Given that you are reading this article, I presume you’re probably not in the best place right now. I know how much that can suck—I’ve been there myself.
I know how hopeless and lost you are probably feeling right now. I’m sorry you are going through this, but I am glad that you have decided to seek help.
Just the fact that you are willing to read this and try to find a way out of those depressive thoughts that are consuming your mind is a very promising sign, so good for you!
First, it is important to clarify one thing. Saying “I hate life’’ is a very serious matter, so what I need you to do now is think really hard about the severity of that sentence.
Do you honestly hate life in its wholeness or are you perhaps unhappy with particular aspects of it? Hate is a very serious word.
But usually, when people feel this way, it is mostly a certain part of their life that gives them these unhealthy thoughts.
Could it be that maybe you are feeling lost in this very moment, and that is making it seem like your whole life is falling apart ?
You should know that there are ways to heal parts of yourself that you feel are broken which would allow you to see things from a different, more positive perspective.
Are you unhappy in your relationship? Do you hate your job? Do you lie in bed most days contemplating the meaning of it all?
These are all things that can be sorted out, with time and patience.
I’m proud of you for trying to find a way out of this. I hope that reading this article gives you some perspective, comfort, hope, and you see that not everything is as bad as it seems.
I hope you see that this thing you’re feeling right now is okay. Everybody handles the pressures of life differently, and you are entitled to your feelings. We can get to the bottom of this, just bear with me.
Why do I hate my life?
I will try and give you the best answers and possible solutions for this major question of yours, but first, let’s try something different.
Think about your life for a second. Look back on the past 10 years or so. Try and remember where you were back then, and how far you’ve come.
It doesn’t matter if you are not exactly where you pictured yourself—progress is still progress. In order not to put too much pressure on yourself, it is extremely important that you be kind to yourself and not put these impossibly high expectations on your shoulders that will make you feel miserable in case you can’t fulfill them all exactly when you planned to.
You need to know by now that life really doesn’t work that way. It is one thing to expect a lot from yourself and to not settle for anything that doesn’t give you any happiness.
But it is completely different to put impossible tasks before yourself and consider yourself a failure if they are not accomplished in the designated time.
Good things always take time! Just because you were unable to get some things done by a certain time, does not mean you won’t be able to accomplish them in the future. Take it easy on yourself. Don’t be your own worst enemy. There are enough unkind people in the world as it is.
Okay, so, let’s focus on your main problem here. For argument’s sake, let’s assume that it is not your entire life that you hate.
There must be some good things in it as well, right? Things and people that are worth living for?
A family member that you are deeply connected with, your health and perhaps a hobby that you are passionate about?
Let’s focus on those. Aren’t all these things worth living for? Those are all the things that make you happy, no matter how low you are feeling at this particular moment, so think about those for starters.
These feelings that are troubling you have to stem from something deeper.
You are feeling this way for a valid reason, so let’s try and figure it out with some possible views on your depressive thoughts and look for ways to turn them into something a little more positive. A good perspective can make all the difference.
You are not where you expected yourself to be at this moment in time
The grass is always greener on the other side, right? That is rarely the case. Social media these days has distorted our perception of anything and everything.
You see people on Instagram and Facebook posting pictures of their picture perfect lives, amazing houses, coolest cars and friends they absolutely adore.
They paint this picture of everything seemingly so perfect, and it’s very easy to feel inadequate when all you see are those false narratives all over their social platforms.
The reality is, people post what they want you to see .
They post what they want their lives to be, and if others see how amazingly they have it, they have this false feeling inside that things are better than they actually are.
Most of the time, the people posting all this ‘perfection’ are trying to convince themselves that things are divine, but they are not fooling anyone. So don’t believe everything you see and everything you read.
Everybody struggles in their own way. The only difference is that some people do it by fooling people with these images of a supposedly happy life, while they suffer in silence, and you are not trying to fool anyone.
You know your reality, and you are adamant to fix what needs fixing.
On top of that, many of us have expectations that are put on us by others—be that your parents, a significant other or maybe a friend…not to mention those that you impose on yourself.
So, what happens when your expectations turn out to be higher than what your reality can offer you at this time?
You start feeling low. You feel inadequate, and everybody seems to be getting it together, except for you, right?
Wrong! This is why it is so important to think about what you expect of yourself and realistically see if it meets your current abilities and experiences. This is the best thing you can do in order to avoid any further inner conflicts.
Think about it this way. Imagine being home all day (you have a day off from work), so you are cooking, cleaning the house and making sure that everything is just right for when your partner comes home.
You are in a cheery mood. You have your favorite playlist on, and while listening to the upbeat music, you are cooking an elaborate dinner that is your partner’s favorite.
You are looking forward to enjoying this perfect meal when they come home, after which you can talk for hours about your days and relax in front of the tv.
Your expectations for the night are really high, and why wouldn’t they be?
But what happens is this. Your partner comes home, visibly agitated, in no mood to say much as something from work is clearly bothering him.
You sit down at the table, hoping that his mood will change when he sees how much effort you have put into this meal, but nothing really changes.
He eats, barely uttering a word. You know that this has nothing to do with you, but you are still feeling so annoyed because things didn’t go the way you planned, and your idea of the perfect night is ruined.
Do you see where I’m going with this?
The same can apply to life! You expect these amazing things to happen, but when things don’t match your expectations, you let that get you down, even though it has nothing to do with you, nor does it in any way diminish your capabilities! All it means is that life had different plans, and you merely need to adjust to a new timetable life has set for you.
If you keep expecting things to run smoothly for the rest of your life, you’re in for a surprise. Life has its own plans, so adjust your expectations, and don’t get discouraged too easily.
You are not the person that you believed you were
I’m not talking about your goals and dreams here. I’m not referring to your job or a hobby.
What I mean by this is literally what it says. You had a false perception of your person, and you have just now realized this.
You had this idea of yourself, that you were a kind, good-hearted person with pure intentions and a clean conscience.
All of that may be true, but you have found yourself in situations where it was challenged. Where it made you question your true nature and intentions, and doubt who you thought you were for so long.
I know how this feels. You feel like you know and own who you are, and then when certain situations present themselves, you react completely differently than you would’ve liked to and far differently from what you would expect from yourself.
Somebody says something, you take it the wrong way which makes you mad for some reason, and you get into a confrontation with them.
It’s like something just takes over and you react differently than you would’ve hoped.
These things happen. I know you want to be calm and collected in every situation, and it would be perfect if that could be the case, but it rarely is. Life will throw obstacles at you. It will test you, your endurance, your patience, and your will and perseverance! Just because you fail some of these ‘tasks’ you will be presented with at times, in no way makes you a failure!
You are a decent human being. You learn as you go! When you screw something up, you feel bad, right?
You want to apologize to the person you may have wronged, and you feel uneasy if somebody holds a grudge over you?
Those are all qualities of a kind, empathetic human being! It means that, yeah, you make mistakes, but you feel badly afterwards.
You want to make it right. This is a sign of a beautiful and kind person who owns up to his shit and always strives to be and do better!
This should be your hope for a better tomorrow.
Yeah, you will mess up, and you won’t be proud of who you are at all times, but the important thing is that you WANT TO be good and do good, and you make sure you don’t make the same mistake twice.
Good for you. That is more than many people can say about themselves these day. See, you’re not so bad, after all!
You’re exhausted from trying to find a way out of this sunken place
It’s funny how it goes.
When you’re happy and without a worry on your mind, you don’t bother yourself with unnecessary thoughts which complicate what clearly works for you, but when you’re in a bad place, all you can do is overthink every aspect of your life, therefore making it 10 times more difficult than it needs to be and really is!
Worrying too much, and always contemplating things, especially those that don’t bring you any peace of mind, exhaust your mind!
And when your mind is exhausted, you automatically feel much worse about yourself than you actually should!
There is a lot you can love about life. All it takes is the right perspective on things and the necessary attitude.
But the problem with this is, when your mind is so exhausted and emotionally drained, it’s very easy to lose sight of this.
Losing your perspective literally means that no matter how many things are going well in your life, you will always focus on that one thing that is not going right.
That is your problem. You are draining your mind with depressive thoughts about one or two things that are not working out for you, and by doing that, you are leaving very little space for the things that matter and that would bring your mind much needed rest and recharge it!
There is a way out of this. But you have to be willing to let yourself get to it, including having an open mind and an actual, ‘almost can taste it’ hope of getting better, okay? In order for this to work, you have to be all in. If you are not willing to get out of this hole, nobody can help you. It all starts with you.
You need to set goals for yourself. Right this moment. I am not talking about huge, ultimate life goals.
What I mean is, set a small goal for the near future. One that is feasible and that will make you feel more fulfilled and hopeful when you manage to do it.
When you achieve this one, seemingly small thing, you will see that you can do another one as well.
And soon, you will start seeing life for what it is—a set of small goals you need to keep setting for yourself in order not to let life get you down.
No matter what happens, always have that one thing that you will work on accomplishing. To some it may seem insignificant. But for you, it is a reason to get up and be your best self. And the feeling of accomplishment will soon wash over you, and you will see that you are much more than you give yourself credit for.
Perspective is everything. Silence your critical inner voice, and find things that will make you want to get up in the morning.
That, combined with spending time with your family and friends, is a sure way to feel like a new person who can conquer so much.
But not all at once. You need to take baby steps in order to get to that place where you will find your happy again.
In all honesty, we all let life get us down sometimes. We all feel worthless and unimportant sometimes. But the main thing is to realize that this is only a temporary feeling! It will pass!
Focus on things that are going well, and slowly work on those that are not.
Setting small goals is what will help you get your groove back, so keep at it, and read this whenever you start feeling down.
You can do this. And if you stumble, get up and keep going. You really are stronger than you think, and soon, you will see it too.