Most men today should come with instructions. They are sending mixed signals, saying and doing things things that just make no sense at all.
Wouldn’t the world be just a better and more enjoyable place if we weren’t stuck reading in-between the lines and deciphering people’s thoughts?
Sadly, the reality is different but luckily that’s where we come in to try to help you out.
There are twenty common things a man says that should trigger your alarm.
If you recognize the man you are dating in at least five of them, run for the hills because he is bad news.
Keep in mind, though, that it will all depend on the situation you are in; maybe one thing he says will be enough for you to walk out on him but five is definitely a warning sign that you need to run for the hills and never look back.
“I’m not looking for anything serious right now.”
Right now in this sentence is the bait for you to fall into the trap of an almost relationship.
It gives you hope that one day he might be ready but the odds are he will never be ready or he might be ready someday with someone else.
If you are looking for a casual hookup, this is a win-win situation for you.
If you aren’t, then don’t waste your time on trying to change things into something more committed, as you will just break your own heart.
“I am one of the good guys.”
If he was genuinely a good, decent and kind guy, he wouldn’t have the need to say it.
Good guys show who they are through their actions, they don’t sing their own praises.
Goodness is always modest and silent.
If he has the need to explain who he is and what kind of a guy he is, he definitely lacks confidence and he is probably trying to hide some deeper issues or personality flaws.
So be careful.
“You must be out of your mind to think that.”
This sentence is usual for narcissists and other types of toxic manipulators who are trying to convince you that your sanity is questionable.
They try to change your perception by convincing you that you are crazy for thinking they did or said something when you know for a fact that a different situation happened.
You usually end up apologizing for doubting them, even though you know deep down that they are the one to blame.
“I really can’t stand women who…”
There are some narrow-minded men out there who believe a woman has to do or say things that they consider acceptable.
It’s not the Middle Ages and a woman can be whatever she wants to be and do whatever she feels like.
If a man starts a conversation with you something along the lines of: I really can’t stand a woman who: smokes, wears crop tops, eats healthily, wears too much make-up, etc,. the odds are he will try to change you and make you fit his world rather than accept you for who you are.
“You are clingy.”
When you hear this sentence, you really have to be honest with yourself.
Determine whether you are really clingy (and see how you can take it down a notch) or if you are asking him for things he should give effortlessly.
If you know it’s not clinginess but a severe lack of attention and affection, you should really reconsider your relationship.
Whatever you decide, keep in mind that you can’t force a relationship.
“Do you really need to…?”
This sentence can refer to all sorts of things, for example: “Do you really need to buy that shirt?”, “Do you really need to eat that chocolate?” , “Do you really need to go on that vacation?”, “Do you really need him/her in your life?”
If there is hardly any part of your life he doesn’t have the need to comment on, question or judge, you are dealing with somebody controlling.
This kind of behavior is not just annoying, it can become extremely toxic with time.
“If you don’t do as I tell you, I am leaving.”
This is that one out of twenty things that he says that is screaming and begging you to dump his sorry ass and run for the hills.
This sentence can be shaped in so many different ways.
He might want to sleep with you before you are ready, he might be jealous and try to stop you from going out with your friends or similar but the bottom line is he wants you to do something you don’t want to do.
You should never allow a man to force you to do anything you yourself don’t want; no matter how minor or big it is, it just isn’t right.
Threats, pleads and ultimatums shouldn’t be a part of any relationship.
“Why do you wear make-up?”
This question is pretty common and not so alarming; men just don’t get it and most of the the time they are just trying to give you a compliment and tell you that you are beautiful with or without any make-up on.
Still, if they cross the line and feel like they can boss you around and try to forbid you to wear make-up, it’s just a small display of a much greater issue.
The man in your life should be your equal partner who respects your decisions; even if they don’t make sense to him, he shouldn’t act like he is the boss of you.
“My ex used to…”
It really doesn’t matter whether he is singing his ex’s praises or he is talking trash about her, what matters is that his ex shouldn’t be a part of your current relationship.
He shouldn’t bring her up every waking hour, let alone compare the two of you.
If the ex sentences are a usual part of your conversation, he clearly has some unresolved issues and he wasn’t ready to date you in the first place.
Confront him about it and ask him politely to STFU about his ex.
“What’s a woman like you doing in a job like this?”
This could be harmless, very rude or disrespectful.
If it’s harmless, he probably has a crush on you and he doesn’t know anything smarter to say.
If it’s rude, he is probably feeling threatened by you and he wants to make you feel bad because you are in the minority of women who are in that line of business.
But who says women can’t be engineers, firefighters, drivers or whatever they want.
Keep in mind that no matter how cute or charming he is, if he can’t respect you as a colleague, he won’t respect you as a woman either, so you will never feel like his equal.
“I have to say that I didn’t expect that you’d be so smart.”
Even if this sentence may appear like a compliment at first glance, it’s actually a very well-wrapped insult.
It all depends on the context and what type of man he is.
It’s important that you pay attention to his tone here, because he might be being sarcastic and saying it to mock something you said.
He also might be the type of man who looks down on women and looks at them as the weaker sex, which is wrong on so many levels.
“You see, my mom thinks that….”
If his mother doesn’t like you or keeps interfering in your relationship all the time, you are going to go through hell in that relationship.
You don’t really need a mama’s boy who is incapable of standing up for himself or for you and who can’t make a decision before checking it with mommy dearest first.
If things don’t miraculously change, you are going to end things because you can’t stand it anymore or he will because he is a wuss who allows his mother to control his life.
“You are way hotter/prettier/smarter than any of your friends.”
Telling a woman that she looks great, that she is hot, smart and out of this world is always a welcome compliment but comparing to others is just out of line.
Real women empower other women, especially their friends, they don’t trash-talk them and they don’t like it when somebody else does it either.
There is no need for sentences like this or for him to compare you to someone else.
“I need space.”
Depending on the context, this might mean a few things.
But if he is using space as a more painless way to say that he wants something casual or to end it altogether, you should make the decision for him and leave.
You don’t need someone who can’t man up and tell you what the deal is.
Don’t allow him to string you along and if he can’t clearly define what space represents to him, run as far away as you can.
“To be honest, I don’t see myself having kids.”
If you are on the same page, this sentence means nothing. But if you want to plan a family and have kids someday, this is a major deal-breaker.
Don’t stay too long with someone who doesn’t want the same things as you do. His opinion is not going to change no matter what you do.
“Is it that time of the month again?”
He is basically a person who is always right and every time he annoys you and makes you upset, he blames it on your PMS.
The scenario is the same when you get emotional. It’s like you are deprived of emotions on all the other days except for when you have PMS.
His behavior is just a reflection of how immature he is.
He neither gets you, nor can he take responsibility for his actions that might hurt you on a regular day too.
“You should support me and trust in me.”
A guy who can hold on to a job for more than a month or so is trying to convince you that he is going to change.
He never does anything he says he will but he expects your support, both financial and emotional.
Just remember that you are not a charity organization for the lost and lazy and that he will emotionally and financially exhaust you rather than change his life and his ways.
“You don’t really love me, I feel it.”
This could be a genuine concern of his because your behaviour shifted or you yourself are aware that you don’t feel so strongly about him, in which case you should be honest with him and let him know where he stands.
The other and more probable cause of this statement is that he is deeply insecure.
He needs constant reassurance that you love him and care for him and there is a high chance that no matter what you do or say to show him your feelings are real, his insecurities will be stronger.
The worst thing about it is that his lack of trust in himself, you and your relationship will kill all the love you have for him.
“Let’s just stay in.”
The best part of any committed relationship is that you can just stay in the comfort of your own home and have fun, cuddle and watch movies or do something naughty between the sheets.
The bad thing is if that is all you do.
You need diversity and staying home all the time will be super boring after some time.
If you are just starting something and he constantly wants to hang out (read: have sex) at his place or yours and never makes any date plans, you are just a booty call so make sure you are aware of it.
“It’s too far away, we’ll talk about it later on.”
Whenever you ask him to do something at the end of the week, month or year, the answer is always the same—“It’s too far away, we’ll talk about it some other time”.
The truth is you never talk about it and you never make concrete plans and everything is done at the last minute and when it suits him.
This kind of behavior is a clear sign that he doesn’t see his future with you, at least not yet and the question is will he ever?