haz todo lo posible por corregir tus errores. Pero si sabes que te disculpaste e hiciste todo lo que estuvo en tu mano para mostrar remordimiento, ignora sus formas pasivo-agresivas. Don’t let your SO make you feel guilty about something they allegedly forgave you for.

6. Desvalorización de la víctima

Passive aggression is frequently connected with a narcissistic personality disorder. To be exact, it’s one of the symptoms of covert narcisismo pasivo-agresivo.

If you’re dealing with this type of narcissist, they’ll use all of their energy to make you feel less worthy. They’ll put a lot of effort into lowering your self-esteem and eventually destroying your mental well-being.

The trick is that they won’t use direct insults – at least, not at first. But have you ever heard of something called backhanded compliments? It’s an even more efficient tool for killing someone’s self-esteem.

Básicamente, un cumplido por la espalda es una mezcla perfecta de un cumplido y un insulto. Por ejemplo, si te ascienden, tu pareja narcisista dirá algo así:

“I didn’t expect you to get that promotion. Well done”.

Do you see what they did there? At first glance, they congratulated you, but actually, they showed that they never believed in you or that you didn’t deserve it.

The problem is that most victims don’t get this right away. Instead, their partners have been sabotaging them for years with the help of these and similar técnicas de manipulación.

Sin darte cuenta, dejas de creer en ti mismo. Piensas que nada de lo que haces es lo bastante bueno y tu autoestima queda arruinada.

¿Cómo manejarlo?

Lo mejor es salir de esta situación cuanto antes. Pero sé que dejar atrás a un narcisista es un proceso, así que hasta que eso ocurra, por favor, trabaja en tu confianza.

Remember that nobody is more important than your mental health and wellness. Instead of focusing on their insults, focus on all the good things you’ve achieved.

Keep in mind that someone else’s opinion can never define who you are. Besides, your partner obviously sees that you’re way better than them; otherwise, they wouldn’t have felt the need to devalue your worth at all costs.

7. Procrastinación

Missing deadlines, showing up late, never getting anything done, deliberately underachieving, stalling, making excuses… Can you relate this to your partner? In that case, you’re dealing with a passive-aggressive person.

Permítame decirle que todas estas son señales de alarma de un comportamiento pasivo-agresivo. Esto es bastante común en personas con tipos de personalidad evasiva.

I’ll be dead honest with you here. If your partner does all of this, they’re doing it to drive you crazy.

Sooner or later, you’ll complain about their irresponsible behavior. And you know what will happen then? They’ll play dumb and act as if they have no idea what you’re talking about.

Naturally, you’ll get angry, and they’ll just give you the silent treatment and act all offended.

¿Cómo manejarlo?

Cohabitar con una persona así parece misión imposible. Pero hasta que la dejes, intenta no depender de ella para las cosas que te importan.

Do you want your partner to mow the lawn? Trust me – it’s better to do it yourself or call the gardener.

But this is also a situation where you have to pick your battles. Don’t get annoyed over things that don’t affect you at all.

For example, if they refuse to go to their doctor’s appointment or procrastinate over finally taking that last exam – that’s their problem. Just let them be and show them that their toxic personality traits don’t bother you at all.