¿Por qué no le gusto a la gente? Razones y soluciones
Think of the kindest, friendliest, most interesting person you know, and you can be sure that there’s still someone out there who hates them. Whenever you ask yourself, “Why don’t people like me?” remember that there’s no one out there who doesn’t have their own share of disapproval.
Feeling that you’re disliked more than other people can be just that – a feeling – and the reality is that people like you and dislike you as much as anyone else.
Those who don’t like you might feel that way for reasons that don’t involve you. There’s nothing you can do about this except accept it, let go, and find new friends.
Por otro lado, a veces eres tú. The way you act and how others perceive you can cause them not to like you. The good news is that if you’re willing to work on it, this is something that can be changed.
Why Don’t People Like Me? Is It Me Or Them?
It’s only human to want people to like you. You crave acceptance and belonging, and without them, your well-being suffers. Sentirse poco querido means that one of your basic human needs isn’t fulfilled.
Creer que no le gustas a nadie es perjudicial para tu salud mental y causa baja autoestima. If you often think thoughts like “Why don’t people like me?” it could mean that you’re already feeling the consequences of this.
¿Qué puedes hacer? En primer lugar, necesitas ser consciente de ti mismo. Sé sincero contigo mismo sobre por qué puedes no gustar a la gente.. If you don’t know, pay more attention to your behavior and what others are like around you.
Hay dos razones por las que puedes caerle mal a la gente: por sus propios problemas y por cómo la tratas.
Cuando no le gustas a la gente por sus propios problemas
When people dislike you because of something that has nothing to do with you, that’s really their problem. In this case, all you can do is move on.
Accepting that you can’t be liked by everyone comes with time and experience. Al final aprendes qué opiniones son importantes y te centras en mejorar tus relaciones con ellas. People who don’t like you for personal reasons don’t matter.
These are some of the personal reasons people don’t like you.
• You come from different backgrounds.
Some people simply can’t find things to like about someone who is too different from them. They might be prejudiced or just lack experience with people who aren’t like them. They don’t see you as a person but as someone who is ‘other.’
They can change, but it’s really not your job to make them see the light unless you’re very patient and want to pave the way for others who come in contact with them after you.
These situations happen with family members, schoolmates, co-workers, and people you have to socialize with in general who you maybe wouldn’t if you had a choice.
• Something about you triggers them.
When something about you reminds a person of things about themselves they don’t like or things they want to be and aren’t, it can trigger a negative reaction. You annoy them on a deep level, and they probably don’t even know why.
You might have personality traits they either hate in themselves or want for themselves, so every time they see you, they’re reminded of this. Puede ser algo grande o algo completamente insignificante.
Alguien así puede cambiar si aprende a quererse a sí mismo.
• They want something from you that they can’t get.
Cuando alguien te envidia, suele expresarlo como odio. Someone who wants to have your success, looks, or personality can feel deep resentment towards you even when you’ve done nothing to them directly.
This also happens when they want you to act a certain way and you won’t. For example, someone who is overly controlling might dislike you if you don’t act how they want you to in social situations you’re both in.
Cuando no caes bien a la gente por tu comportamiento
Puede ser duro admitir que a veces puedes caerle mal a la gente por tu forma de ser. Judging others is far easier to do than judging ourselves, which is why if you want people’s opinions of you to change, you need to be self-aware.
Sólo cuando te des cuenta de tus tendencias y comportamientos podrás cambiarlos. When you become someone people feel comfortable around, they’ll like you more.
Sea sincero consigo mismo as you go through this list of possible reasons that might cause people to dislike you. If you recognize some of your behaviors, don’t immediately become self-defensive.
Piensa en esto como una oportunidad para cambiar a mejor y conseguir lo que quieres, y eso es convertirte en alguien a quien la gente aprecia y quiere de verdad.
1. You don’t like yourself, and it shows.
Self-love is always the first step to healthy relationships. Giving love to others and having them love you back is very hard if you don’t appreciate yourself in the first place.
If you don’t like who you are as a person or don’t like your life, how can you expect others to like you? Si desea deja de pensar que nadie te querrá nuncaEl primer paso es quererse incondicionalmente.
Acéptate a ti mismo, lo bueno y lo malo. Practica el autocuidado apreciándote no sólo como eres, sino también trabajando para ser mejor persona. Just because you might not be there yet, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve compassion.
2. Hablas y hablas y hablas.
People definitely won’t like you if you talk so much that no one can get a word in, or if you only talk about yourself. La forma de cambiar esto es centrarse en saber escuchar.
If you don’t listen to others while they speak to hear what they’re saying, but only because you’re waiting for your turn, they’ll notice and won’t want to talk to you. It’s even worse if you interrupt them as they speak to change the topic to yourself.
Escuchándoles, tienes la oportunidad de conocerles mejor. Cuando muestras verdadero interés por los demás, ellos también se sentirán interesados por ti.
3. Pones nerviosa a la gente.
There are many reasons you could make people feel uneasy around you. If you’re the type of person whose behavior makes people nervous, it stands to reason they won’t like spending time with you.
Puedes poner nerviosa a la gente y preocuparte por tus reacciones por motivos como:
- Ser intimidante y tener problemas de iralo que puede hacer que la gente te tenga miedo.
- Ser implacable, obsesivo y rencoroso en lugar de seguir adelante puede hacer que la gente se ponga nerviosa por cometer errores a tu alrededor.
- Ser mandón y controladorPor ejemplo, decir a menudo a los demás lo que tienen que hacer hace que no quieran estar en su empresa.
- Ser frío, distante y distanciadoLa gente puede sentirse desconectada de ti y preguntarse si quieres estar allí.
The solution to this is to consider other people’s feelings. Don’t expect anything from others, and show them respect. Piensa antes de actuar y ten en cuenta cómo afecta tu comportamiento a los demás.
4. You’re a know-it-all.
Talking at people and explaining things to them instead of having a conversation makes people feel like you’re lecturing them rather than talking to them. A nadie le gusta estar cerca de alguien que sermonea y le hace sentirse pequeño.
If you’re always offering unsolicited advice, it can make other people think that you don’t respect their opinions and that you doubt their ability to make their own decisions.
Esta es otra forma de desviar el tema de los demás hacia uno mismo y apoderarse de la conversación. It’s a clear sign that you don’t care what the other person talked about and that all you want is to show how smart you are.
En lugar de tener una opinión sobre todo, hay que dar a todos la oportunidad de hablar y pensar por sí mismos.
5. Juzgas y criticas.
Juzgar con rapidez, tener algo negativo que decir sobre todo y regañar son formas de menospreciar a los demás.
People who do this make others not want to be around them because it’s a form of bullying. No one wants to willingly put themselves in this situation.
Antes de que te tomes las cosas a mal y empieces a machacarte por ser una mala persona, debes saber que esto es algo que la gente suele hacer inconscientemente. It’s almost always a sign of being unhappy with yourself.
Dedica tiempo a profundizar y examinar por qué haces cosas así. Qué hay en tu vida que te hace tan infeliz como para alejar a la gente? Afrontar esto y tomar la decisión consciente de respetar a los demás puede ayudarte a dejar de ser excesivamente crítico.
6. Cambias la culpa.
If things are never your fault, you seem like the kind of person who doesn’t asuma la responsabilidad de sus actos. La gente se siente reacia a salir contigo porque luego podrías culparles.
¿Culpas a otras personas, a las circunstancias, a los accidentes y a lo que surja de las cosas que haces en lugar de asumir la responsabilidad de tu propia vida? If you do, other people can’t rely on you to admit your mistakes or do things you should.
If you have an excuse for everything, you seem like you don’t care about taking steps to change the things you don’t like and that you won’t stop doing things that bother other people.
7. You’re selfish.
Si realmente sólo te preocupas de ti mismo, la gente se da cuenta. Se refleja en la forma en que haces que todo en tus relaciones gire en torno a ti.
For example, when you’re making plans with someone, you’re always looking to accommodate your own needs, and the others are supposed to compromise. If you’re always late and don’t think it’s a big deal, you show that you disrespect other people’s time and don’t consider it as valuable as yours.
If you’re all talk and unreliable, people stop counting on you. One by one, you’ll lose the friends you have. You probably don’t mean to be selfish, but people who are self-centered never do.
The solution is to try putting yourself in other people’s shoes. Trabaja tus habilidades sociales e intenta encontrar formas de ser más complaciente con los demás.. Don’t do things you wouldn’t want done to you.
8. You’re not nice/You’re too nice.
Ser malo y ser un bonachón pueden parecer dos caras de la misma moneda, y ninguna es buena.
Why would anyone want to be around someone who’s rude to people, calls them names, or offends them? If you’re inconsiderate and mean, people will push you away, and for good reason. It’s even worse if you don’t see anything wrong with your behavior.
Por otro lado, las personas demasiado amables pueden parecer falsas y con intenciones, o fáciles de convencer para quien quiera intimidarlas.
If you’re siempre cuidando de los demás without giving a thought to yourself, a lot of people will think you’re either suspicious or spineless.
Both of these types of behavior stem from the belief that you’re not equal to other people. If you think they’re below you, you don’t see a reason to treat them kindly. If you think they’re above you, you feel like you should humble yourself.
Trabaja la confianza en ti mismo y busca el equilibrio si crees que es algo que te plantea problemas.
9. Intentas impresionar.
When you don’t believe that people will appreciate you as you are, you try to get validation in ways that often result in just the opposite.
Hay muchas formas de intentar impresionar a los demás.
- Presumes y alardeas using anything you think might give you an advantage. This is off-putting and will have the opposite effect of what you’re trying to accomplish. Deja que la gente te reconozca por sí misma en lugar de demasiado fuerte.
- You pretend you’re someone you’re not. When you don’t really like yourself, you don’t believe that people will like you the way you are, so you wear masks around others. You can pretend to be someone confident, cool, happy, or try to be someone else entirely.
Mostrar su verdadero yo y dejarse llevar por la vulnerabilidad es la única forma de conectar con la gente. You can’t hide if you want to create happy relationships and find good friends and romantic partners.
- You’re too competitive. If you always have to one-up others, they won’t think you’re awesome but that you’re not someone who’s fun to be around. Un poco de competencia está muy bien, pero tener que ganar a toda costa alejará a la gente y hará que tengas que competir contigo mismo.
- You’re a people pleaser. Don’t always try to say what you think others want you to think. Don’t be available whenever someone needs you. You don’t always have to adapt to everyone.
La primera vez que digas que no, la gente mostrará su verdadera cara y se enfadará porque te dan por sentado.
10. You’re negative.
If being around you is depressing for other people, they’ll find ways to avoid socializing with you. You probably don’t intend to be negative, but if you focus too much on bad things, you stop feeling positive energy.
Quejarse o cotillear mucho son algunos de the signs that you’re a negative person. People have their own problems, and sometimes if they’ve had a bad day, your negativity can make them feel worse.
Hablar con alguien que se queja constantemente de todo es agotador. Además, cotillear en exceso hace que la gente piense que también hablas de ellos a sus espaldas.
Instead of making people avoid you because you’re not good company to be around, try to find good things to talk about. This doesn’t mean you can never complain, but people won’t like you if that’s all you talk about.
11. You’re closed-minded.
Mantener la mente abierta y ser tolerante hace que la gente quiera abrirse y compartir contigo, lo que conduce a estrechar las relaciones personales.
Respetar a las personas y sus decisiones es clave para hacer amigos. If you’re a snob who looks down on people’s choices or comments on their lifestyle, you seem arrogant, prejudiced, and generally not fun to be around.
For example, if you have a comment about people using too much social media every time someone sends a text message or opens Instagram, people won’t want to hang out with you. It’s even worse if you show that you disapprove of things people consider important.
12. You’re dishonest.
La gente que miente cree que puede ocultarlo, pero incluso cuando la otra persona no tiene ni idea, tu lenguaje corporal, la falta de contacto visual o las incoherencias le darán la impresión de que algo va mal.
It doesn’t matter why you’re lying; it’s bad for your relationships. Aunque la otra persona se lo crea a corto plazo, perderá la fe en ti a largo plazo. Incluso las pequeñas mentiras piadosas para parecer mejor hacen que la gente deje de confiar en ti.
If you embellish or even make up stories to make it seem like what happens to you is more interesting and exciting than it really is, you’re not really accomplishing anything. People will see right through it sooner or later, and it won’t make a difference.
13. Creas drama.
A veces, las personas que siempre generan drama son divertidas y entretenidas, pero envejecen muy pronto. Tener algo emocional y lleno de adrenalina todo el tiempo puede ser emocionante, pero también hace que la gente se distancie de ti.
Estas son algunas formas puede que seas un desastre:
- No tienes filtro.
• You react too quickly.
- You don’t deal with your problems.
• You look for drama when things are calm.
- Evitas la confrontación, sólo para escalar las cosas más tarde.
• You’re nosy.
• You let your temper get the best of you.
- Compartes temas personales rápidamente.
• You’re always asking for favors.
14. You’re boring.
La forma de hacer que la gente se interese por ti es ser interesante tú mismo. Algunas personas hacen cosas y les gustan cosas que a los demás les parecen interesantes, mientras que para otras puede ser una tarea pesada.
If people often reach for their phones while they’re spending time with you, there’s a chance that they might think you’re boring. Your behavior that people don’t like could be causada por la ansiedad social, or it’s simply a case of having hobbies and interests others don’t appreciate.
La forma de superarlo es volverse espontáneo y estar abierto a probar cosas nuevas y a ir a sitios nuevos.
Y lo que es más importante, deberías dejar de vivir dentro de tu propia cabeza y empezar a incluir a otras personas en tu vida. Esto cambiará tu forma de pensar y te convertirá en una persona más interesante.
¿Cómo consigo gustar a la gente?
La sensación de aislamiento derivada de sentir que no le gustas a nadie puede conducir a un sentimiento de desesperación y depresión. Feeling lonely makes you question your worth and value as a person, making you wonder what’s wrong with you.
Sentirse solo e ignorado durante demasiado tiempo puede hacerte olvidar cómo actuar con la gente, lo que a su vez puede alejarla, y salir de este círculo vicioso puede ser difícil.
Luckily, this is something that can be changed if you’re willing to be honest with yourself and put in the work. Cuando dejes de pensar en que te sientes solo y empieces a actuar, llegarán los resultados.
1. Sé tú mismo.
Allow people to get to know you. Become interesting by opening up. Don’t be afraid of being vulnerable.
2. Think about people’s feelings.
Don’t make them feel bad about who they are and what they do. Let go of grudges, and make it safe for people to show their feelings around you.
3. Don’t judge and criticize.
Instead, encourage and support. Be kind, and don’t be a bully.
4. Interésate de verdad por la gente.
Listen, pay attention and ask questions. Learn to communicate. Accept that you don’t know everything.
5. Respeta a los demás y sus opiniones.
Appreciate the other person’s ideas and acknowledge their importance.
6. Haz que la otra persona se sienta cómoda.
Don’t complain, admit your mistakes, and be friendly. Be humble and open-minded.
None of this will make people like you if it’s not real. Be sincere and honest. Realize that everyone is human – with fragile feelings and easily bruised egos.
El aprecio genuino hace que las personas se sientan bien consigo mismas, lo que a su vez hace que les gusten las personas que les han hecho sentirse así.
Empieza por quererte a ti mismo
There’s a difference between feeling unhappy because some people don’t like you and feeling that no one likes you.
Asking yourself, “Why don’t people like me?” is the first step towards becoming someone people like and want to be around. It’s important not to fall into a victim mentality and start blaming everyone and everything instead of looking inside yourself.
A menos que le caigas mal a la gente por sus propios problemas, algo en tu comportamiento suele alejarlos. La buena noticia es que ser consciente de los propios defectos permite solucionarlos.
