Porque é que as pessoas não gostam de mim? As razões e as soluções
Think of the kindest, friendliest, most interesting person you know, and you can be sure that there’s still someone out there who hates them. Whenever you ask yourself, “Why don’t people like me?” remember that there’s no one out there who doesn’t have their own share of disapproval.
Feeling that you’re disliked more than other people can be just that – a feeling – and the reality is that people like you and dislike you as much as anyone else.
Those who don’t like you might feel that way for reasons that don’t involve you. There’s nothing you can do about this except accept it, let go, and find new friends.
Por outro lado, por vezes somos nós. The way you act and how others perceive you can cause them not to like you. The good news is that if you’re willing to work on it, this is something that can be changed.
Why Don’t People Like Me? Is It Me Or Them?
It’s only human to want people to like you. You crave acceptance and belonging, and without them, your well-being suffers. Sentir-se mal amado means that one of your basic human needs isn’t fulfilled.
Acreditar que ninguém gosta de si é prejudicial para a sua saúde mental e provoca uma baixa autoestima. If you often think thoughts like “Why don’t people like me?” it could mean that you’re already feeling the consequences of this.
Então, o que é que se pode fazer? Antes de mais, é preciso ter auto-consciência. Seja honesto consigo próprio sobre as razões pelas quais as pessoas podem não gostar de si. If you don’t know, pay more attention to your behavior and what others are like around you.
Há duas razões para as pessoas não gostarem de si: os seus próprios problemas e a forma como as trata.
Quando as pessoas não gostam de ti por causa dos seus próprios problemas
When people dislike you because of something that has nothing to do with you, that’s really their problem. In this case, all you can do is move on.
Accepting that you can’t be liked by everyone comes with time and experience. Acaba por saber quais são as opiniões importantes e concentra-se em melhorar as suas relações com elas. People who don’t like you for personal reasons don’t matter.
These are some of the personal reasons people don’t like you.
• You come from different backgrounds.
Some people simply can’t find things to like about someone who is too different from them. They might be prejudiced or just lack experience with people who aren’t like them. They don’t see you as a person but as someone who is ‘other.’
They can change, but it’s really not your job to make them see the light unless you’re very patient and want to pave the way for others who come in contact with them after you.
These situations happen with family members, schoolmates, co-workers, and people you have to socialize with in general who you maybe wouldn’t if you had a choice.
• Something about you triggers them.
When something about you reminds a person of things about themselves they don’t like or things they want to be and aren’t, it can trigger a negative reaction. You annoy them on a deep level, and they probably don’t even know why.
You might have personality traits they either hate in themselves or want for themselves, so every time they see you, they’re reminded of this. Pode ser algo grande ou completamente insignificante.
Uma pessoa assim pode mudar de opinião se aprender a gostar de si própria.
• They want something from you that they can’t get.
Quando alguém tem inveja de si, muitas vezes exprime-a sob a forma de ódio. Someone who wants to have your success, looks, or personality can feel deep resentment towards you even when you’ve done nothing to them directly.
This also happens when they want you to act a certain way and you won’t. For example, someone who is overly controlling might dislike you if you don’t act how they want you to in social situations you’re both in.
Quando as pessoas não gostam de si por causa do seu comportamento
Pode ser difícil admitir que, por vezes, as pessoas podem não gostar de si por causa da sua maneira de ser. Judging others is far easier to do than judging ourselves, which is why if you want people’s opinions of you to change, you need to be self-aware.
Só quando se aperceber das suas tendências e comportamentos é que será capaz de os mudar. When you become someone people feel comfortable around, they’ll like you more.
Seja honesto consigo próprio as you go through this list of possible reasons that might cause people to dislike you. If you recognize some of your behaviors, don’t immediately become self-defensive.
Pense nisto como uma oportunidade para mudar para melhor e alcançar o que deseja, ou seja, tornar-se alguém de quem as pessoas realmente gostam e apreciam.
1. You don’t like yourself, and it shows.
Self-love is always the first step to healthy relationships. Giving love to others and having them love you back is very hard if you don’t appreciate yourself in the first place.
If you don’t like who you are as a person or don’t like your life, how can you expect others to like you? Se quiser parar de pensar que nunca ninguém te vai amarO primeiro passo é amarmo-nos incondicionalmente.
Aceite-se a si próprio, no bom e no mau sentido. Pratique o autocuidado, valorizando-se não só como é, mas também trabalhando para se tornar uma pessoa melhor. Just because you might not be there yet, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve compassion.
2. Falas e falas e falas.
People definitely won’t like you if you talk so much that no one can get a word in, or if you only talk about yourself. A forma de mudar isto é concentrar-se em tornar-se um bom ouvinte.
If you don’t listen to others while they speak to hear what they’re saying, but only because you’re waiting for your turn, they’ll notice and won’t want to talk to you. It’s even worse if you interrupt them as they speak to change the topic to yourself.
Ao ouvir, tem a oportunidade de os conhecer melhor. Quando se mostra verdadeiro interesse pelos outros, eles também se sentirão interessados em si.
3. Deixas as pessoas nervosas.
There are many reasons you could make people feel uneasy around you. If you’re the type of person whose behavior makes people nervous, it stands to reason they won’t like spending time with you.
Pode deixar as pessoas nervosas e preocupadas com as suas reacções por razões como:
- Ser intimidante e ter problemas de raivaO que pode fazer com que as pessoas tenham medo de si.
- Não perdoar, guardar rancor em vez de seguir em frente, pode fazer com que as pessoas fiquem nervosas em relação a cometer erros perto de si.
- Ser mandão e controladorO facto de, por exemplo, dizer frequentemente aos outros o que devem fazer, faz com que não queiram estar na sua empresa.
- Ser frio, distante e isoladoSe o fizer, as pessoas podem sentir-se desligadas de si e perguntar-se se quer mesmo estar presente.
The solution to this is to consider other people’s feelings. Don’t expect anything from others, and show them respect. Pense antes de agir e tenha em conta a forma como o seu comportamento afecta os outros.
4. You’re a know-it-all.
Talking at people and explaining things to them instead of having a conversation makes people feel like you’re lecturing them rather than talking to them. Ninguém gosta de estar perto de alguém que prega e o faz sentir-se pequeno.
If you’re always offering unsolicited advice, it can make other people think that you don’t respect their opinions and that you doubt their ability to make their own decisions.
Esta é outra forma de desviar o assunto dos outros para si próprio e de assumir o controlo da conversa. It’s a clear sign that you don’t care what the other person talked about and that all you want is to show how smart you are.
Em vez de ter uma opinião sobre tudo, deve dar a todos a oportunidade de falar e pensar por si próprios.
5. Julga e critica.
Ser rápido a julgar, ter algo de negativo a dizer sobre tudo e ser chato são formas de deitar os outros abaixo.
People who do this make others not want to be around them because it’s a form of bullying. No one wants to willingly put themselves in this situation.
Antes de levar as coisas a mal e começar a bater em si próprio por ser uma má pessoa, deve saber que isto é algo que as pessoas fazem muitas vezes inconscientemente. It’s almost always a sign of being unhappy with yourself.
Arranje tempo para se aprofundar e analisar as razões que o levam a fazer este tipo de coisas. O que é que a sua vida tem que o torna suficientemente infeliz para afastar as pessoas? Lidar com isto e fazer uma escolha consciente de respeitar os outros pode ajudá-lo a deixar de ser demasiado crítico.
6. Desvia a culpa.
If things are never your fault, you seem like the kind of person who doesn’t assumir a responsabilidade pelos seus actos. As pessoas sentem-se relutantes em conviver consigo porque pode culpá-las a seguir.
Culpa as outras pessoas, as circunstâncias, os acidentes e tudo o mais que aparece pelas coisas que faz, em vez de assumir a responsabilidade pela sua própria vida? If you do, other people can’t rely on you to admit your mistakes or do things you should.
If you have an excuse for everything, you seem like you don’t care about taking steps to change the things you don’t like and that you won’t stop doing things that bother other people.
7. You’re selfish.
Se só nos preocupamos connosco, as pessoas percebem. Reflecte-se na forma como faz com que tudo nas suas relações seja sobre si próprio.
For example, when you’re making plans with someone, you’re always looking to accommodate your own needs, and the others are supposed to compromise. If you’re always late and don’t think it’s a big deal, you show that you disrespect other people’s time and don’t consider it as valuable as yours.
If you’re all talk and unreliable, people stop counting on you. One by one, you’ll lose the friends you have. You probably don’t mean to be selfish, but people who are self-centered never do.
The solution is to try putting yourself in other people’s shoes. Trabalhar as suas competências sociais e tentar encontrar formas de se tornar mais complacente com os outros. Don’t do things you wouldn’t want done to you.
8. You’re not nice/You’re too nice.
Ser mau e ser bonzinho pode parecer duas faces da mesma moeda, e nenhuma delas é boa.
Why would anyone want to be around someone who’s rude to people, calls them names, or offends them? If you’re inconsiderate and mean, people will push you away, and for good reason. It’s even worse if you don’t see anything wrong with your behavior.
Por outro lado, as pessoas demasiado simpáticas podem parecer falsas e como se tivessem um objetivo, ou como se fossem alvos fáceis para quem as quer intimidar.
If you’re sempre a cuidar dos outros without giving a thought to yourself, a lot of people will think you’re either suspicious or spineless.
Both of these types of behavior stem from the belief that you’re not equal to other people. If you think they’re below you, you don’t see a reason to treat them kindly. If you think they’re above you, you feel like you should humble yourself.
Trabalhe a sua auto-confiança e procure o equilíbrio se achar que tem problemas com isso.
9. Tentas impressionar.
When you don’t believe that people will appreciate you as you are, you try to get validation in ways that often result in just the opposite.
Há muitas formas de tentar impressionar os outros.
- Exibem-se e gabam-se using anything you think might give you an advantage. This is off-putting and will have the opposite effect of what you’re trying to accomplish. Deixe que as pessoas o reconheçam por si próprias em vez de a vir demasiado forte.
- You pretend you’re someone you’re not. When you don’t really like yourself, you don’t believe that people will like you the way you are, so you wear masks around others. You can pretend to be someone confident, cool, happy, or try to be someone else entirely.
Mostrar o seu verdadeiro eu e deixar-se vulnerável é a única forma de contactar com as pessoas. You can’t hide if you want to create happy relationships and find good friends and romantic partners.
- You’re too competitive. If you always have to one-up others, they won’t think you’re awesome but that you’re not someone who’s fun to be around. Um pouco de competição é ótimo, mas ter de ganhar a todo o custo afastará as pessoas e deixá-lo-á a competir consigo próprio.
- You’re a people pleaser. Don’t always try to say what you think others want you to think. Don’t be available whenever someone needs you. You don’t always have to adapt to everyone.
A primeira vez que disser "não", as pessoas mostrarão a sua verdadeira face e ficarão zangadas porque o tomam por garantido.
10. You’re negative.
If being around you is depressing for other people, they’ll find ways to avoid socializing with you. You probably don’t intend to be negative, but if you focus too much on bad things, you stop feeling positive energy.
Queixar-se ou coscuvilhar muito são algumas das the signs that you’re a negative person. People have their own problems, and sometimes if they’ve had a bad day, your negativity can make them feel worse.
Falar com alguém que está sempre a queixar-se de tudo é cansativo. Além disso, o facto de coscuvilhar excessivamente faz com que as pessoas pensem que também fala delas nas suas costas.
Instead of making people avoid you because you’re not good company to be around, try to find good things to talk about. This doesn’t mean you can never complain, but people won’t like you if that’s all you talk about.
11. You’re closed-minded.
Manter uma mente aberta e ser recetivo faz com que as pessoas queiram abrir-se e partilhar consigo, o que conduz a relações pessoais mais estreitas.
Respeitar as pessoas e as suas decisões é fundamental para fazer amigos. If you’re a snob who looks down on people’s choices or comments on their lifestyle, you seem arrogant, prejudiced, and generally not fun to be around.
For example, if you have a comment about people using too much social media every time someone sends a text message or opens Instagram, people won’t want to hang out with you. It’s even worse if you show that you disapprove of things people consider important.
12. You’re dishonest.
As pessoas que mentem pensam que o podem esconder, mas mesmo quando a outra pessoa não faz ideia do que se passa, a sua linguagem corporal, a falta de contacto visual ou as inconsistências dão-lhe a impressão de que algo está errado.
It doesn’t matter why you’re lying; it’s bad for your relationships. Mesmo que a outra pessoa acredite a curto prazo, perderá a confiança em si a longo prazo. Mesmo as pequenas mentiras brancas para se fazer parecer melhor fazem com que as pessoas deixem de confiar em si.
If you embellish or even make up stories to make it seem like what happens to you is more interesting and exciting than it really is, you’re not really accomplishing anything. People will see right through it sooner or later, and it won’t make a difference.
13. Cria drama.
Por vezes, as pessoas que estão sempre a fazer drama são divertidas e agradáveis de se estar perto, mas depressa se tornam velhas. Ter sempre algo emocional e cheio de adrenalina pode ser excitante, mas também faz com que as pessoas se distanciem de si.
Estas são algumas formas pode ser uma confusão quente:
- Não tens filtro.
• You react too quickly.
- You don’t deal with your problems.
• You look for drama when things are calm.
- Evita o confronto, para depois agravar a situação.
• You’re nosy.
• You let your temper get the best of you.
- Partilha rapidamente temas pessoais.
• You’re always asking for favors.
14. You’re boring.
A forma de fazer com que as pessoas se interessem por si é ser interessante. Algumas pessoas fazem e gostam naturalmente de coisas que os outros acham interessantes, enquanto que para outras isso pode ser uma tarefa aborrecida.
If people often reach for their phones while they’re spending time with you, there’s a chance that they might think you’re boring. Your behavior that people don’t like could be causada pela ansiedade social, or it’s simply a case of having hobbies and interests others don’t appreciate.
A forma de ultrapassar esta situação é tornar-se espontâneo e aberto a experimentar coisas novas e a ir a novos sítios.
Mais importante ainda, deve deixar de viver dentro da sua própria cabeça e começar a incluir outras pessoas na sua vida. Isto mudará a sua forma de pensar e torná-lo-á uma pessoa mais interessante.
Como faço para que as pessoas gostem de mim?
A sensação de isolamento que advém do facto de sentir que ninguém gosta de si pode levar a um sentimento de desespero, desesperança e depressão. Feeling lonely makes you question your worth and value as a person, making you wonder what’s wrong with you.
Estar sozinho e ser ignorado durante demasiado tempo pode fazer com que se esqueça de como agir em relação às pessoas, o que, por sua vez, pode afastá-las, e escapar a este ciclo vicioso pode ser difícil.
Luckily, this is something that can be changed if you’re willing to be honest with yourself and put in the work. Quando deixar de pensar em estar sozinho e começar a agir, os resultados aparecerão.
1. Seja você mesmo.
Allow people to get to know you. Become interesting by opening up. Don’t be afraid of being vulnerable.
2. Think about people’s feelings.
Don’t make them feel bad about who they are and what they do. Let go of grudges, and make it safe for people to show their feelings around you.
3. Don’t judge and criticize.
Instead, encourage and support. Be kind, and don’t be a bully.
4. Interessar-se genuinamente pelas pessoas.
Listen, pay attention and ask questions. Learn to communicate. Accept that you don’t know everything.
5. Respeitar as outras pessoas e as suas opiniões.
Appreciate the other person’s ideas and acknowledge their importance.
6. Fazer com que a outra pessoa se sinta confortável.
Don’t complain, admit your mistakes, and be friendly. Be humble and open-minded.
None of this will make people like you if it’s not real. Be sincere and honest. Realize that everyone is human – with fragile feelings and easily bruised egos.
O apreço genuíno faz com que as pessoas se sintam bem consigo próprias, o que, por sua vez, as faz gostar das pessoas que as fizeram sentir assim.
Comece por se amar a si próprio
There’s a difference between feeling unhappy because some people don’t like you and feeling that no one likes you.
Asking yourself, “Why don’t people like me?” is the first step towards becoming someone people like and want to be around. It’s important not to fall into a victim mentality and start blaming everyone and everything instead of looking inside yourself.
A menos que as pessoas não gostem de si por causa dos seus próprios problemas, há algo no seu comportamento que as afasta. A boa notícia é que o facto de tomarmos consciência das nossas próprias falhas torna-as corrigíveis.
