In my last few relationships, I have noticed a strange pattern of behaviour on my part that is completely unlike me.
I have been sabotaging my relationships, without even realizing I was doing so.
Normally, when I’m with a guy, I’m all in. I let my guard down and invest whole-heartedly.
But lately, I’ve been more reluctant to do so, and it’s been interesting realizing why that has been happening and what the actual cause of this was.
It is not in my nature to be the type of woman who feels she isn’t good enough and that when things are going great, something is bound to go wrong.
But now, I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop!
I get self-conscious about the smallest things, and my sense of self is diminished.
I don’t feel like the guy I’m with is all in, and it makes me feel like I’m the one to blame.
It has been really weird experiencing a totally different side of me, one that is more insecure and vulnerable than what I’m used to being.
This has caused me to re-evaluate all my past relationships in order to see if there might be something that happened with an ex that has made me so self-conscious and full of doubt all of a sudden.
And that’s when I realized that it all started with a particular ex of mine…
I had this guy I was madly in love with. He made me feel what all the guys I had previously dated couldn’t.
Being with him was such a high.. and I just couldn’t get enough.
But it all came with a price. He knew very well the hold he had on me.
He knew I would do anything for him, and he used my inability to see him for who he really was against me.
He manipulated me. He played mind games with me, and he made me feel like I needed him in order to be whole.
He never let be who I really am, but at the time, I couldn’t see it because I was blinded by the love I felt for him.
This guy was bad news, and with time, I did manage to get out of that relationship.
It was challenging and draining, but I did it. His manipulative nature really took a toll on me, and it has reflected on all my relationships after him.
The good thing is, I have finally realized that HE is the one to blame for the way I’ve been, as he is the one who constantly put me down and treated me like I was nothing!
His manipulation has really messed with my mind, and now I don’t feel like I’m good enough for any man.
Luckily, I am starting to regain my old self again because I refuse to let a toxic ex ruin me for love!
There have been certain things he would say to me that really messed me up, and I’ve decided to finally fight them and erase his toxicity from my head.
If you haven’t been acting like yourself lately and you feel your relationship has been suffering because of it, it is likely that your ex messed with your mind and made you this way.
Once you realize this, it will be easier getting back to your old self because you’ll know that it’s really not you—it’s his toxic, manipulative nature, and luckily you don’t have to put up with that any longer!
Your ex is part of your past, and anything he said or did to you is no longer part of your life.
When you realize this, you’ll be on your way back to that happy, healthy lady you know you are.
Don’t let his inability to appreciate you mess with your current relationship.
I was a fool for letting him make me feel so low and constantly prove to me that the trust I had in him was completely misplaced.
I let him get away with so much toxic shit, and I always had an excuse for him. But guess what? There is NO excuse for being a shitty boyfriend.
After enduring so many relationship games, I no longer felt I could trust anyone. How could I?
He told me I could trust him multiple times, and he always let me down.
When he was being a jerk, he put all the blame on me, and with time, I started doubting myself.
When I would stand up to him, he made me feel like I was exaggerating, and he put me in my place.
I just couldn’t win, and I would often sob alone in my room, sad and misunderstood.
All that is extremely unhealthy for anyone to put up with because when you listen to those lies for long enough, you’re going to start believing them!
And that’s how he got me.
But no more. After finally seeing what an unhealthy, toxic relationship I was in and how much it had changed me for the worse, I have finally been able to start piecing myself back together.
I still have a ways to go… but I’m getting there! I am so pleased that I have been getting better and that my outlook on relationships is once again a positive one!
It is wondrous how things can start getting better once you put your mind to it.
I have decided to take control of my life again, and I have never felt happier!
Nobody can mess with your mind once you decide to refuse them access to your head.
Finally, my mind is clear, and my spirit is once again alive and eager to find my one!
