Once upon a time, men were the only ones who had the privilege of asking out a woman they liked. They were the ones making the first moves and the ones initiating all the communication. So basically, if you were a woman in the past and if you liked a guy, you couldn’t do anything about it, except patiently waiting for him to take a hint and to take the first step.
But luckily for both sexes, those times are long gone. Asking a guy out on a date is no longer something shocking. Instead, it is a perfectly natural and normal thing to do.
And it is something you plan on doing, as well. There is this guy you might have met on a dating app or in a real life. Either way, the point is the same. You are crazy about him, but he isn’t making any moves, and you are not sure whether he likes you back.
Instead of waiting for him to do something about it, to read your mind and to magically find out about your feelings, you’ve decided to ask him out on a date. But you don’t know how to do it.
Well, you’ve come to the right place because you are about to read 12 proven ways and pieces of advice on how to ask a guy you like on a date.
1. Think about your expectations
Before asking out a guy you like, firstly you have to be clear and honest with yourself. Think about your expectations of this date.
Where do you plan on drawing the line if the first date happens? How far are you ready to go for him to say ‘yes’ to your invitation?
What do you expect of this date? Do you want to get to know him better and see where the night brings you?
Or do you plan on inviting him over if the date turns out to be successful? Do you see this guy as your future boyfriend and someone with whom you might develop a deeper connection if he is up for it?
Do you expect him to agree on going out with you right away? Or do you think that there is a possibility of him rejecting your proposal?
These are all the questions you should ask yourself before making the first move. Even though it is clear that you can’t have an impact how everything will turn out, and you can’t know his view on things, it is important for you to know what you want. This way, you’ll prepare yourself more, and you’ll have a chance to play your cards just right.
2. See if he likes you
The next step should be trying to realize if this guy likes you. Does he see you as more than a friend or does he think of you as one of the guys? Is there a possibility that he likes you back but is shy and afraid of rejection?
If this is someone you talk to on a regular basis, pay close attention to the non-verbal signs he’s been sending you. Can you see any signs of flirting in this man’s behavior?
Does he touch your arm or leg when he is talking? Does he try to maintain eye contact? Does he compliment you? Is he doing his best to make you laugh?
If the answer to at least some of these questions is positive, then it is more than obvious that he is into you but has trouble making the first step. Remember that not all men are the same and that some of them, including this one, need a little bit more reassurance that the girl they like likes them back before asking her out.
If this is the case with the object of your affection, just go for it. Propose a date activity for the two of you, and I promise you that you won’t get a ‘no’ for an answer.
But on the other hand, there is the possibility that the man you like isn’t showing you any hints that he might see you as more than a friend. Or the two of you don’t have any contact whatsoever, so you can’t tell. This might be some random dude you saw in the bar or a friend of a friend.
Either way, when this is the case, it is crucial for you to put yourself out there before making any moves. He has to start perceiving you as the attractive woman you are before you drop the invitation.
Don’t be scared to flirt with him when you see him in person. Like his social media posts or “accidentally” show up somewhere where you know you could meet him.
The point is to send him non-verbal signals and see if you get any feedback. Just make sure not to exaggerate and to take things slowly.
3. Boost your confidence
Talking to the man you like, let alone asking him out on a date and making the first move, can be scary, and it is everything but easy. So don’t beat yourself up if you are insecure about this. It is perfectly natural to feel this way.
But on the other hand, fear will lead you nowhere, and it can only cause you to miss your chance with him. So, what you need to do is to find ways to raise your confidence before making this move.
Instead of thinking about all the ways in which this man could reject you, think positively. Instead of overthinking about everything that could go wrong, be optimistic, and think about the best possible case scenario.
Be certain of your abilities, and get rid of all the anxious and negative thoughts that might be going through your mind. And even if you feel nervous once you approach him, do your best for
him not to see it. Yes, a little bit of insecurity is cute, but too much of it can chase this guy away.
Go shopping or change your hairstyle—whatever will make you feel better about yourself. Think about everything you’ve accomplished in life so far, and stop considering this date as such a big deal.
Before you ask him out, think of all the good qualities you have. Focus on the things men find attractive about you and on your hot social skills.
Stand in front of the mirror and compliment yourself. Find the thing you like about yourself the most, and put all of your focus on that.
Remember that you are intelligent, funny and witty. You got this!
4. Ask him to hang out with friends
If you are too shy to ask a guy you like on a date, just ask him to hang out with friends. That will definitely take a lot of the pressure away. This way, you’ll get a chance to get to know him better and to see if he has feelings for you without putting yourself out there too much and without taking a concrete step.
The only problem that might occur with this approach is that he might not get the hint. This man might think that you are really asking him out as one of your buddies and that might put you in the friend zone. And let’s face it—this is the last thing you want.
So, the best thing for you to do is to choose this group activity wisely. Plan something that will give you a chance to spend some one-on-one time with him, as well.
The best type of a group date is one with couples, and make sure he knows it, as well. Be clear and don’t make things awkward by putting him in a situation where he isn’t aware of your intentions.
5. Ask a friend to talk to him
Another tip for asking a man out is to ask your mutual friend to talk to him. But don’t get me wrong—this is not me advising you to have your best friend ask this guy out on your behalf because that is something you should never allow to happen. The only way your friend can ask him out is on a group date, where you’ll be present, as well.
Having someone else do your work and ask the man you are into on a date in your name only shows that you are too immature and too insecure. It is childish, and it shows that you are making a big deal out of all this, which can only chase this man away from you.
Instead, ask a friend just to talk to this guy about you, without making anything too obvious. Ask them to mention you in front of him or to propose inviting you to the next group activity. This can help you see this guy’s reaction, and it will make him think of you more.
6. Think of the way you’ll ask him out
The next step into this process is thinking about the way you’ll ask this guy out. Will you do it through a sweet text? Will you make a phone call? Or you will ask him face-to-face?
One of the great ways to do it is just to write a little post-it note on which you’ll leave your name and number. I know this might sound cheesy at first glance, but the truth is that it is quite romantic. Besides, it works like a charm with men you don’t know so well, and it will lead you to success with a guy you keep seeing in the gym or with someone who goes to class with you but you don’t have a chance to approach him.
If you plan on asking this guy out in person, make sure that the two of you are not in an overly crowded place while you do it. It can be awkward to make this proposition in front of other people, so choose a private place and a stress-free environment to take this step. I am not saying that you have to be alone with this man to ask him out, but make sure you pick a semi-isolated place where you’ll have a chance to say what you have in mind without anyone interrupting you.
If you can’t seem to catch this guy alone, approach him while he is with other people. Just ask him if you can get a second of his time, and move away from the group.
Remember to start your conversation with a little bit of small talk before you pop the question. Make the atmosphere as relaxing as possible, and once you do it, just make the proposition, without any dramatic pauses and without it sounding like a big deal.
On the other hand, if you are too scared of asking him out in person, do it over the phone. It is way better to call him then to text him because it shows you still have a certain level of self-esteem.
You can just start your conversation casually and proceed with telling him about your intentions. You might also add that he doesn’t have to give you an answer right away. He can get back to you when he makes a decision. Just make sure not to sound too desperate!
7. Timing is everything
Besides thinking about the place and the way in which you’ll ask your crush on a date, you should have in mind that the timing is crucial as well. There is a huge difference between sending a late night drunk text or calling at a reasonable hour. That will also have an impact on his decision and the further course of events.
Besides, it would be awesome if you do a little bit of background search for this man because you need to be sure that he is single and emotionally available before doing anything.
I know you expect him to tell you about his relationship status as soon as you starting talking about your potential date, but sadly, things aren’t always like that, so it is better to be sure. The last thing you want is to be someone’s hidden affair or rebound girl.
8. Make up an excuse about why you are asking him out
If you are shy about asking your crush on a date, a great way to do it is to make up an excuse for seeing him, and therefore, not make this get together an ‘official’ date. This way, you’ll avoid the potential awkwardness, but you’ll still have the chance of getting to know this man better and of getting closer to him.
If you guys work together or are in the same class, tell him that you need his help about a project. Tell him that there is something you don’t understand regarding work or school and that you would appreciate if he could give you a hand. The same goes with men you meet at some other activities, such as language courses, the gym or some other sport you train on together.
Once you get him to agree to help you, casually ask him for a coffee. You can even invite him for a dinner date afterwards, in order to show your gratitude and appreciation.
But what if you can’t think of anything you might need from your crush? Well, there is a solution for that, as well. Have you ever heard of the extra ticket trick, where you tell your crush that you have a spare ticket for an event that you’d like to visit and that you know he would enjoy seeing?
You can also tell him that you need someone to accompany you to a group activity at which there will only be a bunch of couples. Whatever you choose to do, just make sure that your crush gets the hint that you want to be more than friends once you get him to go out with you.
9. Be straightforward
One of the most important pieces of advice you can get when it comes to every romantic encounter is to be direct. And setting up the first date is no exception.
Forget about the mind games, the mixed signals or the chase. After all, you are the one who is initiating all of this, so you can’t be the one beating around the bush.
Therefore, when you finally decide when, where and how to ask out this guy you are into, the best thing you can do is to be clear about your intentions. You don’t have to dramatize things. It is better to keep everything simple. Just look him in the eyes (if you are doing it in person), be as relaxed as possible, and simply ask him if he is willing to go out sometime and that is it.
10. Think about this guy’s interests
Before proposing a date to someone, you need to think about this person’s interests and preferences. Because let’s face it—you won’t invite a hard rock metal fan to a county music concert, will you?
What you need to do is do a little research about the things he enjoys doing and how he likes spending his time before planning your first date. You’ll probably have all the information you need available on his social media accounts. It would be the best if the two of you have some common interest and for you to put the focus on the things you both enjoy doing, while thinking about the things you two might do on this date.
11. Plan a date night
The next step is planning the date. While you might assume that this is something to think about after the object of your affections agrees to go out with you, it would be way better if you plan this ahead of time.
The truth is that your crush will agree sooner if you propose an already planned activity, such as going to the movies or to a concert. This way, you can just ask him if he would like to come along in a relaxed manner.
You can also ask him if he wants to grab a coffee but make sure to set a clear date because asking him to go out “some time” is pretty vague. Besides, he’ll probably accept this type of invite, but there is less possibility that the date night will actually happen.
So instead of going with this approach, think of a fun first date activity that would be a great way of spending time together, and propose it to your crush. Make sure it is something you’d both enjoy.
For example, inviting him to the movies can turn out to be great because it gives you an opportunity to be physically close during the film, and that is when you’ll see if he is ready to make a move. It also clears a lot of pressure because you can always comment on the film afterwards. Therefore, you will avoid the awkward silence which isn’t uncommon for first dates.
Also, when you pick a movie, choose something that will interest both of you. Don’t go with a typical chick film or a romantic comedy that might bore him. But don’t choose something you don’t like either. After all, you should be enjoying yourself on this date as well, and the last thing you want is to appear to be a people pleaser.
12. Think of the worst case scenario
Even though the best thing you can do is to be optimistic, it also always a great idea to think of the worst case scenario. Let’s face it—there always exists a possibility for this man to turn you down and for things not to go down as you planned.
And if something like this happens, make sure not to freak out about it. After all, he is entitled to say that he doesn’t want to go out with you, isn’t he?
There is a possibility that he is taken, that he likes someone else or that he is simply not into you. Either way, you shouldn’t question his motives and reasons. If he declines or if you see that he isn’t up for it, stepping back gracefully is the only thing you ought to do. Remember that having someone turn you down before the first date is always better than having him break your heart afterwards.
If this happens, please don’t fall into desperation because it is not the end of the world. Yes, you like him, but you’ll get over it.
Instead, be proud of yourself. You turned out to be a true badass and showed that you are above all of your fears and insecurities.
You know that you’ve tried and that you gave your best, so you can have a clear conscience. Remember that rejection is always better than regret.