¿Por qué nadie quiere salir conmigo? 10 consejos para encontrar el amor
“Why does nobody want to date me?”
It’s not uncommon to hear this from a troubled 15- year-old high school student who’s still learning how to make their way through life and relationships. At that age, everyone knows a limited number of people they could date, and every single one of them is confused, so not being able to find someone is nothing out of the ordinary.
However, when you’re an adult who’s asking the same question, you’re not in the same situation. Sabes cómo funcionan las citas y conoces a gente fuera de tu entorno más cercano. Si todo el mundo a tu alrededor está emparejándose y empezando su vida con una pareja, puede que te sientas desesperanzado.
Do you wonder what it is about you that’s so unattractive that no one wants you? Tenga la seguridad de que su falta de pareja romántica no tiene nada que ver con su atractivo. It’s all related to your feelings and behavior, which you can start to work on and change as soon as you realize what exactly is going on.
Una vez que descubras la verdadera razón, podrás empezar a tratarla y abrir la puerta para invitar a alguien con quien compartir tu vida.
Why Does Nobody Want To Date Me? What’s Wrong With Me?
I’m sure you’ve seen someone who’s less attractive, less intelligent, less interesting than you, someone unkind or ill-natured, and they had a partner in their life who loved them. If you thought, “Why does nobody want to date me when this objectively horrible person has someone?” The simple and only answer is that they’re still a person, and everyone deserves love.
“So how come no one wants to date me ?” you might ask, and the answer is because you’re not letting anyone love you . The only reason that mean person is married and you’re not even dating is because they let someone in. Let’s look at all the reasons you’re depriving yourself of love and find out how to let go and invite it into your life.
1. You believe you’re not worthy of love
En primer lugar, debe creer que usted son digno de amor . Not because you’re special, not because you’re you, or any other platitude. The real reason is because eres un ser humano, y sin falta, todo el mundo es digno de amor.
There are plenty of reasons you might believe you don’t deserve love – the way you were raised, your life experience, even if someone said so to you. Deshacerse de estas creencias perjudiciales puede ser muy difícil.
Therapy can help, but therapy isn’t magic. You still need to do the work necessary to restore your self-esteem or build it from the ground up if you never had any in the first place .
There’s a voice deep in your subconscious telling you things like, “no one will ever love you,” “why would someone pick you over anyone else,” “you’re unattractive,” “you’re useless,” and a number of other damaging examples of negative self-talk.
En el fondo, sabes que la voz que te dice estas cosas está equivocada, pero sigues creyéndola. Su viaje hacia una autoestima sana y la confianza tiene que empezar por que tomes la decisión de afrontarlo de una vez por todas.
Priorícese a sí mismo y a su salud mental. Even if you feel like loving yourself is arrogant, unearned, and delusional, push through because those thoughts are just a product of years of hurt you’ve been exposed to attacking you. Defiéndete amándote a ti mismo. Acknowledge that you’re a person, and you deserve to be loved.
2. You don’t show vulnerability
This is often related to the belief that you’re unworthy of love. You’re ashamed of yourself in some way, and you play it cool to avoid showing something about yourself that you don’t want other people to see.
Your insecurities are preventing you from opening up and showing your true self because you’re afraid that people will think you’re pathetic, ridiculous, shameful, or whatever else your inner voice is telling you.
You might think you’re acting naturally, but are you? Sometimes people levantar un muro of sarcasm, or they’re the funny one, or the bubbly one, or another que adoptan para ocultar su vulnerabilidad.
You might even say that you’re not really interested in meeting anyone so that people won’t pity you because you’re single when in reality, there’s nothing you’d like better. You might hide behind being busy, self-sufficient, or uninterested because you’re afraid to show yourself.
People pick up on these vibes and feel intimidated. You project an image of disinterest, and people feel like they would be rejected if they approached you, so they don’t even try. Primero tienes que aceptarte a ti mismo.
Debes afrontar tu dolor, tu vergüenza y tu fragilidad. Sólo cuando reconozcas las cosas que ocultas y las aceptes plenamente podrás empezar a abrirte y a mostrar a la gente quién eres.
A veces fracasas. A veces tienes éxito. A veces lloras. You don’t have to be perfect all the time. In fact, only when you‘re not will people be able to feel close to you.
3. You’re needy
If hiding vulnerability makes people intimidated, being too needy makes people feel repulsed. What’s the difference between being vulnerable and being needy ?
Mostrar vulnerabilidad es una cualidad positiva que se encuentra entre ocultarse y ser necesitado. Vulnerability is a good thing. It’s desirable because it shows your true heart. Neediness shows your heart but exige y pide que otros se ocupen de ello lo cual es desagradable.
Being needy puts responsibility for your feelings on others, and this immediately makes them not want to have anything to do with you. When you’re looking for a partner, neediness can make you seem different from the loving person you are – someone who is too much responsibility.
¿Cómo ser vulnerable sin estar necesitado? En primer lugar, debes aprender a satisfacer tus propias necesidades y no esperar que los demás lo hagan. When you don’t depend on anyone to give you what you need, you’re not putting pressure on them.
For example, telling your friend that you have a problem and want to talk to them about it is you being vulnerable. Getting mad at them because they’re too busy to meet with you today is needy .
In this case, you need to understand that your friend has their own issues too. They’re prioritizing themselves, which you should do too. You have to learn to handle your own issues and be grateful if you‘re offered help instead of demanding it. Así es como deja de estar necesitado .
4. You’re not actually looking
Be honest with yourself – are you actually looking for someone to date? The perfect person won’t just show up at your door one day, ready to take you out. ¿Te estás exponiendo y conocer gente ¿quién podría ser un buen partido para ti?
Do you pretend you don’t want anyone at all because you think you won’t find someone, so you’ve given up?
If this is why you can’t find anyone, then the solution is easy. Encuentra alguna forma de encontrar a alguien y conectar con él. Algunas personas tienen éxito con citas en línea y las redes sociales , mientras que otros prefieren conocer gente a través de amigos y conocidos.
Make a profile on a dating site if you think that would work for you, but be smart about creating it. Your profile should make it clear what you’re looking for. Intenta ser lo más sincero posible sobre quién eres para que tu perfil resulte interesante a alguien que busque a una persona como tú.
To find someone more directly, let everyone know that you’re looking: your friends, family, and colleagues. Some of them definitely already have someone in mind for you but were reluctant to mention it because you claim you’re not looking. Deposita tu confianza en ellos y dales una oportunidad.
The worst that can happen is that you don’t like whoever they set you up with, and then you just move on.
5. Te autosaboteas
¿Por qué nadie quiere salir contigo? Porque podrías estar haciendo cosas para desanimarles cuando muestran interés. “This can’t be real,” you must be thinking. “Why would I push people away when I want to find someone?”
Esto está relacionado con el primer punto anterior: falta de autoestima . Sometimes when people feel like they don’t deserve something, they can’t accept it when it’s given to them. When this happens, hacen todo lo posible para que se la quiten.
Autosabotaje is often characterized by self-destructive behavior. People self-sabotage by doing things that stop them from getting something that would be good for them, yet they’re afraid of it. For example, someone might fail at work on purpose to prevent a possible promotion that would give them responsibilities they’re afraid of.
Cuando se trata de citas, you might be subconsciously looking for ways to discourage someone who’s interested in you because you don’t want that person in particular or you’re afraid of a relationship . Maybe you give them a hard time or show a side of you that’s unattractive on purpose so things never go past the first date .
A better approach is to be honest if you’re not interested in someone. If you’re self-sabotaging out of fear, working on your sense of self-worth will be helpful.
6. You want people who don’t want you
It’s not that nobody wants to date you. It’s that you want specific people, and it turns out that they’re not interested. This isn’t the end of the world. It has nothing to do with how good looking or interesting you are. It’s okay that not everyone you like likes you back, only one person.
Why, then, can’t that one person you like be into you as well? Unfortunately, we don’t choose who we like, but the good news is that it’s possible to move on, keep looking, and find someone else if that one person doesn’t like us.
Being stuck with a crush might also be a sign that one of the points above might be an issue. If you always choose people who don’t want you back, it might signify self-sabotage. Elegir el tipo de persona who won’t like you back is a sure way of not getting into a relationship.
The problem might also be that you’re looking for love in the wrong places. Some people are lucky to enter a healthy relationship with someone they’ve met on a dating app , but very often, la gente que conoces en Tinder sólo está interesada en ligar y no saliendo.
This is why it might seem like nobody wants to date you when, in fact, the person you’ve met is only looking for single women or men for casual encounters and aren’t there because they want to date the person they meet.
7. You’re afraid of getting hurt
El miedo a salir herido es razonable, pero cuando se convierte en paralizante, quizá sea el momento de dar un paso atrás y optar por un poco de confianza y fe en los demás. A mucha gente son auténticos y sólo buscan una relación feliz.
This fear can stem from trauma – if your parents’ relationship or other relationships you were around growing up were unhealthy. Perhaps you were burned in a past relationship , and now you can’t move past it. Even people who were never in any kind of relationship can be terrified of what would happen if their partner betrayed and hurt them.
Una de las formas en que la miedo a hacerse daño puede ser precisamente lo que te perjudique es cuando te lleva a evitar por completo a las personas que podrían estar interesadas en ti y a aislarte. Retroceder y retirarse del juego parece la única forma de protegerse, pero resulta contraproducente.
Don’t let yourself regret the things you didn’t do. Acepta que un poco de dolor es inevitable. Incluso las relaciones más felices pueden terminar de forma dolorosa, y no hay garantías. Debes salir ahí fuera y elegir entrar en una nueva relación , y ella vendrá a ti.
8. Se siente presionado para encontrar pareja
If your dating life, or lack thereof, is a constant topic among your family and friends, you’re probably sick of it. Ser empujado a encontrar el amor when it’s not happening gives you a sense of shame and can lead you to despair.
Esta presión incesante puede hacerte sentir que algo va mal en ti por no ser capaz de encontrar pareja. Debes tener claro que no tener pareja no es nada extraordinario y que todo está bien.
Everyone moves at their own pace. Some people meet the person they stay with for the rest of their lives when they’re very young, and others never find the one. Both of these situations and everything in between is perfectly normal.
La presión por encontrar pareja también puede afectar a la relación con la familia. You might start avoiding them because you can’t listen to them anymore. Then the first time you do actually meet someone, you might be reluctant to let anyone know because you’re afraid of their reaction if it doesn’t work out.
La solución es hablar tranquilamente con las personas que siempre te preguntan por tu amar la vida and tell them that you don’t appreciate it. Be honest and let them know it’s pressuring you. Then decide what you want to do, look for a relationship for real, or stay single. No one’s opinion except yours matters.
9. Tienes expectativas poco realistas sobre el romance
You’re looking for the perfect person , so any potential partner who doesn’t have everything on your checklist is immediately out of the running as your future true love .
If your idea of a romantic relationship comes from the media, it might be unrealistic. It’s not that nobody wants to date you – you just have the wrong idea of what’s possible and what’s healthy.
Puede ocurrirte un gran romance, pero nueve de cada diez veces, si empieza como en las películas, se convertirá en una relación tóxica que sólo te dejará heridas.
A real happy romance starts with respect and kindness. Someone who comes to sweep you off your feet and does so with nothing but grand gestures isn’t who you should be looking for. Don’t wait for what you think love debe ser, sino centrarse en lo que realmente es.
Love shouldn’t hurt . Having to fight for love isn’t a sign of romance. Love at first sight isn’t a sign of finding your soulmate. Just because someone doesn’t have everything you’re looking for at first glance doesn’t mean that giving them a chance would mean you’re settling.
A happy, healthy, and loving relationship is possible with someone who shares your values, who’s willing to compromise, and who can open up and share their heart with you. If they don’t have the hair color you prefer, or you don’t like what they do for a living, you shouldn’t immediately rule them out.
10. Nunca das el primer paso
It’s entirely possible that someone who liked you was afraid to let you know because they thought you weren’t interested. If you’re the kind of person who never makes the first move, this might happen to you a lot.
You might think no one wants you when in reality, people simply don’t show their feelings. Other people might have the same issues as you. Maybe that person you’ve had a crush on for months likes you but feels like there’s no way you like them back.
Falta un poco de valentía por ambas partes de lo que podría convertirse en una relación seria . A veces basta con dar a la otra persona una señal clara.
Women are especially guilty of waiting for the other person to make a move, but guys tend to do this too. Try having a little courage in the face of fear of rejection. That‘s the worst that can happen, but si vas con la convicción de que ser rechazado no influye en tu valor como persona, resulta mucho más fácil.
Todo empieza con amor y voluntad
When you feel lonely and unloved, the world seems like a sad place. Asking the universe, “Why does nobody want to date me?” can make you feel alone and hopeless. It’s understandable if it makes you feel overwhelmed and defeated and ready to give up.
But don’t surrender yet. Para encontrar a alguien que te quiera, debes empezar por quererte a ti mismo. Unless you feel like you’re worthy of love , you won’t find it. So don’t sit around waiting – get up and do everything you have to do to be the first one to love you.
Después de aumentar la confianza en ti mismo, debes elegir querer una relación. The first step to getting anything in this world is to want it, and that desire is what makes you work for it. When you decide that you’re truly ready and want to find someone, you’ll succeed.
Cuando se cumplen estas dos condiciones, se puede superar todo lo demás. Su voluntad de encontrar el amor te hará luchar por ella, y tu sentido de la autoestima te hará trabajar todos los demás problemas mentales y emocionales que te están frenando.
¡Buena suerte en su camino!
